Worried about ds18...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Worried about ds18...
19
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 12:47pm

This is going to be a hard post to write, because I don't know if I can even articulate my feelings very well.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 12:35pm


For someone with graduate degrees in physics/engineering, IT IS SIMPLE STUFF. For example, it is no way as challenging as Probablity & Stochastic Processes or Logic & Coding or Partial Differential Equations. It is not even as difficult as Linear Algebra or Calculus. The math business majors take is "watered down" compared to the math physics,engineering and math majors take. They do not need the level of math.

Sorry but as someone who tutored business majors in math when I was in university, I know what I am talking about.

I wrote that comment to encourage the mom that, just because her son may have difficulty with high school math, doesn't mean that he should not go to college. He should not think about a degree where math is required (such as engineering, physics,chemistry, meterology,geology.....) but, with help considering his LD, he could very well handle the math requirements for a business degree, biology....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 1:28pm

Ok----

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 1:50pm

IMO, you know who make the best teachers for kids who struggle a bit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 11-16-2007 - 11:51pm

I know what it's like to fret over our teens' insecurities--I did plenty of that last year!

Your DS wants to go to junior college--I think that's good. I think they are more accustomed to dealing with LDs than universities, and as others have said, he'll be able to get help with the few math classes he may need. What he'll need is the will to succeed, and if he's got that he should be okay. You mention that you see he is insecure, and I saw last year how insecure my DS was, but he's now doing alright in college. In HS, a good portion of their insecurity stems from the way they they are treated, ignored or not accepted by their classmates. College is a whole new set of people (teachers and students), and they can start fresh.

His feeling that he cannot get along with others would make me worry more than his desire to attend college, but at least he can talk to you. (My DS held everything in and would not even open up to me, and that's why I forced him to see a therapist.) If he can keep talking to you, your encouragement to look to the future and not dwell on the day-to-day letdowns might be all he needs. I do think that after the first of two sessions with a therapist last year, DS did feel a whole lot better about himself. He didn't want to go, either, and told me as we were about to leave the house for the first appt, "I don't know what good this will do. Can't you call him and cancel?" My explanation was, "If you won't talk to me, or your gf, or any of your guy friends, you must talk with someone."

Looking people in the eye? My guess is that among family and friends our DSs are fine, but that they feel self-conscious in front of strangers. Then they either avoid eye contact or overdo it. The thing is, we rarely see them in those situations and don't even realize how insecure they are. When DS was 17 he begged me to return an item to a store for him, even though he had the receipt and a legit reason to return it. He was just too shy or embarrassed to do it. Also last summer, he worked up a sweat and had to strip his shirt off after phoning just a few parents of freshman, to inform them of the dates for soccer practice. He was so nervous. (I was shocked at both those things, of course, I tried not to react at the time.) Last year I considered having DS attend group assertiveness training offered by a local university psych dept, but we never followed though--too busy. That sort of training might benefit your DS if he can fit it in his schedule.

You're lucky he does not want to hang out with the kids who drink and do drugs. If he cannot get a job, perhaps he can volunteer. That will give him a sense of self-worth when he's not getting enough of it from school.

This is a tough time for seniors as they are all talking about college plans. DS felt bad last year when he was not accepted to the more selective U that his friens were, but he's very happy now. We just need to keep reassuring them that there's a better, new life waiting for them after HS, as long as they keep trying. Hugs to you, and your DS.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 10:01am

Hello...wow, there' a lot of posts between there and here...I'm sorry to all if I can't read them all thru thoroughly...


Sounds to me like you're a normal caring mom...these years can be very difficult when a kid goes from being a child to a self sufficient adult...difficult for all. I am very unconventional, I don't think that an 18 year old neccesarily has to be ready for college or have any idea what they want to do with their life. I know so many young adults who went away to school for 4 years, came home, and aren't working remotely in their field...times are hard right now. My own son messed up and didn't graduate with his class in June. Instead, he is a super-senior, back in school for half a year to make up missed credits...many of his friends are gone to school and one even enlisted! But I told him it was okay, to find something else to fill the void and he joined a gym! He's also worked since he was 15, but p.s., until that time he was shy too and I thought lacking in confidence, but once he got out there making his own cash it did wonders for his self-esteem.


The thing is to see that the kids do something positive. As long as they are moving forward, even at their own pace, it's okay...never go backwards.


It's possible your son may benefit from a low dose of some kind of A/D meds. Its not shameful, and it's really quite painless. And not permanent, but a doctor is the one to discuss this with. And you can even see your family doctor....(I did)


And as for anyone that would tell your son he "has no future", shame on them. Explain to your son that whoever said that is ignorant and really doesn't know a thing about him. You know the drill.


This was all said with only the best of intentions. take care.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 7:44pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 9:54pm

(((((((HUGS))))))) to you Marie. When I started reading your post it sounded just like what my friend would write about her grandson, who is more like a son than a gs. He has always had some kind of problem. ADD and other problems in school ended up getting his final credits online and graduating with a great deal of perseverance and tutoring from g-ma. Problems didn't end there, he was drinking too much and some other things that I won't get into. Then suddenly he got serious about what he was going to do and made some decisions about his life and will be starting college courses in January. G-ma says she hasn't seen him this happy in a very long time. He is unsure of himself, but is determined. I think a lot of it was just that he needed to mature, maybe that is the case with your ds18 too.


But he somehow has to get that confidance that he needs to succeed. I would encourage him to get all the help he can due to his learning disability. He is entitled to the extra provisions and he should take them. I would continue to encourage him

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 11:02am

Our school system is exploring teaching via "multiple intelligences."

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2007
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 11:46am

i dont have time toread the other posts right now lol but whatever the topic is but i WHOLE HEARTEDLY agree with bunnie.As in adults students all have differant interests and areas where they will excell.


lol reading bunnie's post was like reading about me.lol




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