worried mom again!!
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worried mom again!!
| Fri, 03-09-2007 - 10:04am |
i took everyones advise to continue to let my 13 yr old date her 14 yr old boyfriend. but with limits and supervision.well here its friday and she wants to go cosmic bowling tonight at 10:30 with her friends and boyfriend. she says thiers not going to be any parents thier. so i told her thier would have to be a parent thier or myself or she cant go . i told her that i would get her and bf a movie to stay home and watch .butshe got mad at me and said i was treating her like a baby .that none of the other parents care all her other friends are allowed to go on thier own.i get the feeling she wants alone time away from me to makeout with bf.and the parent she says she would see to go is one that is a pushover he doesnt have the watchful eye i have thats why she said he would.am i wrong for not letting her go ?i want her to have fun with her friends but i dont want to able her to make out with this kid .also does anyone know of any good book i could get my daughter about dating and sex sort of educational.i want to have the sex talk with her but i dont know exactly how .i'd hate to skrew that up please help

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Perhaps that is the case, and you may have a point; however, for every study person A can dig up proving point A, person B can dig up proving POINT B. Let's face it, statistics are REALLY only representative of the group in which they are polled.
In fact, you even mention that in your comments, indicating that your statistics are based on an average of all cultural and socio-economic circles.
I would, however, like to offer an opinion on "studies." They are representative of those people who are interviewed, first of all, and secondly, particularly in the case of teenage sex, they are not necessarily based on any actual teenage "honesty." Socio-economic group A may engage in more sex than SE Group B...add to that that SE Group B, based on their culture, is also less likely to ADMIT it, and your statistics are skewed even further.
Lest you think I'm just spouting statistics, please know that my ex-husband is the supervisor of all residential adolescent facilities in my state...he's been studying adolescents and their behavior for 25 years, and believe me, some of it sinks in. In addition, I work for a graduate school, and I often see the statistics reflected in students' dissertations - all of which are far different from each other, depending on where the study was taken and who the subjects are.
However, that being said, I suppose it IS possible that the study you indicate is representative of a large faction of the truth - and that the openness of discussion has prompted us to think that the problem with teen sexuality has increased when it really hasn't.
THat does not mean it still doesn't exist - and in fact, whether there are more girls TALKING about having sex then when I was 15, or more girls actually HAVING sex than when I was 15, I KNOW of more 15 year old girls having sex than when I was that age.
I also believe in what my mother told me - "If you let him do THIS, he's going to want to do THAT, and he's going to tell you he loves you when he really doesn't." Strangely enough, that advice was always right on the money - even dating in my 40's (yes, this is still the case). So the fact remains that any activity that gets the hormones racing makes the potential of moving forward a real one, and whether there are fewer teenagers engaging in it now than before, I don't want one of my children to be one of the 33%.
I already have a sexually active teen. Even though he's 18, and there's not much I can do about it, and to be honest, I was sexually active with his FATHER when I was 18, it is still a frightening experience to know that your child is making choices that can affect his future even though he doesn't necessarily have the judgement to make those choices.
And I don't think 13 has any business making sexual decisions - at all - and wouldn't want to put my child in the position where they would have to make those decisions.
Edited 3/10/2007 2:20 pm ET by mamarose60
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