worried, but should I trust?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
worried, but should I trust?
4
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 1:56pm

I have 3 DD's, 15, 18 + 20 yrs. All 3 have/had long term BF's 2 yrs. or more. My worry is with my youngest (15yr.old) + her BF. They have been dating since 8th grade/13yrs , they are now 15yrs., and sophmores in HS. He spends alot of time here, truely cares for her, and we are close to his parents. He is very active in sports, and she is a good student also in sports. So I am glad they both have other areas to put their "energy" toward. I have spoken to her at length about sex,condoms, relationships, and have been very open to her about responsibility. She is the shy one of all the girls, so often not too forthright in info. right away re; her relationship. She has stated on several occasions she is not ready for sex at all and that yes, they have talked about all of this. She has told me about several of her friends who have "done things" already and she is not ready for that. She also told me of a few girls who are on the pill already and not involved in a relationship, but just want to be ready... huh? Has anyone elses teens revealed this or similar?

I am fearful that let's face it, they are teens with hormones! They are very close, and this relationship has lasted a long time I think for this age. I am not ready to put her on BC, nor did I do that for her older sis's when they were 15yrs. But something in my gut tells me these 2 may take the plunge if ever left alone for a few hours ( we have tried to avoid this so far)and the outcome may not be good. Why is it with the youngest I
would be willing to get her protected, even though I would hope and wish they would wait
til' they are older and more mature? Am I just more liberal with the youngest? How can I trust that if they decide to take a huge step like this, he would use protection and they use it correctly? How or should I bring up this situation with his parents, hoping they too have discussed responsibility? I almost think they are relieved that he spends most all of his time w/ her here at our home so they don't have to deal with this temptation. Any thoughts would be great, thanks! (Maybe I should of put this in sexually active teens, sorry) :(

Edited 7/4/2007 2:04 pm ET by shabbychic3




Edited 7/4/2007 2:17 pm ET by shabbychic3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 2:21pm

I don't know about contacting his parents - when they were back in hs, my DIL's mother made that kind of contact with me, only she framed it pretty much as in "he'd better not make her have sex with him" - and they were both 18 at the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 4:09pm
I think you need to keep talking to your dd about the physical and emotional consequences of having sex at such a young age, the fact that the relationship will change drastically once they take that step, the fact that once she takes that step with this bf it will be easier with each subsequent bf (and chances are she'll have many more bfs). She is so VERY young to have a bf of 2 years already. Any 'romances' my boys had at 13 consisted of talking at school and perhaps sitting together on the bus! Since you are close to the other parents I'd definitely talk to them about it and make sure they are on the same page as you as far as supervision. Yes, where there's a will there's a way but it doesn't mean you have to make it easy for them. If they are both 15 chances are they aren't driving yet so that makes supervision a bit easier. I'd also encourage your dd to spend more time with her other friends - kids miss out on SO much when they have such 'attached at the hip' relationships as young teens. Good luck and hope to see you around her often!


Pam - Ivillage Community Leader

CL:
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 12:04am

If your gut is telling you that you think these two might 'take the plunge' as you say, then I would definitely put your daughter on BC. I'd also sit down with DD, and just explain that you aren't advocating that she take that step, in fact, you'd like it if she did not since she is only 15 and you feel that is too young for sexual activity. However, that said, you also want her safe and protected. You might also want to discuss the idea of using condoms because of the transmission of STDs. Just my two cents here.

Nancy

Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 9:45am
Set up the rules so that they can't be alone either at their house or your house....if you feel comfortable talking to his mother about this, ask that she enforce the rules at her house as well.