Would YOU allow this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Would YOU allow this?
10
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 4:30pm

Hi all. My younger son is 14. He's been invited to go to the Lake (of the ozarks) by a good friend of his. They've been friends for years, I know his folks and trust them. The boy's parents will be leaving town on Saturday and leaving the boys in the care of brother/sister in law.........whom I DO NOT know.

He's desperate to go, and I'm very unsure about sending my kid somewhere that people I don't know are in charge. I'm assuming if my son's friends mom trusts her family w/ her kids it ought to be ok, BUT.........

He's very upset that we are considering not letting him go. Oh BTW, we are less than an hour from the lake--not sure as far as THEIR place, but the general lake area is only about 45 min away........so going to the Lake is something we do as recreation---so he already knows how fun it is.

HELPPPPPPPPP.

Shels

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 4:41pm

Hi Shels..

How old is brother/sister in law? Do they have kids?
Personally, I'd let him go. You trust the parents. They in turn trust the in-laws. But I do understand your reservations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 5:18pm

How long is he supposed to stay with the other relatives?

If it's just for a 2 or 3 days, I'd probably let him go. If for longer, I would probably still let him stay and pick him up early.

14 is a tough age. It's really the age I had to start letting go some with my own DS.

Good luck,
zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 6:11pm

Hey Daddioe!! Long time no chat! In laws are adults w/ grown children---I am hearing from my son that they are highly professional individuals-lawyer? Judge?

The parents of C's friend are wonderful people, and I'd trust them w/ my son for a weekend, so I agree on the premise if they trust their family w/ their kids that I can trust too, but wow........he was just a little guy a few years ago....I can't believe he's 14!!

Oh, and yes, I have control issues, which complicate my decision making abilities!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 6:11pm
Even though you trust the parents, you still have doubts. Why not ask the parents to put you in touch with these in-laws and invent an excuse to call them? You could just say you're an overprotective mom who wants to make sure lights are out by midnight, no sketchy DVD's, not too much junk food, you get the idea. If the in-laws don't come across as responsible, that would give you an out. And if they sound fine, then you can rest easy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 6:21pm

Friday night w/ the family I know plus the extended family. My son's friends folks will leave Sat. am, and the BIL AND SIL will return home with their kids and mine some time on Sunday---I assume afternoon or evening....

After long discussions, we decided to let him go....actually my DH made the decision as I was unable to keep from waffling----I think it will be fine, but the Lake of the Ozarks is the 3rd most dangerous waterway in the US---after the Atlantic ocean and the Colorado river---Yikes. I started going to the lake as a teen w/ my dad and his boat. He still docks a boat there, and although we don't go every weekend like we used to, we still go and have a blast....but WE are in control of the situation. The boys tube and ski and my 16 yr old even drives the boat!! again, WE are in control........

I know my 14 yr old would TOTALLY disagree, but the one brain cell he's currently in possession of doesn't instill alot of confidence that he'll be able to not think that jumping off of some cliffside or huge wall at 3 am won't be an AWESOME idea.........

So help me, if their place is ANYWHERE near the party cove, I'll probably flip out (Party cove is notorious for adult 'PARTY'...nudity, major alcohol consumption, and grown men and women acting like 14 yr olds themselves........)

Shels

Shels

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 6:31pm

14 is a tough age - just the start of mom letting go and preparing the kids for the time when they really fly the nest for good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 8:14pm
That's even better!
If the inlaws were very young adults, there is always the possibility of trying to be "cool" with the teens. As an aging curmudgeon myself, if faced with the responsibility of supervising an unknown teen, I'd be all over him like mold on cheese. I think your DS will be very well supervised. I'm sure he'll return in one piece.
Of course, as you point out, anything's possible with a 14 yr. old... :-) Yet those "potential" problems exist no matter who is supervising!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 10:13pm

Ah, the perils of becoming an adult....we lose all ability to do THEN think.......

My 14 yr old is so more carefree than my oldest....he's hysterically funny, and is truly a kind kid......BUT he is 14, and the little girls he runs with tell him he should be an Abercrombie model..........so it's created a firestorm of black and white 'self' portraits---him gazing in a mirror, or trying to look pensive, sensitve and sexy all at once........his photography technique leaves something to be desired (the hands on a mirror didn't work since the camera reflected in the mirror, too). He's a joy, BUT he's a 14 yr old boy that is a wannabe sex symbol aka country music star. He's too funny!

I guess he's going, and I'll be a wreck, but that's MY job....I think he'll have a good time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 12:40am
Ok i think you should go and meet these ppl, like you said if she trusts them they cant be too bad that.If you go meet em put aside your uneasy feelins and see what their all about if they seem like wierdo's then i wouldnt let him go if they seem like decent ppl then let him have his fun. Always trust your motherly instinct about deciferin ppl's personalitys but dont let it cloud out all the possibilities of liking the folks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 12:33pm

I'd watch those "little girls" he runs with. If they are his age they might not behave like little girls should. At that age the girls can often be the aggressors.

Anyhow, aside from that I'd let him go and since it is short he should be fine.

My DS is 14 this year and I am NOT bringing a friend to Myrtle Beach this year because both my sons (14, 17) and their friends are girl crazy. They were last year, when we brought one 13 yr old boy with us, but I fear this year things could progress too far and I won't be responsible, especailly when our hotel room would be accessible to them and I'll be down on the beach!