Would You Move ...?
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| Wed, 07-12-2006 - 12:04pm |
Would you move your school age kids out of state? If you didn't really have to?
DH called me from work yesterday. There is a job opportunity (same company) that he is interested in ... in Denver, Colorado! DH has a rather specialized position in the mainframe/storage industry, so opportunities for new positions don't come up often. The position is actually a bit of a step down for him, but he seems to feel that he could transfer at his same grade and salary and/or that the reduced cost of living in CO would more than make up for it if he can't.
Living here has gotten cost prohibitive. Gasoline prices are up close to $3.50 a gallon and that is the big, and necessary, expense that's killing us. Housing prices are ridiculous, as are property taxes, etc.
ANYWAY ... I've posted here before that I'm not so crazy about where we live. DD, in the past, has always been open to the idea of moving. She's said "Well, I've been the new kid before and I guess I can do it again". Like me, she is always open to new advantures. But I mentioned this to her yesterday, however, she was a bit hesitant. She told me later she wasn't exactly opposed to CO, it just wasn't a place she ever expected to live, she was feeling more settled in school now and wasn't sure she would want to move.
DS on the other hand, is vehemently opposed to a move of any kind. He is a kid that just doesn't like change. We've been telling him for the past year that he wouldn't have to change schools until he started hs -- two years away -- and he could finish up middle school with the friends he started kindy with. However, a move at that point would put DD moving right before senior year, and I couldn't do that to her. That would be rough.
Another issue is the fact we have three horses and pay quite a bit each month in boarding fees. We simply cannot afford horse property in California. Well, we could in some areas, but DH already has an hour commute to work (before taking DD to school, which adds another 15 minutes one-way) and with gas prices, how much sense would it make to move even further away?
DH's younger DB and SIL moved to the Denver area about 3 months ago, so we would know SOMEONE in the area. DH and I spoke to them last night and they claim to really like it. However, their DS is only just starting school in September, and I don't feel they have all a whole lot of experience and opinions to share having lived there such a short period of time that really convinces me it would be a good and positive move.
So I guess my question is: would you move your family and uproot your kids during their school years for anything less than what could be considered absolutely necessary? The happiness and security of my kids are first and foremost in my heart.

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WE moved 4 years ago when the kids were entering their 5th grade, freshman and senior years.
You would think I would have some BTDT 20/20 insight, but ...I dont!
My interpretation of the events and DHs are about as opposite as you can get
I did NOT like where we were living; we lived there 10 years and had made the original move against my will. Long story-one of those marital wounds that never quite heals.
DS1 said he didnt care about moving as he hated high school and was involved in nothing. DS2 was opposed and very involved in multiple activities. DS3, as usual, didnt say much.
DS2 adjusted just fine but DS1 did have trouble finding friends. OTOH he had the opportunity to take dual credit classes at the community college and that may have kept him more interested in school his senior year-who knows? He took 3d animation, CISCO, stuff that really peaked his interest and werent available where we were
But..he dropped out of college his first year and DH insists its because we moved. NOTHING is going to change his mind on that.
Im not quite so convinced. My brother and nephew followed this same path. Drop out, see working without an education sucks, THEN see the light! They are quite the three peas in a pod in my way of thinking!
Of course I LOVE where we are now living. I have no regrets except that we didnt move here ages ago. I think THAT would have made a difference if anything would have.
Point being...somewhere in there....that moving tends to become a scapegoat for every teen woe that has crossed our path
DS2 would have stayed in sports if we hadnt moved, again-DHs opinion, not mine!
AS you have probably guessed, DH isnt overly happy HERE and misses where we lived four years ago
I figure I suffered for 10 years there; he OWES me 10 here!
It's complex but I do think the adults are the ones who have more trouble with this than the kids. Kids are a heck of a lot more flexible.
DS1 told us last week-out of the blue- that he thinks its cool we moved around and he wants to do the same. He said he would like to get his degree(allelujah)and then move to either Vermont, Colorado, or North Carolina. I figure we cant have traumatized him TOO much!
So, welcome to some more confusion after reading this mess...
I haven't read your responses yet but I am certainly going to as I am somewhat going through the same thing. DD14 is going to be a freshman this upcoming year, she has a boyfriend (an actual good one!) and has made the cheering squad. DH is in the military and reports to a dreadful base next month which we expect he will deploy from shortly thereafter. If he deploys it's a no-brainer we stay here for the duration, but if he doesn't (fingers crossed) and we have to move things will get U-G-L-Y!! DD has only been here a year but absolutely loves it. Dh and I have been discussing this for months - he has 5.5 years left of military and we had debated me and the kids staying here while he finishes up, I just don't know that I could do it! I feel like I have to choose between my dh and my dd. I moved around as a kid so much and lucky mine haven't had too many moves (just one big one last year which we thought was the last) - I really don't want to choose!
Anyway, no advice, just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one in this predicament - I have no idea what to do!
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