Would you say yes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Would you say yes?
5
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 6:35pm
My 15yo DD asked to go "hang out" at a local lake this evening. It's owned by a private lake club, and one of her friends belongs to this club. She has been there with this girl many times before. This time, however, she's asking to go there after dinner and remain on the beach until about 9pm. She says there are lights and other people around also. This friend of hers goes to a different high school. And she is inviting a boy she knows/likes to join them. I don't understand why my DD even wants to go along, but she mentioned that this guy may bring one of his friends, too. Now I'm thinking that there will be these 2 girls, neither of whom is very savvy, and 2 (I assume) 15 yo boys, neither of whom I know anything about. They both go to yet a different high school altogether. I trust this friend's parents, but I don't feel that it's right to let my DD go "hang out" on a beach at night with 2 boys whose names I don't even know. My DD is generally responsible, but she isn't very "with it" a lot of the time. Am I being too strict? Luckily it's thundering tonight, so they've postponed this until Monday. What would you do?
Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 7:39pm
If the time frame is from after dinner until 9 pm, I think it sounds pretty tame. Will the parents be at the club? I would be inclined to let her go!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 8:44pm

Based on the time frame you give, and that it's a "club" lake that you need to have membership to, and that the boys are also 15, I'd let her go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 2:52am

Maybe I am too cautious, but I wouldn't be too cool with this either. I have a girl almost 15 and also a 13 year old. I would be very nervous about it being dark. I think I would trust her to hang out and be happy that she had friends, etc. But I'd have a talk first and would definitely make it the day light hours. I don't think I'd let my daughters anywhere in the dark unsupervised by an adult.

I don't know if this really helps. This is my first time on this web site. I'd be glad to help you as you bounce this around. But I don't know if you can get back in touch or how this works. You can email at info@darydayshow.com if you want. I hate when I have one of these calls to make! I am rather cautious about my daughters safety. Tomorrow for the first time I am letting them go to the movies with just a girlfriend and no adult! I am probably the last in my area to do so. But I am not really overly concerned about my daughter and guys. I don't think she would drink or get sexually involved. Also, although she is very pretty and was popular, she got acne in her teens. To see how this effected her socially, as a parent I am grateful if she has people to socialize with other than her couple best friends. She went to a small, private snobbish school where perfection was the rule. Also, there were only something like 12 girls in my one daughter's grade so there aren't a lot of chances for socializing. We all are always looking for ways to get more kids in their lives at our school. My girls just went to camp. In one photo my 14 year old is sitting by a lake hanging out with a couple guys and girl. But it was daylight. Looking at that photo I realize I would have been concerned if it were night. Anyway, good luck! I'd like to hear from you if you wish as you seem like a very thorough, thoughtful mom! I think you are doing a great job by putting in that concern and effort! Best, Dary

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 1:11am
Doesn't should like too much could go wrong here, after dinner to 9pm sounds like about 3 hours to me. Three hours with a person you just met usually isn't going to produce too many sparks. Let her go, then check her attitude after. As long as you've been talking to her about the obvious boy/girl issues there shouldn't be that big a problem. I would add that if she decides to go out again with the boy he should then come over to meet you even if only to show you he doesn't have 3 eyes or bolts in his neck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 7:47am
Thanks to everyone for your replies! Of course you are right; not much could really go wrong in a private club like that in those 3 hours. My DD was complaining yesterday that I ask her too many questions--what did I ask here? Where she was going and with whom! I don't think that's really going overboard. LOL. I appreciate all of your comments!