Would you tell about this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Would you tell about this?
12
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 9:46pm

We recently had a discussion on another thread about whether or not to tell a teen's parents about something posted on their MySpace page. How about this situation: My neighbor's DD turned 16 in April. During the past couple of weeks, I've seen her twice driving to school in the morning in her snazzy new SUV with a car full of friends. I don't see how this adds up. In my state, you can't even take your driving test and get your license until you've had your learner's permit for 120 days (180 if you don't take a driving course). And you can't even get your permit until your 16th birthday. Plus,after you do have your license, you can only drive with a parent or a licensed driver over 20 years of age for the first three months. Then for the next three months, you can only drive members of your immediate family. If I'm doing the math correctly, that would mean that the absolute earliest she could be driving any friends around would be

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Wed, 09-19-2007 - 10:53pm

I'm 19. I don't have kids, but anyway.

I don't think you should tell the other parents about their daughter driving people to school, for a few reasons. One being that they may now already know what she is doing; another being that this could easily turn into a 'shoot the messenger' or 'your word against hers' scenario. I am assuming you do have teenage children.

In my opinion, you should not get involved unless one day you see your children sitting in that car too, because that's when it does concern you. And because you mention your family are not really social with this neighbour, that's unlikely to happen.

Of course, I am assuming that, regardless of whether your child(ren) are friends with this girl or not, you've told them that they are not to accept rides from her. Reiterate that to them and explain why. Put it in simple, blunt terms: "She is acting like an idiot behind the wheel, and you would have to be an idiot to get in the car with her". It might seem rude, but something that blunt will get through.

It makes me so mad, as a learner driver (still) to see people who had to practice and practice to get their licenses, just playing stupid and taking dangerous chances now that they have them. In my opinion, teens get their licenses too early in the US, but that's another discussion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 7:01am

I would want to tell - the DD is doing something that is both dangerous and illegal. I might chicken out in the end, but you could approach it with "did you know the law is...." or "my dd wants to drive too, it's a bummer they can't drive by themselves until...."

It's possible the parents know and condone this, in which case you wouldn't gain anything by telling.

But, if they don't know, they'll be glad to hear about it.

Sue

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 7:30am

My dd(16) is in her probationary period now and I definitely would want to know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 8:23am

I don't know that I'd come right out and say something bluntly, but I might drop a little hint that mom maybe better be looking into things.... kind of like "Wow, kids sure to grow up faster than you expect don't they?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 9:30am

I'm with bunnierose...I would mention something in passing.

Suzanne
Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 10:26am
I would mention it as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 10:47am

I'm not sure if I would tell or not if it was someone I didn't know well.


When my DD first got her license and had the 6 mo period where she couldn't drive w/ friends in the car, I emphasized that rule very often, although I'm sure she did occas. drive w/ friends in the car (but she never got caught).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 1:26pm
I would probably take a different approach by anonymously contacting the school resource officer and reporting what I saw and knew, and then
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 09-20-2007 - 2:40pm
That's kind of funny, because at the high school, there are always police there directing traffic when school opens & closes for the day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Fri, 09-21-2007 - 6:40am
I think the parents deserve to know. We have pretty strict laws in my state too. Very similar to what you're describing. I would be very upset if my dd17 were breaking the law in that way b/c the driving restrictions on her license are in place to protect her, her passengers, the other drivers on the road, and the little children lined up on the sidewalks waiting for their bus. You said the mother is a neighbor of yours. Are you close to someone else in your neighborhood that is also close to the mother? Perhaps you could ask that person to pass on this information. However it gets to the parents, they need to know. This is a matter of safety for your community, IMHO. That child does not have the right to put others at risk whether her parents condone it or not. If it were me, I believe that if the parents did not put a stop to it, I would then inform the police of the place and times that she could be found. I know it sounds harsh, but my young boys stand at a bus stop in the morning and I wouldn't want them struck by an irresponsible teenager who was distracted by her many backseat passengers, just b/c she felt like doing whatever she pleased, despite a restricted license.

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