WWYD...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
WWYD...
15
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 8:21am

One of DD's best friends called late Sunday AM for help because her car broke down.
DD asked me if she could go. I said I will go with her as she's only been licensed 2 weeks, and B might need help with the car.
B (17) tells DD no - DD only, or she will get someone else to help.
This suprised me. B is a pretty good kid.
Sorry. Nope.

I haven't discussed this circus with DD yet. I need to convey a message to both of them; especially B (through DD). Before I do that, I'd like your input.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: daddioe
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 8:43am

My first thought when I read this was the B had more than car trouble.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 9:03am

agree 100% ... definitely sounds like a drinking and driving scenario - or god forbid - something worse so you are 100% correct to NOT let a 16 yr old go out late at night or early in the a.m. to help a friend... i think it was very generous of you to offer to come along and if B didn't want that -then she didn't need the help badly enough.

rachel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: daddioe
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 9:41am

I agree that something more than car trouble was going on and that B didn't want any adults to know what it was!

I like Pam's advice -- if an adult, and a male one at that, couldn't offer assistance with car trouble to a teenage girl, that raises red flags that B's story wasn't on the up and up.

I hope B was okay and maybe, just in need of a shoulder to cry on.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 12:01pm

Somethings up. Your DD is only licensed for 2w, she is in no position to address whatever car crisis has arisen. B is a good kid? That doesn't mean she didn't get into a pickle that she's trying to cover up. Being a "good kid" is the ultimate cover up for naughtiness (as I've posted before).


I guess my message would be something along the lines of......Driving a car is a priviledge for mature individuals. Maturity and secrecy do not go hand in hand. There is nothing a kid has done that should be hidden from adults who are in a position to help you. Avoiding consequences are the benchmark of immaturity. You know the angle I'm getting at Daddioe. GL, sort of dying to know what the nature of secretive car trouble is. Betty

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 12:25pm

I guess it all depends on what your gut is telling you. Maybe I'm naive but because I trust what MY dds' are up to, I'd probably allow them to go help thier friend with instructions to get right home after.

You just never know. I think it's pretty typical that most parents would suspect drinking or drugs or something, but maybe it wasn't anything like that at all. Maybe it was something just personal and/or having to do with 'womanly' things and the friend called her trusted friend and didn't want to be in a position of such vulnerability by having her friend's dad/mom along. You know how so many teens over dramatize thier lives that what may seem like an incredibly embarrassing and/or humiliating experience to them means almost nothing to an adult parent.

I think I would have let dd go help her friend. But again, it would really depend on which friend it was, the time of night, and the whereabouts of the friend. I've accompanied dd17 to help a few of her friends and a couple of her friends have stepped up to the plate to help her and none of these incidents included drugs or alcohol - it was all teenage drama.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: daddioe
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 12:58pm

I've got a couple of thoughts on this...red flags popped up for me too, but when I re-read the post it hit me that it was late Sunday morning...so I'm assuming a little before noon? To me, that sorta dumps the drinking and driving theory. Hung over and not wanting to drive? That's a possibility. In either scenario the child was smart enough to ask for a ride from a friend. Now, had this happened in the middle of the night, it gets a little trickier. So much depends on how late it is, how far does she have to drive to get to her friend, road conditions, etc. My biggest concern (over and above my own child) would be, what if the "child in need" *is* drunk, or high, or whatever? What if she can't find anyone to drive her home and attempts it herself? I would be up the rest of the night worrying about it.

Perhaps you and your dd can come up with something between you now, so that if this type of scenario happens again, you will both have an idea about what you expect from each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 1:37pm

This statement tells me everything. If her car broke down, how is your dd going to help her with that other than giving her a ride, which depending on which state you're in would be illegal (new drivers with less than 6 months to 1 year of experience, depending on the state, cannot drive anyone under 20 other than a sibling). And if the problem is not truly car trouble, then someone is lying, and of course you have to say no in that case anyway.

You did the right thing...but I think you already know that. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 1:11am

Thanks for your replies.
I asked DD if she can tell me what happened.
Nope.
I said, OK then.. It's time for "don't talk, just listen."
First, I emphasised DD's not in trouble here. It's not her behavior we're dealing with. But B put her in one hell of a spot by asking for her silence. The next time she wants to do something with DD there will be LOTS of discussion. (I had her get a paper and pen to "convey" some of my points to B). Part of maturity is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. What the hell am I supposed to think? From now on how am I to reconcile DD's safety when spending time with B? I'm disappointed B could not trust me. I've read kids the riot act before without ratting them out. Unless very serious, I usually negotiate an agreement with them to prevent that phone call.

Maybe this was something relatively minor, or embarassing. Drinking was unlikely, at 10 AM on a Sunday morning. One night, the two of them went on a TP'ing gala covering several of their friends houses. My guess was she was someplace she was not supposed to be. But the whole thing doesn't add up. And what on earth was DD going to do to "help"?
What makes this even more confusing (and a bit unusual), B is very religious and attends a very strict church by her own choosing and is very involved. Her parents seperately attend our church. She is committed to no sex before marriage and has the philosophy that your body is a holy temple and is to be treated as such. Alcohol and penises not allowed.. :-)
We'll just have to wait and see where this goes. Where's the tylonol....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2005
In reply to: daddioe
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 8:53am

Goll dang it Daddioe, are you telling me I don't get to hear the answer to the riddle? We can all speculate but its not nearly as satisfying. FWIW you did and said everything right.


Now what the heck was that girl up to??????? BTW I don't care about how very Christian anyone appears to be...its the ultimate coverup. Betty

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: daddioe
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 2:21pm
rofl...
hopefully tomorrow when DD and I go shopping for DW's birthday present.
I'm dyin here....

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