WWYD - friend's house, no parents
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| Tue, 06-06-2006 - 12:38pm |
Tomorrow DD(almost 15, end of 9th grade) has a half day of school. She asked if she can go, with a bunch of girl and guy friends, to G's house to "hang out on his roof" (I'm guessing it's an apt building and they're hoping for sun). The answer to "will parents be there?" is probably not.
So my first inclination is "no" - they can hang out in the school courtyard or in Central Park, or go to a movie, or go to the mall, but hanging at someone's house.....it's different.
Her comeback is that she has never given me any reason to not trust her (true), that at least two of the other girls are her most trustworthy friends (also true), they can't hang out in the courtyard forever, and how can she prove she's trustworthy if I won't let her do new stuff.
So.....is this one of those times when you let go a little? She's a very responsible kid, but there are temptations for everyone. But she's right, I do have to loosen the reins eventually. And she's going to a two-week "college" experience this summer, where there will be more temptation and even less adult supervision.....
How would you react to this? How do I satisfy my need to know and control with her need to stretch and test?
Sue

Hi Sue,
This may be one of those situations when all the other parents learn that their teens will not be supervised at this get together, it will all fall apart and no one will be able to hang out on the rooftop together anyway.
In addition to the usual boy/girl scenarios, a rooftop doesn't sound all that great a place to hang out, and while I know its common in large cities, it just doesn't sound safe to me! A few hormone soaked teenage boys prone to posturing, wrestling, horsing around, etc., on a rooftop and it could be a recipe for disaster. That's the alarmist in me talking, btw.
But I applaud your DD for being forthright and honest about the lack of parental involvement. Shows she's s mature and responsible young lady.
Julie
Thanks, Pam! I agree that impulses can get the best of any kid. And even a great kid can only resist temptation for so long. It's so hard at this age - they don't need "watching" in the same way they did a few years ago - but in some ways they need it more.
One problem I face is because she's more than an hour away from me after school, I feel limited in what I can enforce. If I say "NO WAY", am I encouraging her to sneak around? In some ways, I'd rather give partial permission (you can go but only for X amount of time, only if S and A are there, and here are guidelines for behavior) than forbid it and have her sneak and lie.
She and DH are at a school concert tonight, so I won't get a chance to talk to either of them before 6am tomorrow.
Sue
Thanks, Julie! You're right about the other parents. S and A, two of Leah's "straightest" friends, have the strictest parents. If S isn't allowed to go, I doubt Leah will go. This is the friend she rides the subway with, and she's unlikely to stay in Manhattan if S goes home. Actually, I'd bet that in the morning, Leah will say the plans fell through and that she and her 'girlies' (the fivesome that's been together since 7th grade) decided to go see a movie or something.
I do feel like I need to give her a little more freedom, if only so that she can face (and deal with) the variety of temptations on her own.
Have not had a chance to talk to DH about this - he and DD are at a school concert tonight - and I won't see either of them until tomorrow morning.
Sue