WWYD? In a quandry here............
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| Mon, 01-23-2006 - 12:08pm |
Just found out from a dear friend's daughter that my dd was at a party about a week ago that I didn't know about. She told me that she was having a girl's night at her best friends house with another good friend. Then I noticed all last week that no one called here for her. So, Saturday I talked to dd about what is going on between her and her friends. She only gave me part of the story, but never told me about the party or the boy she was hot and heavily making out with. Who by the way her best friend really likes.
I am calling her father and stepmother today and she is going to be on house arrest for a very long time. Do they not realize the safety issues involved? Was she not thinking? I am just so upset on so many levels.
TIA,
Angie (mom to ds 18, dd 16, b/g twins 4)


ouch...
first - do you know for sure that she was actually at this party and making out with the boy? you got this info from someone who is mad at her.
second - your dd is going thru a difficult time right now, if everyone is mad at her for some reason. she probably could use some support. i am not saying that you should let her off the hook if she indeed DID sneak around to a party etc. but it sounds like things are difficult for her.
third - you always have to be careful about 'over'punishing. again, not saying that she should just be allowed to do what ever she wants - but when you over punish, it can backfire, sometimes it causes the kids to think "well they don't trust me no matter what i do, and i have nothing else to lose so i might as well just do what i want"...
Thank you for giving me some things to think about. I didn't get the information from someone that is mad at dd, I got it from another person dd confided in that doesn't go to the same school.
When dd and I talked on Saturday I did give her lots of support because she told me that her best friend was just upset with an honest thing she said to her. I told my dd that it was great that she was honest and that she did do it tactfully and I did empathize with what she was going through because I have been there recently myself.
You are right about overpunishing. What I really want from this situation is the lines of communication opening and we have some serious talks about how far she is into many things. (ie. drinking, drugs and sex)
Thanks again,
Angie