You will all be so proud of me!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
You will all be so proud of me!!!
3
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 11:50am
Yesterday, ds came home with a permission slip to attend a music festival with the band in Allentown, PA, and then go to Dorney Park. I looked it over (it cost $55) and told him he couldn't go. That he doesn't do his homework, so he can't do the extra things. He looked at me like he thought I was joking, but I was dead serious. I even called his band teacher and told him the reason why he couldn't go. He got his report card yesterday, and though it was slightly better than last marking period (he got a C language arts instead of an F) it still sucked.

I also found out that he lied to the track coach about why he wasn't attending practices. He told her that I said that he couldn't go because I wanted him to work on his homework more because his grades are bad. He told me that she said she only needed him for meets and not practice because she had 3 other managers. So he lied to both of us.

Ellen, who thinks an ulcer is starting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 1:34pm
I understand what you're doing with that method, but to me trust it the only real currency a teen has with his parents. Break it and it's over. A mistake, understandable, but a systematic telling of lies is severe - more than "lost allowance" (or more than *just* lost allowance).

I've told my girls any number of times that losing my trust is the *one* thing they don't want to do and the *one* thing that I can't *choose* not to happen as a result of their transgressions.

So far, they seem to believe me - or at least they haven't chosen lying as a rebellion mode.

Firefly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 12:23pm
When he was smaller, like 9 or 10, I used to deduct a dollar from his allowance for every lie he told. One week he only got $2 out of $5. That cured him for a while. This morning I asked him why he felt he had to lie to me about track. He said the typical teen answer "I don't know." I told him that wasn't an answer and I wanted him to think about it. Right now, I'm not really sure if I should continue that deduct $1 thing, or what I should do about these lies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-16-2003 - 11:54am
Lying is one of only a very small handful of deadly sins in our household.

It starts as soon as a child figures out that parents don't really see *everything* that happens and they can get away with a thing or two if they edit the truth a little and it continues until (sadly) they get caught and understand that while lying may be instinctual, lying well is a skill.

I try very hard not to give them the chance to learn the skill. Mostly I do that by rewarding incidences of misbehavior if they are honestly reported (I don't reward the misbehavior itself, so much as I reward the honest reporting of it).

In my older kids, being caught in a lie is about the only thing we reserve "shame" for in our house.

Good for you.

Firefly