A 'Young Man' Situation - daddio?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
A 'Young Man' Situation - daddio?
15
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 2:16pm

I have a situation and I'm wondering what any of you with teenage boy experience (or who were formerly teenage boys, like daddio) would tell me. My ds16 (okay, 17 in 7 days - I'm hanging on here) is in a band with mostly other 16/17 yo's, but one 19 yo. They've been doing shows now for a while, right in town which is fine. There are only two in the band that drive and one of them is the 19 yo. Now they have scheduled a show in Santa Cruz (which is a beach resort town about 45 minutes from us on a windy mountain road). Son is now telling me he will look like a _____ (insert word here) if he has a parent go along, and that the 19 yo will be beside himself if a parent of anyone attends, being as he is officially "legal". Mind you, my dh is a concert sound engineer and knows his way around a stage, but being a parent makes him automatically uncool. I really want my dh to go along - no way do I feel comfortable letting my (he will be 17 by then) ds go with a 19 yo driving to a show that far away. I do know at some point I have to loosen those apron strings but is this the time to do it? I know he is about to become a "man" (not that he shows any indications of being ready for the responsibility that entails, etc.) I've never allowed ds to go that far on a drive with any teenager. This is a dangerous road (I don't mean that figuratively, btw), for anyone not familiar with it. A bunch of teenage boys caravaning to a nearby resort town with no adult supervision - sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

What should I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 6:08pm

The road is a parent's worst nightmare - a windy road with major congestion and traffic - many live "over the hill" and commute into the larger city 45 minutes away. It's the site of many an accident - fatal and otherwise - including freeway car pile ups. The road I'm speaking of is actually a freeway. The 19 yo who would be driving was in a major accident a few years ago where he actually rolled his Jeep and wound up walking away with a few bruises. He was telling my ds and the fellow band members how he learned his lesson - apparently he is immune to peer pressure as he tells the guys, "You guys are underage but I am not." He learned a lesson about "showing off" while driving, so he says. On the other hand, he loves cars, is studying to be a mechanic and drives a Mustang. I know absolutely nothing else about this boy, other than he smokes cigarrettes (not in my house) and occasionally the funny ones too. I don't know if he can be trusted to abstain while driving no matter what ds may think.

So I'm worried about the road, inexperience of the driver (I have no idea how many times he's driven this road), driving while under "an influence", as well as the nature of the crowd that will be at this show. I'm going to do a little research on the venue. Fortunately, my boss lives in the area and knows it pretty well. Right now ds knows that we're concerned, and that we're willing to work something out so he won't look like a "weenie". Unfortunately, the other two boys in the band have single moms, not that this is always a bad thing, but in their case apparently they don't have any control over their teens anymore. We are holding alot of cards right now with ds (including a pending driver's license and purchase of vehicle, insurance, etc.) so I am not about to let go of the huge influence I have at this point.

I do agree that they need to have the experience of driving these roads but in my own ds' case I want to be in the car the first few times he drives that road!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-1999
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 12:27am

I mostly lurk here nowadays because in 3 months I will no longer be a POT....but as

                        Calmama54, from the beautiful


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 7:32am
why not rent the kids a limo?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 10:39pm

A 45 minute drive is a long way? But it's a dangerous road and you have every reason to be anxious. I assume the driver has driven it before? If not, maybe a practice run? Other than the highway issue, he is in the band and where they go he goes. I would talk to him and let him know you are scared to death that he will careen over the cliff. He will reassure you that all will be fine, after all none of them want to die and won't be drinking (Ihope). Then give him a kiss, tell him to call you when he gets there and when they are leaving to come home. Then you do what I did many times. Try to go to sleep on the couch and say many prayers. He is almost a man but it's hard to let go isn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 6:27am

I fully appreciate your concern, especially when you're not sure that the 19 y/o can be trusted to stay away from "the funny stuff."

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