Your teen and Valentine's Day
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| Tue, 02-14-2006 - 12:08pm |
How's your teen handling Valentine's Day? It seems so wrought with difficulty - hard enough for us adults - a minefield for our teens! My DD14 has a new crush - she thinks he likes her too, but heaven forbid that anyone actually come out and say anything direct! Her friends say he likes her, but is afraid she doesn't like him. She says one day he's flirty, the next aloof. I said is there anyway you can send a message out on the rumor mill that you like him, so he won't wonder? The 10th graders do Valentine's Day roses today, but DD didn't buy any and doesn't think any of her friends did either. K, the new crush, IMd last night and said "I was going to ask you to be my Valentine, but someone else asked me first, and it wouldn't be cool (to then ask DD)". She said "huh?" and he said "if I asked would you have said no?" She said (in a rare burst of straightforwardness) "I would have said yes" and he IM'd a smiley face and "yay". Seems pretty clear to me - no drama - they LIKE each other. Somehow the pressure of this one day has gotten to both of them! DD's approach is to take the day totally cynically (she calls it the day of the Black Heart LOL) and bring candy for her girlfriends.
Ahhhhh the joys of raising (not to mention being) a teen!
Sue

16dd is going out to eat at a local Italian place, actually a nice place, dutch. She also bought him a stuffed couple of bears holding a big red heart - very cute. It's so funny because his hair is long and dyed kind of orange and her's just was dyed bright pink. I suggested they at least dress conservatively, so she called him and he begrudgingly agreed to wear his nice black slacks for her and she is wearing a skirt and sweater. I am the chauffer.
18dd has been teaching her numbskulled bf for over a year now how to be a little more romantic. I think he IS romantic, just not when she wants him to be, ie: holidays. He bought her a dozen roses a couple of weeks ago and while she liked them she was annoyed because she knows the Valentines day will come and go and it's like any other day to him! But for her, the poor dear being raised by a true romantic at heart like me, expects a lot of fanfare for Valentine's Day. She bought him a Build-a-Bear that tells him she loves him in I guess what is her special way of telling him that, with smoochey sounds and all...(I almost ran for the bathroom). LOL. They are SUPPOSED to go to dinner at that same Italian place (yes, there actually is more than one restaurant in this one horse town, but they think this place is the fanciest). Dd thinks he forgot that they are supposed to go to dinner, so she told me she has no expectations - this way if he remembers, she will be surprised. Poor dear.
This is where being at an all girl's school comes in handy! The freshman have senior "big sisters" and the class made "goody bags" for all the seniors. I imagine the seniors will do something for their little sis's. Each girl in dd's class was to make a valentine bag - dd filled hers with a cute pair of one size fits all slippers, some body lotion, lip gloss and, of course, candy. The bags are numbered and each girl pulls a number from a hat and takes the corresponding bag. If you get your own number, you redraw. One of th girls bought a cute, inexpensive pink purse for her "bag" and all the girls are praying they pull her number. Anyway, no angst on the school front.
She hasn't even mentioned her bf and valentine's day. I KNOW they aren't going anywhere tonight (distance and the fact that it's a school night), he will probaly call her but that's probably the extent of it.
I think your dd is VERY wise in avoiding the whole emotional trap that goes with a holiday like this. If she and this boy like each other, they'll find their way toward one another. It's great that she's not using the holiday as an excuse!
Black heart day!!! How funny. I know these kind of holidays hurt people - mothers day and fathers day, especially. Sunday was world marriage day at our church (I'm not sure if this day is acknowledged in the general world). The priest had everyone stand who'd been married 25 years or more, calling them out in increments of five hears. There was a women I know sitting a couple of rows back. This May, her husband of 40 years informed her that he was tired of being married and up and left. I coldn't stop thinking about her and how hard that must have been.
I'm sure there's some obscure holiday like "National Ingrown Toenail Day" ... maybe your dd can pick up a card for him then. Too bad she missed Groundhog Dau....
jt
Sue,
I am busting at the seams proud of my 16 yo ds who bought a box of chocolates yesterday for a friend of his who was feeling bad about not having a valentine. It just makes me sad that no girl has discovered yet what a treasure "he" is. Oh, well. In time I hope he gets a "good one". At least he is not just going with any girl just to have "someone". He seems to have good standards for a girlfriend. I don't know what is going on with my dd because she never tell me a thing about boys she likes.
So much for the shelter of an all-girls school....
When I went to pick dd up, one of the freshmen was standing outside with about a dozen heart shaped balloons, a giant card and a teddy bear. I thought she was handing out the ballons to girls as they got in their cars until dd got in and informed me that her boyfriend had them sent to the school! A bit oer the top, imho, for a 9th grader. One of the other freshmen alsohad flowers delivered as did quite a few of the seniors. I didn't think it was so bad with the seniors -- but 14 year olds?
Dd didn't seem to even think about not getting a "delivery" from her bf - like I said,they seem to be ignoring the (black) heart holiday.
Just thought it was kind of funny given my previous post!
jt
At first, I didn't think DD even remembered it is Valentine's Day until I saw she was wearing the heart socks I bought her and a pink long sleeved shirt under her red uniform polo. An interesting outfit, to say the least.
She does not appear to have a love interest at this time -- in fact, she decided a couple of weeks ago that her crush of 4-5 months wasn't worth crushing on after all. He was just OKAY.
I think she is more worried about Velco-Boy, (pay_it_forward's moniker) the boy that has been crushing on her all year. He was been very generous with gifts at bday and Christmas and after she opened far too many Christmas gifts from him, I suggested that if he shows up at her locker with anything today, she might want to refuse them and tell him as politely and kindly as possible that she didn't have the same feelings for him that she did for her. I think this scenario is more of a concern for her than NOT having a Valentine.
I suggested getting Valentine's cards for her friends, but she wasn't interested even in doing that -- something I thought was rather odd. DS wasn't even remotely interested in getting a Valentine for anybody!