14 yr old daughter had sex in her room in my house!!! ** pls respond I need advice asap **

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
14 yr old daughter had sex in her room in my house!!! ** pls respond I need advice asap **
27
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 2:25am

I was so shocked that she had her boyfriend sneak in her room for the past week and my husband and I didn't even know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Hi and welcome to the board - sorry you had to find it for this reason. The first thing you need to do is get your dd to the doctor for a check up to ensure she's not pregnant and doesn't have an STD. Then if you haven't done it, get her on birth control. Planned Parenthood has low cost options. I'm not suggesting this because I'm going to advise you to then just let your dd go out and start having sex but the fact is very few teens stop having sex once they've started. Doesn't mean you have to make it easy for them. Definitely keep the lock on the window/buy an alarm/etc. if you feel you can't trust your dd. Make sure as much as possible that she doesn't have unsupervised time with this boy because they've both shown poor judgment. After ther grounding is over let him come over to watch a movie with you and your dh present or take them out for dinner or something. Forbidding her to see him completely may force her to sneak around even more. Above all keep talking to her. Make sure she knows that she broke your trust and it will take a long time to earn it back. Talk to her even more about sex and that it's best saved for an adult, committed relationship. And most kids just aren't that adult and/or commited at age 14 - they often change boyfriends/girlfriends about as often as they change their socks. Good luck and keep us posted.

Pam
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Agreed, and also make sure she understands how imperative it is, whenever she'd do this again, that they use a condom to prevent STD. Have the gyn talk to her in gory detail about the ramifications as well so it's not just coming from the parents. Good luck.

Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Dear Snuglebug,

What I don’t know is how close to 15 is your daughter, how old the BF is, how SA he has already been, how long they have been together, how serious they think the relationship is, ETCETERA, ETCETERA, ETCETERA. Fourteen last month is a lot different than 14 eleven months ago, a BF 18 is a lot different than a BF still below 15, if he is new to SA that is different than a guy who has bedded thirty plus girls, two idiots that have been hanging with each other for two or three years is different than two idiots who have been changing SO like socks as Pam posted, and are both serious or just one?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Dear snuglebug,

Adding to what I posted yesterday, take the time and opportunity to have long conversations with your DD.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

Everyone has given good advice, especially Kimmy, but instead of concentrating on the evils of too young, unmindful, unprotected sex, I think that your conversations with your dd should concentrate on HER.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006

I have to be honest. I was 13...2 months from 14 when I lost my virginity. And to this day, I don't regret it. I probably wouldn't have done it so early had I the chance to do it over but I don't regret doing it. I loved the guy I was with (he was 15 and also a virgin at the time) and I still love the guy. No he's not my huband but he and I still talk. I don't love him now

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
mom2gabez wrote:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006

They probably were in places, but at that age no one that I knew of at 13 was doing it. I'm only saying when I was 13 not as many children knew then about sex as what I personally have found in today's 13 year olds. I wasn't saying it wasn't happening, just that

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

Hey snuglebug! Are you still with us? I'd love to hear how things are going with your family now that the dust has had some time to settle.

There's been some great advice here, I didn't say anything because I really don't think I have anything of value to add.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

I think this is a very good suggestion.

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