14 yr old daughter had sex in her room in my house!!! ** pls respond I need advice asap **

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
14 yr old daughter had sex in her room in my house!!! ** pls respond I need advice asap **
27
Wed, 11-30-2011 - 2:25am

I was so shocked that she had her boyfriend sneak in her room for the past week and my husband and I didn't even know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

Where we live, there are free women's clinics that will hand out free BC to just about any teen, and adults who are uninsured but do not qualify for medical assistance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006

Thank you all for your advice it has been very helpful.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997

I'd just like to point something out.

You mentioned you are furious that she broke trust with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Glad that she tested negative for STD's. As for concern on her period - if she's really concerned she can take a home pregnancy test - I think they are pretty accurate these days from the time you get your first period after having sex. Just keep talking to her, let her know that you love her regardless but it's going to take awhile to build back the trust and that it's going to have to be earned back in small steps. Both my boys have broken my trust at various times when they were teens and it always hurts. How is her dad doing - you said at first that he was pretty upset by all this. It is a shock to find out your child is SA because we always look at our kids as our 'babies'. But she's still the same girl she was before.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008

smileyhappy: So happy to see you again! I noticed you have a new post up but thought I'd check here first- I'll go read that one when I'm done here.

YAY on getting those tests and pap, and BIGGER YAY that DD has the "all clear" for now.

I wouldn't be overly concerned about the change in her period if she has recently started "the pill". The hormones have a way of adjusting the cycle to fit the 4 week plan. I thought they were supposed to start it on the week following the last period though, not at the beginning of one. Just be aware that she will not be fully protected against

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Snuglebug99, I am now in my mid 30's with 3 kids of my own. I lost my virginity at 14 to the football star. In hindsight I now know what led me to make a decision I still regret. I was looking for attention. My dad was abusive and left when I was 10. My mom worked three jobs until my junior year. I needed attention. More importantly, I now know I needed strong male support. I constantly remind my husband to have an open loving relationship with our daughter so that she won't look for it in another form. You can't change what happened, but encourage your husband to be there emotionally for her (maybe even more than with you) because he will have the biggest impact on her from how he treats you and her. Take her to PP for pills and show her support for such adult decisions. Don't treat her like a kid because she's not one anymore. Love her up! I know this goes against the grain of wanting to punish her, but guide her into adulthood and such grown up actions. If you support her and she truly knows that she won't be trying to fill a void. But be careful, theres a fine line between support and having a nonchalant attitude. She's a good girl, she'll come around, but only Dad can truly show her the benefit of feeling loved by a man in a healthy way. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Well stated and something for all of us parents to keep in mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2011
I came out of grocery store, caught my 14 year dd, her bf in back seat of my car having sex
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Ouch! Another OMG event for sure! Sounds a little old fashioned to me, like back in the day of my parents or my generation. As I always say, "If they are bent on having sex, teens will find a place and time to do it."
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2011
Yes I walked out to my car, saw them having sex as well as could anybody else did that walked by. My 14 dd is on the bc shot now