Daughter says she's ready to have sex
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Daughter says she's ready to have sex
| Fri, 03-25-2011 - 12:52am |
I have always had very open discussions about sex with my now 17 year old daughter. I've asked her to talk to me when she feels she's ready to have sex for the first time, so we can discuss it and talk about birth control, feelings, etc. well, she informed me tonight that she feels she's ready to have sex with her boyfriend of 6 months. On one hand, I'm glad that she's waited this long and feels that she can talk to me. But on the other hand, I'm not sure that I was really ready to hear that. Of course, I tried not to show my true feelings about it. I told her that, before she does anything, I should make an appointment with a gynecologist to talk about birth control. She will be leaving the state for college this summer and has already told the boyfriend that they would be breaking up because she doesn't want to have a "long distance relationship". Is there anything else I need to discuss with her? I knew this day would come eventually, but I'm still kind of in shock. Any advice?
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Hugs to you!
Hugs - it's never easy to learn that our kids are SA. Hopefully she will wait until she gets on birth control. Back in the day it seemed that it took awhile to get the appointment, get a prescription for the pill, then wait the month or two before the pill 'kicked in'. But today there are so many more options. And as Rose mentioned - condoms to help prevent STD's. I would also be concerned that she wants to have sex more to lose her virginity than because she thinks this is someone that she may have a long term relationship with. You mentioned that the boy may not even be aware of what she's planning. Make sure you talk to her about feelings/emotions/etc. And if she's been with this boy for 6 months hopefully she has some concern for his feelings. Speaking from experience - even boys can regret their first sexual encounter. My youngest ds just turned 21. 2 1/2 years ago he and his high school gf of a year had sex before he went off to college (first time for both). Unfortunately she was still in high school and her parents found out, forcing a break up Christmas of his freshman year in college. I won't bore you with all the sordid details - but to this day he regrets having sex with her because as he says 'sex was the cause of the end of a wonderful relationship and sex went on to be the cause of the beginning of a horrible relationship. Sex is WAY over rated'.
Best of luck and keep us posted.
In the interest of full disclosure, we have two daughters who are married to the guys they started having sex with a few years ago.
This is one of the toughest parts of parenting. You want to be supportive so they will come to you but you want to "grill" them or, more likely, scream "what are you thinking????"
I would suggest gritting your teeth, getting the birth control, and then having a conversation with her about that lovely post on notches on one's heart. Perhaps waiting until after you have fulfilled your promise on helping her with BC will make it seem less like trying to stop her and more like trying to help her.
I do not regret the sexual partners I had before DH but I seem to be in a minority. Women just tend to put their hearts into it more(although guys are vulnerable too; I think the only ones who see it, though, are their moms!)
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So good job. You are doing a fine job as a parent. Doing everything for the benefit of you daughter and not ignoring things or getting on to her for being honest.
Don't really have any advice besides telling you that what you are doing right now is the best thing and will only strengthen your relationship. Good for you. :)