"Mom, we're waiting for marriage"....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2001
"Mom, we're waiting for marriage"....
21
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 10:04am

OK, I was shut up by this line when starting to talk about sex to my 14 yo dd. She has had a boyfriend since this summer. They are same age and go to same school. See each other with other friends, double dates and at each others homes, supervised.

When starting the discussions of possible dangers of and when to start sex..... She shut me up by saying, "Mom, we discussed this and really want to wait for marriage." Now what a goofy smile filed my face. I was shut up. What do I do now?

This didn't cause me to just feel complete confidence, though I was happy to hear this. I still told her that she cannot close door to her room when he's at our house. She is not left alone with him, but I warn her to be where she says she is, or else.

Has anyone ever heard this from there teen? How did you react?

Thanks,

Rainbow

"Life is not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain!"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

When my boys were young teens, sure, they assumed they'd wait til marriage. Of course they weren't allowed to date, double or otherwise, until they were into high school. Any jr. high crushes consisted of talking at school and sitting together on the bus if the girl happened to be on the same bus route. I think that's great that at this point your dd wants to wait til marriage. But I'd be very surprised if 1) she's still with the same boy in 10 years when she's thinking about getting married and 2) she still feels that way in 2 or 5 or 8 years. With so many people not getting married these days until they're out of college and settled in a career it's not uncommon to get married at 23-30, unlike years ago when many kids got married at 17-19 right out of high school. I think, realistically, there are probably not a lot of 20-somethings out there still waiting for the wedding ceremony to lose their virginity. I know there are some and I very much admire their discipline and strong convictions. My older ds didn't even make it out of high school before he had sex with his then-gf. He was a 17 year old senior. Younger ds at least made it out of high school and had sex with his then-hs gf before heading off to college. At the time, of course, with both I was shocked/disappointed/etc. I'd hoped they were going to wait til that 'mature, committed relationship', maybe when they were, say, 30 or so!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

I hope your daughter can stick by her conviction at least until she's out of high school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-1999

At 14 your daughter has no business having a boy in her room, door open or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Dear Rainbow,

Read my comments to “snuglebug 99” in her threads titled “programs for teen girls” and “14 yr old daughter had sex in her room in my house!!! “pls respond I need advice asap”” Your situation has differences.

I think your DDs plan to wait until marriage is best, and I hope she holds strongly to that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I'm sure glad that at age 14 she does have this attitude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Good point - we never let the boys entertain members of the opposite sex in their rooms, either. They never had tvs/video games/etc. in their rooms so - like in your house - there really wasn't any reason to entertain ANY friends there. Heck we didn't even let Justin and his ex sleep in the same room when they were here until they were married. Even when they were living together and she was pregnant! Probably silly but my house, my rules!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

I agree with the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

I was a “head in the sand” mother before I came home from work early that afternoon and found SA occurring.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

<<Teen marriages are really high risk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Good luck w/ the wedding Rose.

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