Talking to Your Teen About Sex

Avatar for cmkristy
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Registered: 07-05-2005
Talking to Your Teen About Sex
16
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:00pm

Hi Everyone,

I came by some interesting statistics about teens and sex that I wanted to share with you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 6:24pm

Based on what I've seen with my own kids (now 19-26 y/o), I believe the statistics in the article.

When did I suspect my teen was SA?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 12:43am

I totally agree w/Rose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 2:15pm

Geez, the post eating monster is chasing me again! Could it be that I'm leaving the page too soon after I hit "post"? I thought I was waiting long enough because it goes back to whatever page...but I don't usually go look to see if my post is there. Oh well...

As I THOUGHT I said last night- Yes, I absolutely believe the numbers but I didn't see HOW they were arrived at. If this was some kind of "in class" self-reporting questionaire among the under 18 group, is it accurate- and in which direction? Self-reporting is pretty fuzzy sometimes.

And yes, with 3 girls I started early with the basics, mostly by being around animals ("What are they doing mommy"?) and growing frogs, and kittens. We also had guppies and betta's for awhile, among other critters. It had also been suggested by our Dr that I get on the menstruation issue earlier than usually called for because I had just turned 9 when I started and was told that could run in families. Got lucky on that score though, only one of them started before 14, (at 10 3/4).

Yes I bought condoms for the "drawer" when the oldest started dating singularly, but started getting SUPPLIES from the Health Dept and DSHS when she told me they were disappearing because her SA friends had no access to BC. She was getting annoyed that I kept suggesting a Dr visit for consistent BC so she finally explained that it wasen't her. And no it wasen't, she was about 17 I think when she actually needed it for herself. Middle girl claimed she wouldn't use it anyway because she WANTED to get pregnant- by the grace of God that didn't happen, was she secretly on BC and just saying that to get a rise out of me? Who knows. Youngest came to me after she had been with the same boy for about 8 months, she wasen't quite 15, but she's 16 now and those 2 are still together...sort of. Long distance for a bus ride but they see only each other still.

NO, I don't CONDONE sexual activity so young, but I'm also realistic and want ALL the kids to be SAFE. There is very high rates if STD's in our general area including HIV among youth. I would never forgive myself for witholding information or barrier methods if any of my kids, their friends/classmates got something that can't be fixed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 12:42pm

Mine are late bloomers. My oldest didn't date until 19 and had sex fairly shortly thereafter. As the statistics have said, the majority are going to be sexually active by then and not too many go backwards; once he started dating, sex was bound to follow quickly.

I do not know when my middle one started but I suspect meaningful sex was after his senior year. He was popular enough I have to wonder if there weren't some party hijinks in high school but I don't know. My communication with him would be the weakest in that he would be too busy acting macho to talk straight and actually share.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 1:23pm

<<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 7:19pm

If you want to delay sex, delay dating(you have a better chance of controlling THAT). If your child is ready to date young......just realize they will be ready for sex young and act accordingly.

Absolutely! Our DD started having sex quite young (15 1/2) and she also started dating young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 7:53pm

Well obviously I didn't do a very good job with this aspect of parenting and wasn't handing out birth control - my younger ds was a father at 19. Of course we talked to them about how babies were made from the time they asked when they were around 8. But we always put the 'when you fall in love and get married' slant. Even as they got older we always told them that sex was for when they were in an adult, committed relationship. I guess I figured since that's what I'd done they would listen to what I said!

Older ds didn't even make it out of h.s. before he had sex - it was March of his senior year with the girl he was dating that I vented about here. She was a 16 year old sophomore, little to no parental involvement/rules. The relationship was very physical from the beginning. I'd have band parents calling me and telling me about all the pda on band trips. We did our best to keep an eye on things, talking to him, etc. but by that time he was almost 18, driving, and was in the midst of his 'rebellion' phase. Everyhing from drinking to smoking to sex - where there's a will there's a way... Of course, as often happens - he broke up with her within a month of them having sex. Younger ds lost his virginity at 18 before he went off to school with the girl he'd been dating for a year. Unfortunately she was only going into her sophomore year of high school (they dated his senior/her freshman year in h.s.) When her folks found out over Christmas break of his freshman year in college they forced a break up. He went back to school and promptly fell into a rebound relationship, she got pregnant and you all know the rest. He says to this day that he never loved D like he loved S and that if he had to do it over again he never would have had sex with S since it ruined everything. If I had to do it over again I'd probably emphasis birth control more. I still think I'd stress the whole commitment thing - maybe I'm just idealistic - but I'd probably be more realistic.

Pam
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 9:05pm

You didn't do a "bad" job of parenting, Pam, you were just a little...unrealistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 1:04am

"I think what parents need to recognize is that the earlier they date, the earlier they will have sex. I've seen parents push dating at 12 or 13. What do they think is going to happen in a year? I mean do they seriously expect those kids to marry at 22 after 10 years of controlled kissing?

If you want to delay sex, delay dating(you have a better chance of controlling THAT). If your child is ready to date young......just realize they will be ready for sex young and act accordingly.

Communication is nice but hormones and opportunity win!"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 7:14am

If the parents of your sons gf's had put half these roadblocks in front of their dds,

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