Talking to Your Teen About Sex

Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Talking to Your Teen About Sex
16
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:00pm

Hi Everyone,

I came by some interesting statistics about teens and sex that I wanted to share with you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2011
Thu, 10-20-2011 - 8:30pm

This article gives very important tips about parenting teenagers who are sexually acting out. Because it's often hard for parents to see their children as sexual beings, which makes it even harder for them to help their teens sort out issues related to this. Parents learn while their children are young to let them make their own little mistakes. As children grow up, it's inevitable that the mistakes also get bigger. When teens sexually act out, it's one of the things parents often know right away how to handle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-1999
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 12:40am
We kept our boys busy, they were allowed to date after 15 but neither found a girl they liked enough to date, volleyball was much more important, which wasnt a bad thing. In hindsight, the lack of dating maybe set up my youngest to fall really hard for the girl he is dating. To throw away his morals and to be ruled by his hormones. I am hoping he comes around soon and that he doesnt put his future in jeopardy. We have talked to them about the importance of finishing their degrees in order to have a good life with enough money to support a family. Im not sure they heard what we were saying. I dunno, maybe the fact that they had no sisters set them up for not seeing the truth. We worked really hard at talking and teaching and we did start super early so that they would be comfortable talking to us if they needed help. We taught them about STDs as did the school as does the University they are at. We talked about pregnancy that is unplanned. Both are young adults, they are coming to a decision about sex and all it entails....if they havent already done it. As a parent, Ive done my best, we've talked about birth control, they have access to condoms.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 11:59am

Whenever someone says I know that if I told either of my girls they couldn't have a bf it wouldn't stop them, it would've only forced them to sneak around behind my back and not tell me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 12:15pm

My boys had 'girlfriends' in jr. high, too. But those only consisted of seeing each other at school, sitting on the bus, etc. We didn't allow them to go anywhere alone with a girl and if they went somewhere with a group of kids there was always a parent near by at that age (sitting in the back of the theater, hanging at the coffee shop at the mall, etc. Unless they had a large group of kids over, they weren't allowed to have their 'girlfriend' over. I felt fortunate that neither had their first serious gf until their senior years. LOL hopefully your 12 year old will stick to that hand holding for at least another 4 or 5 years!!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2011
Sat, 02-05-2011 - 6:48am

Hi! I'm Kathy and I'm new here but I think I agree that the younger they start dating, the younger they begin having sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 9:35pm

John Boener (probably spelled wrong), Speaker of the US House of Representatives took seven years to get his BS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 7:14am

If the parents of your sons gf's had put half these roadblocks in front of their dds,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Thu, 02-03-2011 - 1:04am

"I think what parents need to recognize is that the earlier they date, the earlier they will have sex. I've seen parents push dating at 12 or 13. What do they think is going to happen in a year? I mean do they seriously expect those kids to marry at 22 after 10 years of controlled kissing?

If you want to delay sex, delay dating(you have a better chance of controlling THAT). If your child is ready to date young......just realize they will be ready for sex young and act accordingly.

Communication is nice but hormones and opportunity win!"

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 9:05pm

You didn't do a "bad" job of parenting, Pam, you were just a little...unrealistic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 7:53pm

Well obviously I didn't do a very good job with this aspect of parenting and wasn't handing out birth control - my younger ds was a father at 19. Of course we talked to them about how babies were made from the time they asked when they were around 8. But we always put the 'when you fall in love and get married' slant. Even as they got older we always told them that sex was for when they were in an adult, committed relationship. I guess I figured since that's what I'd done they would listen to what I said!

Older ds didn't even make it out of h.s. before he had sex - it was March of his senior year with the girl he was dating that I vented about here. She was a 16 year old sophomore, little to no parental involvement/rules. The relationship was very physical from the beginning. I'd have band parents calling me and telling me about all the pda on band trips. We did our best to keep an eye on things, talking to him, etc. but by that time he was almost 18, driving, and was in the midst of his 'rebellion' phase. Everyhing from drinking to smoking to sex - where there's a will there's a way... Of course, as often happens - he broke up with her within a month of them having sex. Younger ds lost his virginity at 18 before he went off to school with the girl he'd been dating for a year. Unfortunately she was only going into her sophomore year of high school (they dated his senior/her freshman year in h.s.) When her folks found out over Christmas break of his freshman year in college they forced a break up. He went back to school and promptly fell into a rebound relationship, she got pregnant and you all know the rest. He says to this day that he never loved D like he loved S and that if he had to do it over again he never would have had sex with S since it ruined everything. If I had to do it over again I'd probably emphasis birth control more. I still think I'd stress the whole commitment thing - maybe I'm just idealistic - but I'd probably be more realistic.

Pam

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