Angry daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Angry daughter
6
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 9:33am
I am the mother of a 17 year old daughter. Over the past year she has become someone I don't even recognize anymore. She lies and is SA (we have her on the pill) and has been sexting and sending nude pictures of herself to her boyfriend. We have also recently discovered that she has been smoking pot ad we took her to a counselor about it. All she seems to do anymore is scream and yell at us, cussing up a storm, and even told my husband (who adopted her when she was 7) that she wished he wasn't her dad. She has threatened to push me down the stairs, push me into traffic, has scratched me face when we got I to a tussle over her phone, you name it. She claims that we beat her...which I admit I have lost my cool and slapped her for using the F word with me, but I have never beat the child. I have tried counseling for her anger...nothing. She is finally not smoking pot (random drug testing). She has been in trouble with the law over the pot when my husband discovered she had it in our house and he called the police. We hadto go to court with her. She has also had several traffic tickets (we have taken away her car for the time being) and her grades have gone from a 3.7 to a 1.3. She actually hopes to get into college with those grades! She will be graduating in June and is hoping to get into theArmy National Guard if her waiver is approved (because if the court issues). She constantly tells us how much she hates us and doesn't want us in her life. It breaks my heart. Other than my 2 stepdaughters, she is my only child. I still love her as my daughter, but as a person she is not very likable. I don't know what to do. Do I let her walk out of my life when she turns 18 in September and just pray she comes back to me someday?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 04-01-2012 - 8:25pm
Something has sent this girl down the wrong path in a big way, and if I were you, I would hope and pray that the recruiter manages to get her waiver approved. It could very well be the best thing that happened to her. Drill sgts have a way of enforcing discipline, self-respect, personal responsibility and respect for authority in a way that parents never seem to be able to. They will also teach her to shut up and listen and do what she is told without argument. Besides that, after 9 weeks of basic training and a few months more of AIT, she will learn a whole new appreciating for family. Hopefully the guard isn't being affected by the department of defense downsizing. Back in 03-07 they were writing waivers for a LOT of things that they aren't writing waivers for now. One of my sons is currently active duty army, a second is currently in the national guard after spending 4 1/2 years with the 101st Airborne at Ft Campbell KY, and the third did four years with the USMC. Basic training grows them up a lot, something that it sounds like your daughter needs. If she goes to basic training, home and mom and dad will look pretty darned good after a week or two, I doubt that she will stay away for long after that experience, she'll be back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2012
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 3:50pm

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I've seen this a lot with teens who are experiencing depression. Has she ever been diagnosed?

~Amy Kelly~ Parent eSource Founder parentesource.com
Avatar for cmlisab
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 12:23pm

First off, welcome! I'm glad you found us but sorry that it's because of such difficult circumstances. :smileysad:

I agree with bunnierose in that I think getting into the National Guard would do wonders for her. When will you found if the waiver is approved? Is she still seeing the counselor you brought her to for the pot issue?

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Thu, 04-05-2012 - 6:59pm
Thank you for all the responses. She is going to continue counseling. The first part of her waiver has been approved and now we have a week or two for the last part, then she has to be medically cleared and then we will be good to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2012
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 12:32pm

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I agree that joining the military could be a good thing for your relationship going forward. She will get to know a lot of people from broken homes, and perhaps she will learn to appreciate the family that she has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 9:04pm
Jtm50, I don't think this girl needs to enlist in the military to meet "a lot of people from broken homes" - considering the hundreds of military parents I have known over the years, I would have to say the homes that our service members come from are no more "broken" than those of any other group of people. Service members learn to appreciate their own families so much because they are forced to spend so much time away from them and no other reason. Stereotypes are seldom attractive or even true, and the stereotypical "soldier from a dysfunctional broken home" falls pretty squarely into that category - no more true than in the general population.