Could use some help

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2011
Could use some help
18
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 2:14pm

Hello,

I have an 18 year old daughter that I'm very worried about and I could really use some advice.

My daughter has been in and out of trouble for most of her teen years.

Pages

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:27pm
Is she in college? What is she doing after high school to 'pay her way' to stay at home? Does she have a job so that she can contribute to the house expenses? I'd say maybe it's time to sit down (maybe with your dh first so you two can be on the same page) and write a contract with her of what she's required to do in order to keep the privilege of staying in your home, now that she's an adult. It would list chores, behavior, curfews, etc. that you'd require, as well as consequences if she doesn't comply. Details are up to you but I'd definitely start there - then get her involved and make sure she has ownership of it as well. Good luck.

Sue
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 3:50pm

Part of what is going on is her disorder, but another part is, she's 18!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 7:34pm

I think you've gotten some good advice from sabrtooth, I don't have much to add, other than it's incredibly difficult to make that choice to send them on their way when you know they don't have the tools to do it successfully.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 12:17am

I too, think everything sabrtooth said is right on. My exception is that I will NOT let my 21yo DD back into my home to live. She will have to live with her choices- but if it ever comes to it my oldest DD will take her almost 2yo with me as backup.

How is your other DD? Is she younger and still at home also? I know that when our household was in the midst of DD#2's stuff, the younger often suffered for it, the oldest was already on her own when it really blew up so wasen't nearly as affected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 10:47am

Well, the boys never drained their bank accounts or ran away but other than that.........I believe much of this is not unheard of for teens in their late high school years.

Teens do drink and at least 'try' drugs. It is very easy access out there these days-probably easier than when your grown kids were this age. Here(college town)smoking pot and drinking are quite common.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 2:18pm

I agree with picking one's battles.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 01-29-2011 - 8:01pm

I think at 18 you have to find that combination between relaxing the rules and expecting that they are going to test you a little bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 9:25am

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 11:12am

As far as kids living on their "own",

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 4:50pm

I agree that the reality of having adult freedom isn't always what it was cracked up to be.

Pages