Daughter with eating disorder

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Daughter with eating disorder
19
Sat, 09-03-2011 - 12:49am

Hi I am having a hard time dealing with my daughters eating issues - It is hard not to say the wrong thing at times and the worst part is I hav been trying to find a counsiler to go to for months now but there are non close to us. Any thoughts or web site advice on how to get help?

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Sat, 09-03-2011 - 8:30am
Which way, too much or not enough?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 09-03-2011 - 10:23am

Hi and welcome to the board. I don't have a lot of time right now so I'll post more later. But my ds suffered from an eating disorder for several years - probably showed signs of it in high school but wasn't actually diagnosed til he was 19. True eating disorders are a form of emotional illness and there's nothing you can say to make her 'snap out of it'. She needs professional help, no matter how far away it is. Depending on the severity she may need to be in a residential facility or a partial hospitalization facility. Her regular doc may be able to give you some recommendations. I'll check back here later when I get a chance.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sat, 09-03-2011 - 5:41pm

If she's anorexic or bulimic, take her to her regular doc as soon as possible. She will need to have blood drawn and a complete physical exam.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Sun, 09-04-2011 - 2:19pm

She is skipping meals and watching her weight setting wieght loss goals and counts calories with everything she eats, Been to her reg doc, looked all over for referalls her weight is normal for her hieght and body mass for now . She is 15.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Sun, 09-04-2011 - 2:28pm

She is skipping meals, counting calories, setting wight goals, has tried using her nails to make deep scratches in her legs and arms. She constantly compairs her self to others. She is 15 and right now at a good weight for her hieght and body mass.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Sun, 09-04-2011 - 2:57pm

I understand that there is nothing I can say to "make her snap out of it"

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Sun, 09-04-2011 - 3:04pm

I have already taken her to the doc no real referalls close by that have experiance or background in eating disorders. My husband I both work full time plus. Right now she is in normal wieght range but she is setting wieght loss goals.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sun, 09-04-2011 - 3:29pm

I'm sorry you're going through this. The good news is that you do have some time if she's in the normal weight range. When my ds got to his lowest with anorexia he was a 19 year old male, 5'8" and weighed 104 pounds - probably 35+ pounds underweight. Blood work indicated his liver and kidneys were starting to fail. The week before he was due to start his 2nd year away at college we made the tough decision to put him in a partial hospitalization program. It was a very hard choice but the people at the ED center said that there was a good chance if he continued on as he was (obsessively exercising, restricting more and more) he'd collapse one day and very likely not get back up. Were you able to talk to her doc privately and express your concerns about her obsession with weight loss and calories? Is he/she able to make a referal to a larger practice/hospital where you could at least get a phone consult? If she does have the mental/emotional tendency toward an eating disorder she won't be able to stop at losing 5 pounds or whatever her goal is. No matter how thin she gets she'll look at herself in the mirror and see fat. Some other behaviors/attributes those with eating disorders, specifically anorexia have are being a perfectionist, being very hard on themselves, often very rigid in their routines, love to talk about food, cook for others, etc. (just won't eat it). For ED patients it's all about control. When they feel that everything else is out of control they can control their eating, whether it's restricting or binging and throwing it up. Have you talked with your insurance company? Jason was in the PHP twice and our insurance covered everything after the deductible. It's not like eating disorders are elective surgery or something. If your regular doc isn't concerned or being helpful I'd get on the internet and research some nearby bigger towns and see if you can arrange a phone consult with an ED specialist. One web site I found hugely helpful during the darkest times was www.somethingfishy.org. There's a whole forum for parents of young people with ED's as well as a ton of useful information on the site. Take care and please keep us posted.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sun, 09-04-2011 - 11:16pm

WOW,

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 8:14am
My ds19 was somewhat like that a year or so ago, and then when he went to college last year he went the opposite direction from the 'freshman 15' and lost more weight. He's about 6'3" and was 150 dripping wet after a meal. He just said food wasn't a priority and I knew he hated seeing so many overweight people around. The best thing that happened to him is having a gf - he's now very serious about her and she's concerned about his weight (up to about 158) and has gotten him some chocolate flavored whey powder and nags him about eating. (she herself is teeny; about 5'6" and 113 pounds, but she was a preemie and will always be small) Me saying anything and even his PCP telling him he wanted him at least 160 didn't do any good but the gf is keeping him concentrating on eating more, so I'm hopeful this year away at school will at least be maintaining but not losing more. I feel your concern. (and fwiw in looking at ideal weight calculators online, someone 6'3" can actually be within 'normal weight' range at 140 pounds at the lower end - I can't imagine what he'd look like at that weight)

Hugs.

Sue

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