Do you allow a 20 year old to be homeless?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2012
Do you allow a 20 year old to be homeless?
3
Wed, 11-28-2012 - 12:25am

My son, since high school has lacked motivation in anything.  He barely graduated high school.  He has refused to get a job.  We were on the verge of kicking him out, but instead "forced" him to go to community college and tried to help him get a job.  He dropped all of his classed (of course after the refund date--so we were out the tuition).  He has lied about getting/keeping a job.  He is now turning 20, and has not progressed at all in bettering his life. I think he has worked a total of 2 months his whole life (which was a job he got because I filled out an online application for him).  Would you kick him out, even if it meant he may be homeless?  He is causing a great deal of stress on the rest of the family...drugs are suspected, but not confirmed....and I just don't see it get any better. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Wed, 06-05-2013 - 6:22pm

I guess some posts don't get replied to and am surprised to see this originated last year...hmmmm.

Anyhooo - not sure if you'll see this, but IMO, kicking your son out may be your only option. If there are substance abuse or mental illness issues there, then you may want to see if you can get him help in those areas, however after you've extended that hand, I would leave it up to the powers that be. It could be that having something to fall back on (his parents) has caused him to fall short.

I have repeatedly told my teen that after he's 18, I am no long responsible for him and he need to not call me if his lights get cut off. There are times where things do happen in life, and depending on the circumstance, I would possibly help if/when I could...BUT it wouldn't be in this case. I think often people are "adult" as what they have to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Wed, 06-05-2013 - 6:22pm

I guess some posts don't get replied to and am surprised to see this originated last year...hmmmm.

Anyhooo - not sure if you'll see this, but IMO, kicking your son out may be your only option. If there are substance abuse or mental illness issues there, then you may want to see if you can get him help in those areas, however after you've extended that hand, I would leave it up to the powers that be. It could be that having something to fall back on (his parents) has caused him to fall short.

I have repeatedly told my teen that after he's 18, I am no long responsible for him and he need to not call me if his lights get cut off. There are times where things do happen in life, and depending on the circumstance, I would possibly help if/when I could...BUT it wouldn't be in this case. I think often people are "adult" as what they have to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2012
Fri, 07-26-2013 - 12:02pm

Yes sometimes you might be left with no choice but to do just that, in some way it will be a wake up call for him to know that you mean business and you are serious about what you are talking about.

you could start by giving him two week as a count down to see if he is improving or working on something positive to his situation and then just keep on reminding him that the clock is ticking, something might change and you might see a difference that you could work with.

You can also check out my book its a simple go to guide for teens or young adults on how to deal with the real life issues they are faced with. http://www.amazon.com/18-Just-Number-Lilian-Campbell/dp/1630049247/ which can be handy for them and will help you communicate if she does not communicate. Hope that helps Good Luck!

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