Have I failed as a mother??!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011
Have I failed as a mother??!!!
39
Thu, 04-14-2011 - 10:57pm

I am a single mom to three teenage sons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011
Fri, 04-22-2011 - 4:54pm

Thank you...I do have guilt being a single mom but it was their dad's choice to leave BUT I think they blame me for some reason...I have a 4yr business degree but have a job working retail as an associate ( and I am thankful to have it ) but they tell me all the time "Why don't you get a better job"....easier said than done...I ask them to help out around the house and you would think that I had slapped them..sometimes they will do it for a few days and then NOTHING!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2011
Fri, 04-22-2011 - 4:56pm

Thank you!!!!

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Sat, 04-23-2011 - 12:05am

<<

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 6:48pm

Saw your reply and you are so sensible. How do I start a new topic? My 16 year old daughter just told me she was gay. She gave lots of reasons that she "knows". I need someone to talk to about this. I'm not sure about the whole "coming out" She has taken stances before on different aspects of "who I am" and they have faded away. Almost like playing dress-up. I told her I love her and always will and what I want for her is to have a good heart, some happiness and peace in her life. I told her I have her back, I'm proud of who she is and her aspirations. I can't talk to her Dad. He is solidly anti "Queer". I would not have chosen this for her but if it's actual then it is. She has had a hard year in school this year and is a drama major. Actually she is facing some acedemic and personal responsibility issues that distress me at this time worse than her sexual orientation . She seems to be lost identity wise and I realize that is a normal developmental issue at this age. I'm lost! help.......

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 8:14pm

Kids either are or are not gay--and they know what they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Mon, 04-25-2011 - 9:15pm

To start a new topic go here: http://forums.ivillage.com/ivillage/?category.id=iv-psteens. Click on 'Start a Discussion' in the top category (that gets the most views) and post what you posted here. She may be gay but at this point helping her with her academic and other issues is probably the most important thing while you still have a bit of control. Once they turn 18 those 'privacy' laws lock into place and it's much harder to help.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 12:15pm

Yes on one point at least you are right. She is afraid of loosing her Dad's love. We live in a small town and she goes to a pretty good school as far as public schools go. She has had many opportunities and she is usually pretty level headed. I semi-regularly monitor her activities on the internet and by happenstance one evening she left her chat active and I saw (this was early in the fall of this school year) a conversation she had with 2 of her "BROS"( Male friends).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Tue, 04-26-2011 - 12:17pm
Didn't work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 1:09pm
I live in Texas, and have never heard the term "banana republic" in reference to our state. Do you mind explaining?

As to not many stories are sadder, my family is very wealthy, and I have some really sad stories. Siblings who have had their homes, vehicles, utilities, drugs (although my parents won't admit that.) paid for their entire lives (the oldest is 54, I think). One's dead from a drug/alcohol accidental house fire, one serving 26 years for drugs at the moment, one about to go back to jail/prison and no longer has custody of her two children. The other two of us... we're outcasts of the family, and I won't ever speak to my parents again unless it's absolutely necessary.

Giving too much to one's kids is a lifelong, often devastating, mistake.




 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Wed, 04-27-2011 - 1:15pm
I'm convinced that the "brain not fully matured until 25" is science.

And I'm a little surprised that someone who used to quote that a bit, now seems to be posting that they don't really believe it (not you).. But I do.