How do you explain to your daughter that you just don't care for some of her friends??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2001
How do you explain to your daughter that you just don't care for some of her friends??
6
Thu, 09-15-2011 - 12:52pm

My dd has a pretty diverse group of friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

I understand your pain - my older ds, who'd always hung with the other bando/nerd types went through a rebellious phase his senior year and hung out with the 'stoners'. I hated it; we tried reasoning, lecturing, grounding, etc. but frankly I think that made them all the more appealing. Looking back I wonder if we wouldn't have made such a big deal of it his phase wouldn't have ended much sooner. He did stay involved with all his extra-curriculars, kept his grades up, etc. I think you should calmly and rationally express your opinion to your dd and let her know if she is caught doing of these illegal activities there will be serious consequences. And you can certainly do things like banning sleepovers or not allowing them at the homes of kids where you don't think there is proper supervision. If her grades start slipping or she starts dropping extra-curricular/volunteer activities to spend more time with these kids then you may have to step in. But other than that I'd just keep an eye on things. She's likely going to be judged no matter what 'clique' she's in - that's just high school. And the popular kids can be some of the most judgmental of all so I certainly wouldn't be too anxious to have her attached to that group, either. Hang in there and keep us posted!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I would definitely state my disapproval of hanging around w/ kids who smoke pot & drink and try to prevent her from doing that as much as possible--you have excellent reasons for that and you are basing it on someone's actions not who they are or what they look like.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

The popular kids tend to be the sports kids, into the traveling teams, etc, and so they are kids whose parents have a lot of money to spare.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

If you flat out tell her you don't like her friends, she will channel a lot of her energy into defending them, rather than in listening to you. So the number one rule for dealing with nasty friends, bad boyfriends, unsuitable fiances, etc., is to show, rather than tell. Take the stress off of your daughter by allowing her to see that they're not good for her. Invite them over often. Seriously. You can observe them under your roof, so that no bad stuff takes place, and she'll get the chance to decide for herself that they're just not who she wants to be.

And I agree with the others: don't let her go to their houses, because they clearly don't have the right supervision. So just keep telling her to have them over to your place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

This is exactly how I felt about our SILs when I first met them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2001
Thanks Kimmy! Yes, one of the biggest things I'm getting through to her is that right or wrong, she WILL be judged by who she hangs out with and being a JR in HS, I feel, she really needs to start positioning herself for a great future. Its so hard to truly express without sounding like a "good ol' boy" (or gal). She's a great gal. We're very proud of her. Just a bump in the road I'm sure. Thanks!!!