I really need help - 15 year old daughter

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
I really need help - 15 year old daughter
18
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 2:49pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-23-2011 - 9:09pm

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Are you home with her during the day to somehow make her get up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Thu, 03-24-2011 - 3:40am

I am in and out during the day as I run a home based business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-25-2011 - 4:35pm

I wish I could come up with something you have not tried. Perhaps ignoring her and not inviting her to the table. Not stocking easy foods for her to fix for herself-obviously she is eating something at home or getting money to purchase outside of the home. I understand that you feel better with her at home than on the streets-the question is how long can you do that? A year? Three years? I would try the ignoring part for 6 months and then regroup.

No truancy laws in Canada? Seems like a 15 year old would have to attend or have 'someone' come get them out of bed.

Take care of yourself-get counseling for yourself. You have a lot to deal with alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 11:03am

There are truancy laws in Canada, there just isn't much weight to them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sat, 03-26-2011 - 9:13pm

This is truly a heart breaking situation. I wish I had solutions, but I do not.

All I can do is keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Hang in there, things may get better over time. I do know of those who come out stronger at the other end.

Love,

Kimmy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Mon, 03-28-2011 - 11:26am

Thanks for your prayers Kimmy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 7:34pm

I was your daughter about 8 years ago,right after my mom died. Minus the police encounters.Well once my dad called the police on me because I tried breaking down the front door, only because he locked me out and I wasn't wearing any shoes.And he did call the cops once when I ran away,but somehow a cousin found me.Still to this day I have no idea how!

Anyways obviously your daughter feels invincible and doesn't undestand how the mistakes she makes now can/will catch up with her when she is older.For me I snapped out of it with I was in grade 12 and realised I had to go back for a fifth year, while all my friends were going onto university.Then even in my fifth year I skipped most of my classes.My grades were somewhat decent, but they deffinitly weren't high enough to even get me into most basic college courses.So once I actually graduated, I realised omg I can't do anything with my life because when I was younger I thought nothing would catch up with me and I could do anything I wanted because I had my whole life to figure things out.Well I was so wrong.Now Iam 23 and studying online geography/travel, trying to get a real career in place so I can get out of dead end retail jobs.

I wish I had made better choices when I was young like your daughter, now I have to worry whether or not I can retire in my 50's or whether I'll be working until the day I die.And Iam only 23.I know Iam still young enough to get my life in order and so is your daughter however if I had made better choices when I was your daughters age being in my early 20's would have been alot easier.Instead of going to college or university, making enough money to live on my own, I am forced to study online and live with my dad,since my grades aren't good enough to go to university and I can't work/go to class full time.

I think your daughter may need a mentor of some sort,someone she can relate to that has done the same things she is doing,and how it affected their life,like a wake up call,someone that has been there done that,then she can see first hand how her choices now will certainly affect her when shes in her 20's and deffinitly later on in her life.But I'd go with someone closer to her age not someone in their 40's or anything that made bad choices because then it would probably feel more like a lecture and the age gap wouldn't be that relatable for her.

If I didn't find a good online college I would be working a dead end job until im in my 50's with no savings and living pay check to pay check.Which is no life for anyone.Luckily I grew up and magically discovered life doesn't just fall in your lap,and you have to make your own life and figure it out for yourself,and I learned Iam not invincible and no one is and that every negative choice you make when your yong does affect your life at some point.But when your 15 you don't think like that.

At 15 you think you can do what you want, that your choices won't affect you later on,that your invincible,that your parents just don't understand you, and that you won't end up in the gutter with 5 kids at age 20,but if you don't snap out of it at some point you will.Your daughter just hasn't realised that yet.Hopefully she will before it's too late.Maybe one day like me she'll wake up and realise her mistakes and that if she wants to aviod a hard, embarssing life she needs to take charge.It's actually alot more rewarding and easy to do the right thing in life,it feels good knowing Iam on my way to an actual career,it feels better than skipping class,getting in trouble all the time and just not obeying any rules. Good luck. Just thoguht I'd share my thoughts since at one point I was your daughter.

P.S: I live in ontario and atleast in my city, kitchener, when I was in higschool if you were under age 18 and skipped the school would call home and tell your parents,and there was also a cop at the school that would drag you to class if they found you skipping.Iam surprised truancy laws here in Canada aren't stricter,although no laws in Canada are truley strict or really enforced.I caught two 9 yr old shoplifters about a month ago, and apparently because they are under 12 absolutely nothing is done,even a talking to by mall security.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Tue, 03-29-2011 - 9:56pm

Dear pink1988,

Thank you so much for your reply / story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Wed, 03-30-2011 - 11:07am

Well in kitchener we have a program called Lutherwood,it helps young troubled teens.I know this because I dealt with them when I was 16.My dad called them and they sent out a counsellor to the house,honestly,it did nothing.Why? The person they

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-19-2011 - 9:20pm

There is government sponsered councelling available in Ontario. not sure what part of Canada your from. I'm having a bit of a problem with my 14 yr old, not to the extreme your having, so I really can't relate. Probably J runs away as a way of controlling you and it works you don't punish her any more. You didn't say where she goes. Is she going to a friends house? My Dd used different methods to try to control me it worked for a while until i recognized it. Have you spoken to the police about programs available to help. In my small community we have programs in place for young offenders. I search abit on line for you what i found is in ontario http://www.children.gov.on.ca/htdocs/English/topics/specialneeds/index.aspx

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