Mom of 15yr old MOUTH needing advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Mom of 15yr old MOUTH needing advice
11
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 12:27pm

Hi.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 12:38pm
sorry,
This morning I made a breakfast casserole. He informed my straight up it had too much cheese. Then he repeated himself 3 more times until he was certain EVERYONE at the table was aware there was too much cheese in the breakfast casserole. (I had actually used less cheese than the recipe calls for due to knowing this would be his reaction.) I finally said "Yes, we all heard you the first time. It has too much cheese." The entire time however, he proceeded to consume 3 portions of it.

Then, we opened our gifts. Not once did he ever thank us for anything. He requested a Longboard. Not just any long board but one that is custom made, ordered from NY board that costs almost twice what one around here costs. He opened it and immediately began talking about having his friend "cut it down" because it is too long on the tail. I said "No. If it's too long, we will take it to the skate shop and have them do it right. It cost too much to allow his friend to do anything to it." The bottom fell out of Christmas right then and there. He was screaming at how that's not fair, it's HIS board blah blah blah. I finally took it back and told him it was no longer his board since he was acting so dissrespectful.

I NEVER told him it couldn't be cut down, the board cost too much to be cut down by a 14 yr old kid in the backyard.

Anyway, this is typical of situations that happen in our house. The talking back and withdrawn attitude is constant. He is not always a bad kid. He can be sweet at times. It's just as soon as the situation comes up that he doesn't like it seems he never respects our decisions. Be it a bedtime, a chore, a gift, or even a thank you, if he thinks it doesn't "make sense" we have a fight on our hands.

Where do we start breaking that "me" attitude?? His dad is ready to break his neck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 12:57pm
Welcome! To a certain extent this kind of behavior isn't unusual for this age, but this focus on making sense and fairness seems unusually back and white. Maybe a little OCD? Aspergers possibly? I only know two or three people who are this focused on fairness and making sense and they all were diagnosed with either Aspergers or mild autism. Has he been like this all his life, or most of it? A full medical and psych work up might be in order and give you direction in dealing with it. Hopefully your christmas has gotten better since this morning.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 2:06pm

Thanks for the reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 12-25-2011 - 6:10pm

Something does sound a little off here.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 1:23am

I also agree something is amiss, if you still have to remind a 15yo to brush his teeth, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 10:27am

You make some good points Sabr... though I think that OP has gotten herself into a mess by making everything negotiable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 1:42pm

I'm parking my ditto with those who suspect Asperger's or another ASD. Sometimes, high functioning kids aren't diagnosed until adolescence, because they cope really well all through elementary school. But the food pickiness and the strong (and not entirely logical) sense of fairness are clues to this being about more than just adolescent behavior.

If your son is very literal, splits hairs over things that don't matter ("no, you picked me up at 8:03 when I asked to be picked up at 8"),and doesn't pick up social rules just by observing them, you might want to find a specialist who could really take a good look at him.

In our case, we found we didn't need special accommodations at school, but it has helped

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 7:50pm

Thanks for the

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 8:04pm

Hi, thanks for the reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 8:57pm

OH!!!! WOW!!!! There are so many good postings above that I can’t think of much to add, except some application points.

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