My 16 year old son has gone to live with his father....won't speak to me now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2011
My 16 year old son has gone to live with his father....won't speak to me now?
8
Thu, 06-16-2011 - 8:20pm

My 16 year old son has gone to live with his father since he started to swear at me and disrespect me after I grounded him from coming home 2.5 hours late at 12:30 a.m. instead of 10 one evening. For a while now he would always complain about what I cooked, argue about the littlest thing, always on a downer when it came to Mom who has done everything for him. I found myself constantly yelling and finally had enough when my blood pressure registered 190. I sat him down calmly and told him about my health and I gave him the choice that he show respect and follow our rules or he could go live with his father. I was in shock, when without blinking an eye... he chose the later, since he has been in my custody since he was 7 months old and has never been keen on spending time with his father. He has been gone for 2 and a half

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I'm one of the few divorced parents on here--I have a 15 (almost 16) yr old son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Were I you, I'd ignore the jabs and still call and/or text your DS regularly (and one or the other once per day). No matter how much a PITA he is, he still needs to know that mom loves him.

About the calls from the school, explain to them that he lives with dad and that they should be contacting him. As the non-custodial parent, there's not much you can do about his absences. They need to be contacting the parent who is in a position to do something about it (willing or not).
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
She may want to check with that actually on the school. If they haven't changed custody by court order, legally, the school is supposed to go by court order on custody and custodial parent. Depending on the laws in her state, if the son consistently misses school and gets into a truancy situation, she can be held liable as equally or more than the father if by court order she is still legally the custodial parent. Since she didn't say how the change in custody happened, it can make a difference.
Photobucket
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
I also agree with the continually contacting him. It's sort of like the od phrase, out of sight, out of mind. If you pretty much stop contacting him, it is much easier for him to get the impression you don't care whether he's around or not and make it that much harder for him to come to you about things, including being more respectful to you. You should also try to be having regulatvisitation time with him, whether its just meeting up for dinner or whatever.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I disagree with the others. Don't contact him for a little while. Not while he's in the attack mode he demonstrated with his last text. And now he's not replying to you, anyway. Give it a couple of weeks.

Give him time to miss you, and more importantly to get into a routine of what his new life is going to be like, and time to think. He's not able to do that at this time. Living with his father is too new.

I've gone through it with my son, and like I was told on these boards, my son came back around to having a relationship based on respect and love. He's living at my parents' home now so he'll have transportation for work. (much happened in between 15 and 22), but he came around. We haven't been this close in years, we still butt heads, but he is very respectful... and kind.

Things are far from perfect with my son. But the point is, people kept telling me he won't stay the same hateful, disrespectful child (who hated my guts) he was as a teen. And they were right. Bunnie comes to mind. She told me a couple of times.

Hang in there. Let him have his space. Try not to worry too much about losing him. Cause you won't.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

Hey cat - good to see you. I'm glad that your ds is living with your folks and working. And most importantly that your relationship is so much better. I don't know everything but I do know you've been through a lot with him over the last several years.

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009

Thank you, Pam.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005

oh geez, i know exactly how you are feeling.