Need help with my 14yr old son

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Need help with my 14yr old son
5
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 12:57pm
Man I don't know where to start my son lies, steals, yells, and curses at me and my husband (who is his stepfather) he also beats up on his little sister who is only 10yrs old. Last week I called the Sheriff on him because he slammed me into our back door. I have taken him to two different councilors one of them told us we were bad parents and the other one said she could not help him because he would not open up to her and be truthful. I don't know what to do. To tell you the truth I am scared of my son I am a lot smaller then he is and he knows it. I really need some help here. I am so scared that he is really going to hurt one of us one day.
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 2:17pm

Have you discussed this with his doctor? I think I would start with a medical checkup because some physical problems can cause severe behavior problems. If he checks out physically I would take him to a psychiatrist for a complete evaluation. If there is something going on that requires medication the Rx must come from a doctor (psychiatrist); a psychologist, counselor, or therapist cannot prescribe medication. If there is no chemical problem the psychiatrist can recommend a therapist experienced in dealing with your son's type of issues. Also realize that in therapy/counseling you often need to try more than one practicioner to find one that "clicks" with the patient, and even then it can take a long time to "see results".

The sooner that you can address the issue the better, not only for the sake of your family's safety and peace of mind but also so he can be helped. When he turns 18 you cannot make him get treatment or take meds or even talk to his doctors without his permission, so do what you can while he's still a minor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 9:21pm

Dear Jordish,

Welcome to our corner. 

I know a whole lot of nothing about this issue because our two DDs are so perfect.  (LOL  I could burn in hell for a lie like that.) 

I would add this to the above post.

After checking medical, hormonal, emotional, and psychiatric issues on your son, I would be wondering about drugs of some type.  I truly do not know if your son’s problems may be drug related.   I’m just throwing that out there as a possibility.

In our day, hubby and I did inhale a few hits off the old bong, but my drug of choice was screwdrivers, while his was a six pack plus of Coors.  We’re in our late thirties; OK 45.

Hubby and I never had to face these substance issues with our two DDs, who are married to the two guys they started hanging with just before they all turned thirteen and fourteen. The guys both come from stable families with some substance abuse issues that kept them from experimenting.  We had other issues to deal with.

Unfortunately, we live in a day where perfectly normal teens experiment with more than smoking tobacco and pot and drinking adult beverages.  I have cousins with kids strung out on meth, and a particularly strong one called “ICE.”  My sister and I are just happy that our kids are so stupid that they still think of ICE as what floats in a soft drink at Costco. 

Some teens, maybe your sons friends, are smoking what they call spice and bath salts, which have resulted in suicides and murders here in our area. These items have no uniformity or defined properties as to what is in them.  They come with warnings that they are not for internal use but the places that sell them know that that main use of them is smoking.  These are not your grandmother’s bath salts and spice.  Some teens are smoking Drano and battery acids, both knowingly and unknowingly.

Some kids are experimenting with prescription drugs that they get from schoolmates—schoolmates who support their own drug habits by dealing drugs.

I don’t know exactly how it is done, but there are different levels of drug testing.  Some are rather extensive and can pick up on some of these newer types of substance abuse Issues.

Then it may be only an old fashioned case of the “teen-itus,” a very common disease that only “age” can cure.  But, it does need to be addressed and the sooner the better.

All the best,

Kimmy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 10:05pm
Check with Sheriff's office to see if those tests would pick up things like spice, bath salts, meth, etcetera.. If so then go back to what elc11 posted. And discuss this with the psyciatrist. .

Also, some of you other ladies out there may have some helpful advice for Jordish.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 11:54pm

Thinking about you and your son today, these thoughts came to my mind.  Maybe they can be of some help to you. 

Around here, the juvenile authorities will give tours of the juvenile detention facilities to show the teens at risk of landing there that it’s not a really fun place to be. They can explain that this is where teens who assault family members end up.

And the sheriff’s office gives teens at risk a tour of the county jail.

Also, the court sometimes orders teens that race on the roads, use drugs, are picked up for DUI, in gangs, and other risky behaviors, to go with their parents to a funeral home to pre plan their own funeral. One of the ladies at work has a husband who is a funeral director and has volunteered to do this for the courts. He graphically explains the body prep procedures, shows the teen the casket and urn choices, shows the teen where his parents and siblings will sit during the teen’s funeral service, discusses with the teen who will officiate, eulogize, etcetera.   Asks for any special requests that the teen may have.  Jots all this down on a file folder for the director to use when the parents need a funeral for the teen. 

For some teens, these are a wakeup call that they answer.