Teen cutting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2002
Teen cutting?
Sat, 12-22-2012 - 9:25pm

Anyone have any info on 15 yo teenager cutting themselves? Just recently started this and they don't know I know yet. Wondering the best way to approach this and not make matters worse. I know it started over a boyfriend breaking up with her and she still has feelings for him. Any info appreciated on this or where to look for advice. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
In reply to: kk107
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 7:35pm

Hi and welcome to the board. I don't have first hand experience with cutting but I know of several class mates of my boys (now 22 and 25) did it. My older ds did suffer from anorexia for several years, which is also an emotional disorder. I think you should be up front with your dd and let her know you know that she's cutting. Probably telling her to stop isn't going to work any more than us telling our ds just to eat more worked. She probably could benefit from talking to a counselor about healthy ways to recover from a break up/disappointment/etc. She'll likely face several such events in her life. Good luck and keep us posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
In reply to: kk107
Sun, 12-23-2012 - 11:49pm

Welcome to our corner of the village and gentle hugs to you.

I have no BTDT experience, but I think for starters I would call the HS counseling office for advice on the subject and what services they may know of. Also, because I and my daughters have a very special relationship with our female OBgyn I would call her or her main nurse for advice on where to go.

Hubby and I live with our daughters and SILs who are late 19 and 20 year olds. What we thought was puppy love was absolutely serious to these little puppies five years ago and thankfully still is. And I have no clue as to exactly why these two couples bonded, but they did.
However, most teen romances don’t go the distance and some of us, LIKE ME, really do damage to themselves trying to compensate for the failures. My “cutting” was being promiscuous and I have lots of physical and emotional scars to show for it.

When I think of these types of situations, I think of Garth Brooks’ signature song UNANSWERED PRAYERS. (You can Google up the lyrics.) It is the story of a guy who runs into his old high school sweetheart at a hometown football game and as the two couples are talking he can’t help but remember how he once prayed that GOD would grant him this one prayer: That this flame would be his for all time. However, she was not the angel he remembered, and he could tell that he had lost stature in her eyes also. And looking at his wife that’s when he thanked GOD for unanswered prayers.

It is very difficult for teens to comprehend that they may not meet the “right person” for another five, ten, or fifteen years. That is like forever away to them. And from experience, I can tell you the pain of a teen breakup can be unbearable. I would try to help her to understand that like the guy in the song, when she finds the “right guy” she is going to be so grateful that this guy and she broke up. And no guy is ever worth hurting yourself over.

I hope this ramble of mine is of some help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
In reply to: kk107
Fri, 12-28-2012 - 5:32am
Yes, And get the school counselor involved. DD is friends with girls that "cut", I don't get it but there was a video that went viral about a girl that killed herself and I believe it all started this way! We talked and we talked to her counselor too who said the message behind that (why kids do it) is that the physical pain feels better than the hurt inside which is sooo darn sad.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2012
In reply to: kk107
Fri, 07-26-2013 - 11:56am

Yes, what we did is we informed the pedetrician who had the one on one and discussed the issues and also informed the downsides of what could go wrong. and they both agreed that therapy was needed and we later signed up for therapy and doctor and now all is well.

The only issue is that we as parents are not informed of what is happening since they are young adults which is a sad thing and we do not know the causes and the reason why and with that we are left out and we can help the situation.

You can also check out my book its a simple go to guide for teens or young adults on how to deal with the real life issues they are faced with. http://www.amazon.com/18-Just-Number-Lilian-Campbell/dp/1630049247/ which can be handy for them and will help you communicate if she does not communicate. Hope that helps Good Luck!

Thank YouLaughing

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2013
In reply to: kk107
Sat, 09-07-2013 - 11:07pm

My step daughter is a cutter. She moved in with us after being with her birth mom. She has been cutting since about the age of 14...that she would admit to. It was originally over being raped by her halfbrother. She was in a crisis center 4 times before she came to us. We did what everyone said: lots of counseling, her pediatrician was involved and so was her school counselor. We thought she was happy but she was not. Her issues were more deep rooted than we imagined. Since she was a good student we tried keeping her focused on the future. She exceled in school and she earned a scholarship to the college of her chosing in our state.

She rediscovered boys and that's where it all fell apart. From what I see, all the guys looked a lot like her half-brother in thier build. It was an eerie site. We tried to get her to stay focused on school. It didn't work. Once she turned 18, she moved out of our house and into her boyfriend's parents' home and they moved to another state. Since that time, she got pregnant and decided to go back to her birth mom's home, without the father of her child.

We are not sure what is happening now. She will not talk to us.

I wish I had a story of triumph for you. The fact is, there is little known about cutting and why they do it. Her school counselor told us that some kids are resorting to erasing the skin off their arms as a way of harming themselves as well.

The only words of wisdom I can offer is this:

Do not give up. Talk to a counselor for yourself as well. This takes a toll on anyone around the cutter too. You may find yourself blaming or second guessing yourself as a parent. Remember: It's not your fault.

As for my stepdaughter all I can do is hope that having a child will make her think twice about harming herself.