Teen daughter and a 40 year old online

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Teen daughter and a 40 year old online
58
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 9:06pm

Please help!

My daughter just told me that she has been communicating online with a 40 year old married man. Last year, he sent her a vibrator and a webcam in the mail for her 16th birthday. She thinks there is nothing wrong with this "relationship" and they tell each other "I love you". he wants to come and visit her. I am completely freaked out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 9:14pm

I would call the police because if he has been on line w/ her since she was 12, then he's probably a child molester.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 9:17pm

Given that he lives in another country and I don't have any proof of any molestation or even pornography issues...I don't think they will do anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2003
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:24am

this is a tough one.. but i think i would call the police - because IF he is in this country.. it could be a problem.

AND if your dd does decide to book, or he sends her money.. at least the police was contacted prior.

Let them look into it..

there is somehing wrong with this man..

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 12:31pm

How do you actually KNOW that he lives in another country?

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 1:41pm

What should you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:03pm

It was a busy, exhausting day as I considered all options. I contacted the cyber crimes people through Center for Missing and Exploited Children and they called me very quickly. They forwarded the information on to the State Bureau of Investigation in my state- task force/cyber crimes division. I meet with that agent and his boss tomorrow at 5:30pm. I've contemplated a group home placement, counselors, etc. I've considered taking the laptop away and all kinds of restrictions. I've felt murderous today. It was exhausting. In NC, it is NOT a crime at the age of 16 and above because age 16 is the age of sexual consent. Even if he came over here to meet her for sex (which they plan to do), he is safe. But no....I don't really know he is who he says he is. Cyber crimes can find out if he has sold her images from the webcam and can find out if he is on a sexual offender registry. In THAT case, his communication/activity with her will have violated his probabtion. It could be that he has an outstanding warrant or they can uncover information about him that will convince my daughter that she doesn't know who she THINKS she knows. She gave me access to her facebook messages and email accounts, so I was able to uncover alot of information that helps me to know more about his character. He is a predator. My daughter first told her older sister about him and she told me, so he is mad at my oldest daughter. He said this about her:

Well, she'll f*cking get hers, she's f*cking you over left right and
centre. It'll f*cking change when I'm there with you. She f*cking
hates me so idc about her. Believe me I give as good as I get. She
thinks she's a f*cking bad ass, I'd love to bring her over here and
dump her in the middle of one of the rough estates in the towns near
where I was brought up; they'd rip her to f*cking pieces, and that'd
be the little kids.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:09pm
I took away the webcam. I have access to 9000 of their chat room messages. I have not taken the laptop yet because I know that will cause major rebellion issues. I have to think on that one for tomorrow. If SBI wants it, I will give it to them. I can learn more about when/how they plan to meet if I monitor it. However, I also know she has been brainwashed and there has to be a separation from him in order for that bond to be broken. It will have to wait until tomorrow. My brain is overwhelmed. How do parents work and leave the house and have the energy to function through stuff like this? I haven't had sleep in days. My eyes hurt from crying. I didn't take a shower until about 5pm. I keep having murder fantasies. I sent Dr. Phil an email. I will be publicly humiliated on his show if he will send her to wilderness camp! I know my daughter has never been sexually active and i'll be damned if this animal is going to get his hands on her!:-|
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 10:31pm

My heart goes out to you.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 8:00am
Maybe I'm wrong, but that kind of dialogue doesn't sound like a 40 year old. At any rate, glad you got the authorities involved. I think I'd still never let her online unsupervised til this is over. Good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 8:25am
His use of the words "rough estates" leads me to believe that he's from the UK. Their low-income housing projects are called "estates" there. Since he's likely not from the US, I'd be contacting Interpol to see what they know about him and to see what they can do to help you. I'd contact them today.

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