Teen daughter and a 40 year old online

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Teen daughter and a 40 year old online
58
Mon, 08-01-2011 - 9:06pm

Please help!

My daughter just told me that she has been communicating online with a 40 year old married man. Last year, he sent her a vibrator and a webcam in the mail for her 16th birthday. She thinks there is nothing wrong with this "relationship" and they tell each other "I love you". he wants to come and visit her. I am completely freaked out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 5:35pm
How old was this girl? Because "the cops" told me specifically that at her age of 17, he could come here specifically to have sex with her and there's nothing I could legally do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 5:37pm
Ok, whatever. I so wish this wasn't real.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 6:03pm

First I want to say that it would be really nice if I could get some support for my situation. Even if I'm biting heads off right now, I specifically chose this board to post on because I liked the name...ivillage....like it takes a village to raise a child? I thought maybe I could get alittle rallying here boost my spirits. The world is so different now and I guess with the internet, no one really has any idea if someone is real or a troll.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 6:08pm
Oops, I forgot to mention the article I linked below. When I googled the mail charge of exploitation, I found that article. It looks quite similar to my situation. The cyber agent said he is going to make the case for the UK officials because their laws are tougher. He says he is fairly certain that he can make the case now and it helps alot to have that large cash gift to reinforce it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 6:38pm

Hey, here is a link to federal law regarding exploitation of a minor for sexual purposes. I can't really figure it all out and the agents (they are dept of justice agents) made it sound so ambiguous and uncertain when I met with them and when we talked today but it sure seems like I have a pretty good case against this guy!

I have a dim view of the justice system because of a past incident involving personal injury. The district attorney's office didn't want to prosecute my case. He said it had a civil resolution but their "budget was too stretched" to pursue criminal charges. That was not justice! i was much more interested in criminal charges than I was the money for injuries. So that probably has something to do with why some of you don't understand why I'm so skeptical.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Thu, 08-04-2011 - 6:38pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Fri, 08-05-2011 - 3:07pm

I think I'm replying to my own post, lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Fri, 08-05-2011 - 3:25pm

My point is that it doesn't matter how old she is now. She was underage when she first "met' this guy. That makes him a predator, whether he thinks he loves her or not. Criminals can certainly have real feelings but they are still criminals.

Go with a law enforcement agent to pick up that money and turn it over to them. They can use it to build a case that he is solicitiing prostitution.

And please don't mistake people's advice for lack of support. In your situation, I'd want advice for nailing this creep, not comforting words. You are right to be worried sick about your daughter. If this were my child, I wouldn't let her out of sight without a trusted adult chaperone until she matures, which will not happen without counseling and maybe some classes in online safety.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2011
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 12:21pm

I'm still waiting for the DOJ (Dept of Justice) agent receives access to his email/facebook accounts. They believe that he has probably acted inappropriately with other young girls, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-11-2011 - 4:26pm

I think everyone on this site who advised you to call the police (including me) was only trying to help you.