Teen daughter obsessed with boy wants to runaway and ruin life

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012
Teen daughter obsessed with boy wants to runaway and ruin life
1
Thu, 05-10-2012 - 9:34am

My 15 year old daughter has been going to therapy for two years.  SHe started going because she was cutting herself, was depressed and had issues with her relationship with her father.  Her grades got very poor and she was failing some classes.  I took her to therapy weekly and put her in sylvan for math.  Over the past year she improved her grades dramatically and was doing very well. I also got her involved in activities outside of school.  She has however kept trying to go out with boys that already have girlfriends, she did this twice and then gave up on it.  AT the beginning of this year she starting talking via cell to another boy that is already in a relationship with one of her ex-best friends. She claimed they were only friends. I didn't let her hang out with this boy very often and kept an eye on them as I was suspicious that they were more than friends.  I was right and forbid her to see him anymore.  She refused and continued tosneak around with him.  I then found out he was a very bad boy, skips school often, does drugs and drinks.  His single mother could care less where he is or what he is doing.  He is in a sexual relationship with his girlfriend and now also sleeping with my daughter,.  About 5 weeks ago my daughter began skipping school with him to drink and do drugs.  I of course tried to put a stop to it by calling family crisis, talking to the school etc and have even had the police bring her home 3 times.  She has been moved to a new therapist and is now on meds for depression and mood stabilizers.  She has stopped skipping school, as she has to check in at the office before and after each class.  If she skips only once more she will lose credit in all her classes. She is currently failing everything and there is only 4 weeks of school left.  I am sick to dealth with worry about her as she continues to want to be with this boy and is obsessed with him.  It was recommended to me that she not have contact with him for 30days so she can brake the obsession and see the situation more clearly.  This boy manipulated her to make her feel sorry for him.  I had to take away her cell (she only has it in school) her ipod and the computer as she uses these to continue 24hr contact with him.  It has been about a week now that she only sees him in lunch.  Her therapist told her to brake off the friends w benefits relationship with him and she has pretended that she did but writes in her diary that she really didnt.  She leaves her diary out and yells at me if I read it but leaves it out everyday like she wants me to read it.  I feel manipulated as well.  She now has written that she is pretending to get better and care about school and her grades and that she really is going to runaway with this boy because she loves him and will never let us separate them.  She has been told if she skips or runsaway she will be removed from her high school and put into an alternative school with therapy that is several towns away.  She would not see this boy at all!!! She crys that she doesnt want to go there but is planning to runaway???? I dont understand why this loving child has turned into this monster and is hurting her family and friends so much all over this boy?  Her best friend from when she was four yearsold has even walked away from her and told her until she stops that relationship and hanging out w bad kids she wants nothing to do with her.  My daughter is self destructing! I dont know what to do. and today I found an entry in her journal that she wants to cut her cats heart out and put it in a jar so she can take her cat with her when she runs away soon.  SHe dearly loves her cat and has had her for eleven years.  I was horrified!!!! She also talks like when she runs away we will never find her and she will have a new life with this boy forever......seems alittle unrealistic to me? the police will certainly find her and bring her home.  Her last entry is is wouldn't that make a great headline! Girl runs away after cutting cats heart out"  I am seriously concerned for her mental health at this point? Is she serious? She also states that she would rather die than live without this boy and has said she wanted to kill herself several times over the last few months.  PLEASE HELP! Ids what to do anymore! Should I call her therapist and discuss this last entry in her journal that concerns me and her threat to runaway? of should i wait and see what happens?  does anyone have any suggestion on what is wrong with my daughter and how i canhelp her?  I cant understand why she thinks we would let her date this boy who is a danger to her???? im so worried!!!!! please help!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2008
Hows everything going, blackcat? Is there a diagnosis? Has there been any progress?