Teen stepdaughter using synthetic marijuana

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2011
Teen stepdaughter using synthetic marijuana
11
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 5:47pm

I'm new here, and really need an outside opinion. Long story short, Married 6.5 years, 15 yr old stepdaughter, 5 yr old son & 2 yr old daughter. Over the course of the last year, we've caught my stepdaughter with alcohol, cigarettes, and most recently rolling papers. She snuck out the house last night, I caught it, and she was home today. On a hunch, I took a look in her room and found an empty cigarette pack with a packet of synthetic marijuana, rolling papers, a lighter & what appears to be a ready to be smoked, rolled up joint.

Has anyone any experience with this sort of thing?

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Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 11:45pm

How long has she been acting out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2011
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 11:10am

You pretty much have hit the nail on the head...a past of inconsistent discipline & consequences, threats not followed thru, etc. My wife was 18 when she had her, and they more or less have grown up together like sisters. They also spent a significant amount of time living with my in-laws before we got married, so there is an obvious confusion (from my pov) as to where authority lies.

I know my step-dd takes full advantage of the fact that my her mom hasn't always followed thru when it came to discipline, which is why it makes things often so hard to deal with because I have disagreed with the way she has handled many situations (another topic of conversation). I've had to back off so much just to get to a point where it doesn't appear that I'm "attacking" when I give my opinion. It's hard though, her dad isn't in her life, so I have to play the role of husband, dad, step-dad, and minding my own business.

So, no, we aren't always on the same page. I brought the stuff I found to my wife's attention, and she took to my step-dd about it. I know she's punished, but she is almost always punished somehow. It hasn't prevented her from sneaking her phone, taking a laptop into her room, having friends over if no one is home, or sneaking out or just leaving anyway. We've taken everything away at various points, but nothing seems to make a difference in her decision making or actions.

She's been caught with alcohol at least 5 or 6 times, caught with cigarettes too many times to count, and now this synthetic crap. It's sad because she's a co-captain of cheerleading at her high school, but is lazy and abuses herself outside of school. What's worse, she's doing all of this illegal stuff with kids 13 years old in the neighborhood, and she'll be 16 this September.

We've threatened her getting a license, and that's made no difference. I've already stated that there is no way she will be able to drive and be on our insurance if this is what she chooses to do when she leaves our house. My wife is in agreement with that.

I know this issue runs way deeper than just "we caught her with this stuff, so what do we do?"

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 07-06-2011 - 11:37pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 4:37pm

I think that's kind of crappy to say that they could lose the next 2 kids as well. Kids make choices -- and not all of them make good or bad ones. It's not all parent's fault and no parent is perfect. I am starting to see that this board is a bit judgemental. How about some advice not criticism?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 6:20pm

Hey Julia - don't give up on us! There are many different parenting styles and many different family dynamics represented on this board. For the most part everyone is very accepting of this, very supportive, and offer advice where they think they can help. Like any other public forum, just take what you feel may benefit you and your family and leave the rest. If you feel that certain members 'rub you the wrong way' just ignore them. There used to be a block feature but I don't think they have that anymore. People on this board have been so very supportive and encouraging to me through the various trials when the boys were teens. From my older ds's wild phase in high school to his eating disorder to my younger ds flunking out of school, getting his girlfriend pregnant, and their subsequent marriage, birth and deasth of their daughter, and divorce. All by age 20. No, I didn't agree with everyone and I certainly didn't take everyone's advice but most of the people here are great people just doing the best they can to get their kids through the teen years!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 8:06pm
Thanks! You are so right about taking what is beneficial and leaving the rest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Wed, 01-04-2012 - 12:19pm

Julia, I do not always agree with Sabr but this time I agree.

According to the Step-dad, this mom has been more of a friend than a parent. Unless this approach to parenting changes, there is a good chance that the other two children could have problems. This is not judgmental but just logical.

Sabr did not say that the mom was a bad mother, just one that needs some direction. She advised that the child have a complete medical workup. Julia, much of our behavior is driven by our genetics and our environment. And understanding how our genetics "color" our behavior and our environment is the first step in effective parenting. That is the crux of Sabr's advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2012
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 9:14pm
Oh come on people! Its the 21st century!!!! Just light one up with her! Your relationship will drastically improve!!!!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2009
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:29am
Yes, it is the 21st century and we know more about the health risks and long term damage drugs, alcohol and smoking have a developing young body.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:33am
I suspect it's just a post to get people riled up - looks like they just registered with Ivillage yesterday and this is the only post they've made.
Pam

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