update -- Re: Teen daughter didn't come home

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
update -- Re: Teen daughter didn't come home
7
Tue, 01-03-2012 - 11:18pm

She came home today and I was all ready to talk, dish out consequences and tell her that I'm not changing my rules and what is still expected (my rules but she is locked in her room and won't talk to me. She refuses to come out. ugh!

I've decided -- Tomorrow, the lock and doorknob comes off her door.

And to those who talked about her supposed disorder, I don't thnk that is it at all. Her current therapist has said no such thing. She is defiant and has problems with lying but she knows exactly what she is doing.

What do I do about her lockin herself in her room tonight? Anyone have a suggestion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007

Ughhhh - this is the really difficult part of doing this without either the father or a supportive partner - to brainstorm and also emotionally support you thru this so you can make the best choices - especially with a very challenging, defiant, oppositional teen. BTDT.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005

Thank you so much. I stayed calm and let her be for the night. In the morning, I unlocked the door with a screwdriver saying she has to go to school when she was saying she wasn't going. She freaked out. I took her laptop away and put it in the trunk of my car because then she can't use it and will have to come out of her room eventually and talk. While I showered, she took it back out of the trunk. She yelled and screamed in front of me and her little sister.:smileysad: Then she said she wants to die and will kill herself because she hates her life. This is the end of the line. As soon as I take her little sister to daycare, I'm calling someone to help -- will start with police I guess.I don't know who else. If she is going to threaten suicide I can't just go to work.

Last night her dad finally called in response to my texts and exploded on the phone when I said he should come get her because it's time she live with him. He said no way and said I created a monster and now I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Sorry but I just think that something is going on here more than typical teen annoyance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005

Thanks and all good points. I will keep them in mind. I had the school do an evaluation and they decided she said it all in anger and that she isn't a danger to herself.

We need to talk about this on Friday at therapy.

Tonight I will try to talk to her again and tell her again like I do often that I love her. I don't want to send her away but she needs to follow my rules and stop the running and lying and deceit.

I do wonder about sibling jealousy and try to do stuff with her alone but she rarely wants to hang out with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

What do you mean about the dad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005

She doesn't like going to her dad's because she doesn't like his wife. Also, for the most part, her dad doesn't do anything fun with her. She just sits in her room.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007

My (difficult) DS17 does not go to his Dads 20 mins away (convenient for him) hardly now

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16