Wife and I always fight with each other after incidents with teens

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012
Wife and I always fight with each other after incidents with teens
15
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 10:56am

This morning we had another incident where I got in a verbal fight with my 18-year-old son, which led to a fight between my wife and me. Early this Sunday morning, I heard some commotion downstairs in the kitchen, much earlier than normal, and heard him and a couple of his friends getting something to eat in the kitchen. I went downstairs and said something like, "Wow, you guys are up early. Are you just now getting up?" He replied that they've been out all night and just got to the house.

Since this has been going on for quite some time, I remarked, "You guys need to get in the right time zone, or move to Hong Kong." Ten minutes later, he came into my bedroom, where I was sitting at my desk and asked why I embarrassed him in front of his friends. I told him sorry, but he immediately started cussing at me, calling me a b****, using the f-word, and shooting me the middle finger. It was as though he was under some drug-induced state, but I don't think he did anything other than drink.

His mom told him, "Son, your dad just said he was sorry", but that seemed to make him madder. I stayed calm for a few minutes, but then told him to get out of my room and that I wanted his friends out. He refused still calling me names and using terrible language in front of his 11-year-old brother. There was some pushing and shoving and his Mom ended up getting in between us, but he managed to get some punches in to my back and top of my head. This was all out in the upstairs hallway.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012

Thanks for the reply. Reading back my original post, I almost made it sound like my wife doesn't think about his future, but she definitely does. She does the bulk of the work in regards to preparing him for college. He's actually a college student now, but is taking this semester off due to a horrendous first semester at a school three hours away.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Well, my parents celebrated 50 years last summer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I really think I"m one of the less strict parents on this board, but there is no way that I'd have an 18 yr old kid who is not in school just hanging around the house and sleeping all day--does he even have a part time job?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999

If <<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999

This young man not only needs to be held accountable for his bad behavior and poor choices, but he needs to do something besides sleep all day and party all night - like find a job!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

Your son doesn't respect your authority because your wife undermines it. Saying things like "go to your room and calm down" to her adult husband is just not acceptable. Unless you're actually beating someone up (in which case, she should call the cops), she's being incredibly patronizing and treating you like a child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2011

I have two adult sons and when the youngest of the two was at home,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Dear Couple guy,

If a person did not know better they might assume that this is a bunch of crabby old ladies in here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012

I appreciate all the replies. Here's a quick update. I called the kid up to talk with him later that same day, and he apologized, adding that he had been around a bunch of athletic buddies of his and that there were some fights. He also adding that that's no excuse for how he acted towards me. I don't think beer was an issue. Although I thought I might have smelled something, that historically hasn't really been a problem with him. 'Lazy' would be his more defining trait.

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