Wife and I always fight with each other after incidents with teens

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2012
Wife and I always fight with each other after incidents with teens
15
Sun, 02-19-2012 - 10:56am

This morning we had another incident where I got in a verbal fight with my 18-year-old son, which led to a fight between my wife and me. Early this Sunday morning, I heard some commotion downstairs in the kitchen, much earlier than normal, and heard him and a couple of his friends getting something to eat in the kitchen. I went downstairs and said something like, "Wow, you guys are up early. Are you just now getting up?" He replied that they've been out all night and just got to the house.

Since this has been going on for quite some time, I remarked, "You guys need to get in the right time zone, or move to Hong Kong." Ten minutes later, he came into my bedroom, where I was sitting at my desk and asked why I embarrassed him in front of his friends. I told him sorry, but he immediately started cussing at me, calling me a b****, using the f-word, and shooting me the middle finger. It was as though he was under some drug-induced state, but I don't think he did anything other than drink.

His mom told him, "Son, your dad just said he was sorry", but that seemed to make him madder. I stayed calm for a few minutes, but then told him to get out of my room and that I wanted his friends out. He refused still calling me names and using terrible language in front of his 11-year-old brother. There was some pushing and shoving and his Mom ended up getting in between us, but he managed to get some punches in to my back and top of my head. This was all out in the upstairs hallway.

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Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
This goes back to what ALL OF US have said. You and your wife need to be on the same page. In order to get there, you and your wife need counseling.
FWIW, instead of griping about lights left on, my dh put many of them on motion activators. They went on when there was movement near them, and went off when movement ceased. I laughed. Then he noticed that the lights were going on & off all day AND all night--whenever a dog walked past the activator. And we had 3 dogs. So he moved them higher, and took them all out when the kids moved out for good--in their middle 20's. Except in my study, where I am forever failing my hands in the air when the lights go out.
As for the wet towels, instead of typing a sign, which everyone will laugh at and then ignore, how about using natural consequences?? When my kids left wet towels on the floor, I picked them all up and put them on their beds. It only took a few times of coming home to a cold, damp, moldy smelling bed to cure them.
When they EACH used 3 towels for each bath -- 1 on their head, 1 on their body, and 1 on the floor-- instead of griping, or writing up a sign, I washed ONLY the towels for DH & my bathroom, and put them away immediately. It only took ONE time of having to run bare-assed thru the house looking for a towel, to cure them.
DO YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE IN APPROACH???
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Now I've never been a SAHM but why does your DW like being a servant?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

I would go to counseling pronto. By not allowing your kids to take responsibility for getting their stuff to school, and not letting them fail when they forget, your wife is not preparing your kids for any type of independent future. She is enabling them to continue to be dependent on her for everything. And it is totally wrong and messed up to side with her children against her own husband. The marriage has to be the primary relationship in the family, or the family can't function. As you well know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

Well, as I type this, I have in mind this large lady comedian whose name I can’t recall saying something like, “Oh my, girl’s we just have to do an intervention here for this poor lady. She’s being abused something terrible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2012

Coupe, regarding your coming home from work and griping about clothes/towels on the floor, here is something my wife did for me.

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