6yo wakes us up wee hrs to 'cuddle' (m)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005
6yo wakes us up wee hrs to 'cuddle' (m)
9
Fri, 12-16-2005 - 4:18pm
after 2 wks straight of getting woke up at 4:30-5:30am by her b/c she wants to cuddle, this morning i got mad. actually the first 4 times, i just nicely asked her to go back to her own bed, but after that, i got mad. it's a habit she's had her whole life, and we to thru phases where was have to break her of it again & again. i explained this morning that though I LOVE TO CUDDLE WITH HER TOO, everyone (including her) needs our sleep & that she can't continue to do this every morning. i'm 7 mos preg & need my rest too!
now i'm obsessing that she might get the wrong message by my not letting her sleep with me every nite. i dont' want her to feel unloved or anything. occassionally i'll let her get in bed with me when she wakes up the wee hrs, but i don't want it to become a habit. besides, if i let her do it, then i'll have to let her sister do it too and i don't need 2 squirming kids in my bed kicking my belly!
how can i make her understand that it's inconsiderate to wake me up EVERY nite just to cuddle. btw, i cuddle with her EVERY NITE at bedtime. EVERY NITE so it's not like she's neglected.
help??
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003

It sounds like you just need some clear boundaries. SHe can come in anytime after 6 am (or whatever you think is reasonable). If she comes in before, she has a morning consequence (with my first son, it was no morning TV; with my second, it would be no morning chocolate milk). It has never taken more than two days of a consequence to break the habit on the early-waking issue.

Without a clear rule, you can't blame her for coming into your room. Sometimes she gets what she wants, sometimes she gets sent back, but as it stands now, she has nothing to lose by trying.

~Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005
Mon, 12-19-2005 - 11:11am

so i shouldn't be worried about her thinking i'm being uncaring or mean by sending her back to bed? btw, she doesn't do it nearly as much on the nights she knows dad is home. (he works 4 nights a wk).

kh

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004

I don't think it is uncaring or mean. Just tell your daughter that everyone needs to get a certain amount of sleep at night in order to stay healthy and that although you love snuggling with her, you wouldn't be a very good mommy if you kept allowing her to get up at night.

That phrase, "I wouldn't be a very good mommy if...." has been used very successfully at my house for a number of issues that typically make Mom look like the bad guy. The kids seem to really understand it and realize that sometimes Mom, too, would like to take the easy way out and give in, but that in order to do a good job, sometimes we have to stay firm to what we know is right.

For example, my son went through this phase (when he was five!) where he wouldn't wipe his own bottom. He had some medical issues that made it messier then is usual, so I completely understood why he prefered me to do it for him. But I realized that when he went to Kindergarten he would be expected to clean himself up and it would not be good for him if he didn't know how to do it. So I told him that "I wouldn't be a very good Mommy if I didn't make sure you know how to clean yourself up at school."

It is a phrase you can say with lots of sincere empathy and yet still hold firm to what you need to have happen.

Good luck,

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003

Definitely not, unless you are refusing to cuddle her during daylight hours.

~Lynn

p.s. Who cares if she thinks you're mean? Any parent doing his or her job is going to be considered "mean" by his or her kids at some point. Kids don't like not getting everything they want, but of course giving kids everything they want does not prepare them to be nice people who can live in the real world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005

thank you lynn. you're right... it's not like she doesn't get plenty of lovins during the day! i was beginning to think maybe she got cuddled too much during the day & she was getting spoiled & expecting it all night too! let me just say that this is our experience with the aftermath of co-sleeping with her until she was 3. she's the only child we did that with b/c of the sleep issues it created in our dd. i'm sure it's not this hard with all kids who coslept, but it is with ours. THANKS!

kh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:10pm

It is going to be a little harder with the co-sleeping issue up until this point, but not impossible.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 11:22am

magically the tummy aches have stopped. 2 wks ago we moved dd #2 into dd #1's room in order to free up the nursery, and the LOVE their 'new' room! we redecorated it & got them bunk beds & they are in heaven & sleeping until 7:45 most days! haaaaaallllallluaaahhhh!!

kh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:33pm
I'm so glad all worked out! She just needed a companion, LOL! Well, happy resting, mommy! WHen is your baby due?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005

i'm due mid March. seems so far away, but i'm hoping after the 1st of the year, it will go faster! i can hardly wait & am hopeful that my girls will adjust just fine!

kh