7 yr old-doing their nails and hair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2006
7 yr old-doing their nails and hair?
11
Sat, 12-09-2006 - 8:05pm
This is my first message to this board and I am so frustrated that I need to know some other Mom's opinions. My daughter went to a 7 year old birthday party today. The party was going to a salon, putting on a pink robe saying "It's all about me", and having her hair, nails and makeup done. There was massage (vibrating) chairs for the girls while they were waiting their turn, hip-hop music blasting and the movie "High School Musical" playing. All the other moms thought it was so cute and kept saying how nice so-and-so's hair looked.
I was ready to scream the whole time! Why would a 7 year old want a party like this?
Why would a parent want to give a party like this? What kind of message is this sending to every girl at the party? It was sickening... I can't stop thinking about how ridiculous the whole party was. Am I old fashioned? I just don't understand why we can't just let children be children!
UGH... I could really use some opinions/perspective on this. How can I go and talk to these parents on Monday when I just want to say to them "YOU'RE RIDICULOUS!".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 9:31am

Well, I think there is a big difference between a 7 year old going to the salon once a month and having her nails, hair, etc. done, and a birthday party. In one of the stores here, Parisian, they have thing called Libby Lu for girls to go do a similar type thing. They can get thier hair and make-up, and nails done, and the get to choose from a few styles (princess, rockstar, etc). Some girls are girly girls and like to go do that type of stuff. Obviously this 7 year old did, too, or likely she would not have wanted to do it for her birthday.

All of the invites my kids get to birthday parties specify where and what it will be. Did the invite your daughter received not specify? I'm just wondering why you let her go if you found the concept so sickening. Did the other kids have a good time? Did your daughter have good time?

While I agree the that the message "It's All About Me" is not one I allow my girls to walk around believing and exuding, however, wearing a bath robe at a birthday party is far different. It's the everyday stuff that you teach your kids and show your kids, not a message on a robe at a birthday party, or the once a year (if even that often) getting your hair and nails done a birthday party.

In the future I would recommend consulting the birthday party parents as to thier party plans so it does not offend you. For someone concerned about an "All About Me" mentality, you sure do have a strong opinion about someone else's birthday.

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." ~Albert Einstein
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 12:48pm

Hi and welcome to the board.

I do kind of know what you mean, although to be honest I think maybe you are overreacting just a little bit. :)

The reason little girls love to do hair and make-up at birthday parties is because they are trying to emulate glamourous grown-ups or teen queens. They are trying on another personna just for fun. I don't really see it as any different then boys having an Army themed party. It doesn't mean that suddenly they are going to wear camoflage 24/7 and develop a keen interest in weaponry. It is just something they are trying out for the afternoon.

I actually have a birthday party business and we do offer light, sparkly make-up application with our princess parties, which are usually for five year old girls. But it is just part of the costume. The boys (who are knights) get a mustache drawn on their face too.

As for the 'all about me' theme... well, I agree with you - I don't like it much. But I think that is a matter of personal taste. At our birthday parties, my kids (and our customer's kids, for that matter) are encourage to play the part of the gracious host/ess, thinking of their guests needs and welcoming them into their homes. For a spa party (which is currently a very popular idea) I would probably have the theme be something more along the lines of "Afternoon Indulgence" or something like that. The 'All About Me' theme, to me, is a turn-off. But I suppose it is all a matter of degree.

As far as what to say to the parents when you see them on Monday, I think you should say, "Thanks so much for inviting my daughter - she had a great time!" After all, even if their taste is not the same as yours, they still probably spent a ton of money on this party and were kind enough to include your little girl. And it isn't as if they did something so completely unexpected and inappropriate that you would have any right to be outraged. They didn't show rated R movies, they didn't take your child somewhere without your permission and from what I can tell, they didn't even encourage your daughter to be sexy - just glamourous. They didn't make her dance with boys or model crop tops. They just caved to the culturally popular theme craze that is currently circling the country. And one exposure is not going to harm your daughter. You are still her main role model here.

Deep breaths! :)

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 6:24pm
Yes, I did know exactly what kind of party it was going to be. I was not thrilled about the party theme from the onset, however, this happened to be my daughters best friend. It would've been pretty crappy of me not to let my daughter attend. My daughter did not have such a great time - she told me she likes going to the gym better for b-day parties.
You did put my opinions into perspective and I thank you for that. My thoughts were that I felt it was the parents who thought the party theme would be fun - more than their daughter. But, as you pointed out, the party is about their family, their daughter, their values and has nothing to do with my family. And thinking about it further, my distaste turned into an overreaction.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2006
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:19pm

Glad to see that there was a bit of a resolution here- though when I first read your post I knew exactly where you were coming from.
My son is 7 (almost 8) and in second grade. The school had their Christmas concert the other night. At the concert, the girls all wear their pretty, poufy, Christmas dresses and the boys generally wear nice sweaters. It is sort of that way at all Christmas concerts around the city.
Well, one girl in my son's class showed up with her hair in this extreme updo, all spiky and that at the top, she had on tons of makeup (I am a beauty consultant, so knowing makeup is my job, and I have to say, I have never worn makeup that dark or heavy and I am an adult!)- she had on for sure dark eyeshadow, mascara, blush, and lipstick (not lipgloss- lipstick!), and likely had on eyeliner, though I couldn't tell all that well. Then to top it off she had on a gold shimmery top that came down in the sides, then back up to her neck (sort of like a letter w) that she had to keep pulling up all night so her chest would not be showing. It was disgusting- this child is only in second grade. All I could think when I saw her was "Her mother is living through her" and "My little boy goes to school with a girl like this!" Every other girl in her class had on the traditional Christmas dress, hair done moderately- she totally stood out. It just seemed like she was dressed like a teenager.

The problem is, this is totally normal. Parents let their daughters dress like this, they let them play with Bratz who look like prostitutes (sorry to those of you who let your girls play with them- my personal taste says they are not for young girls who are learning who they should be or how to respect themselves)... it is just sad. Kids are no longer kids at all.

So, yes, you did over-react as you knew that it was a spa party,BUT your gut feeling about it was right on, kids are too quickly being ushered into sexual and self-centered lives by parents who either want to live what they didn't have through their kids, or who want so bad to be the cool mom that they forget they are supposed to be guiding the kid into adulthood with sound morals and good thinking skills.

Trishia
mom of 4 and expecting #5 in May 2007. Ages 7, 6, 4, and 21months!

trishia
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:45pm

My DD went to a birthday party just like this over the summer. While I would *never* have a party like this for DD, I let her go because she knows it's just make believe and *we* do not think it's a good idea to dress like this normally.

I know the mom spent a TON of money on the party, but when my DD got home she could not wait to take off the glitter and the millions of hair pins from her lacquered hair. It seemed like such a waste of the mom's money because I bet most of the little girls did like mine did, took down their hair and took a bath and washed it all out right away.

My personal opinion is that society sexualizes our children far too early. Look at the rise in pedophilia---

I prefer to keep my daughter young and child-like for as long as possible. I do not buy Bratz or the sleezy Barbies or other dolls like that. I've explained my reasoning to my DD and she accepts it.

Anyway, JMO.

Lynn

Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 5:29pm

We don't do Bratz or My Scene Barbies either. I can't stand those things. And I totally agree about sexualizing our daughters too soon. I don't even buy my daughter crop tops in the summer. But, that said, I don't see anything wrong with a little glitz and glamour in the right format. A birthday party to me is an imaginative play adventure. So that is the right format. But getting glammed up at a 'glam up' birthday party is different than doing it for the Holiday Concert at school. I feel for that little glamour girl with the creepy gold shirt and heavy make-up. In my opinion her parents are robbing her of innocence and sweetness way too soon.

There is a fine line between drama and sexiness in kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 6:19pm

Its so refreshing to hear of other moms who boycott Bratz dolls. My daughter recenty went to a birthday party that was themed like a Tea Party and they got all dressed up in Victorian Style hats and jewelry and ate little cookies and drank tea and lemonade. It was wonderful to see a mom put so much effort into the party!!

I also feel for the children that are dressed 10 years older then they need to be. My DH and I have a hard time in our area even finding clothes that fit our 7 yo DD and are not lowrise or highcut. When did dressing our daughters like ***** become so mainstream. I even went shopping for our 3yo and they are making lowrise jeans in 2T !?!?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 8:48pm
I could not agree with you more! We won't let our girls play with Bratz either...and they know to tell others who might consider buying them for presents and such that they are not allowed to have them. That sounds rather scary about the little girl in the Christmas program. I cannot imagine putting makeup on my girls this young. I mean they like to play with my makeup at home, but they know that they do not go out of the house with it on. They are also limited as to what they can use (blush usually), and i am the one who applies it. I agree that little girls are sent the wrong messagesm however I feel that it is my job as a parent to monitor the surroundings they will be in, if I do not agree with it, they don't.
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." ~Albert Einstein
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2006
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 8:52pm

"I don't even buy my daughter crop tops in the summer. "

Ugh! Me either! For awhile the fashion trend seemed to lean towards writing ont he bottms of girls pants, such as cutie, hottie, etc. It made DH and I sick frankly. No oneneeds to be staring at my 4, 6 or 20 year old DD's butt for any reason, not do they need to be advertising how cute they are across thier posterior!

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." ~Albert Einstein
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2004
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 9:21am
I don't have a girl but I have seen girls in my class that have had parties like this, honestly at that age I would have had no use for a party like that, the idea of it just escapes me.

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