Another Parent Yelled At My Son

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2007
Another Parent Yelled At My Son
18
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 10:47am

Something happened at my son's bus stop yesterday morning. First, a little background info. My son si 7 and will be turning 8 in December. He's in the 2nd grade. He has two older brothers, ages 15 and 11. Tanner plays with another 7 yr old and a 6 yr old boy who live 2 streets over from us and they ride the same school bus. Tanner weighs about 125 lbs and is big for his age. One morning, the 6 yr old hit Tanner with his lunch box and Tanner hit him in his stomach. Tanner came back home after the 6 yr old ran home and his mom came out to the bus stop and yelled at my son. My son missed the bus, but before I drove him to school, I went to the 6 yr old's house. The lights were on and there car was there but noone came to the door after knocking for about 5 minutes. I went there to tell the mom to not yell at my son like she did. Well, I took Tanner to school and noticed her car was gone went I got back home. I didn't pursue that any further. That is some background on that kid and Tanner. My biggest problem is with Zach, the other 7 year old. During the summer, there was an incident where Tanner kicked Zach between the legs. Zach's mom came to the house and yelled at Tanner about it. After she left, Tanner said he did that after Zach laughed at him for falling off a slide. Another incident, Tanner came home to tell him that Zach's mom yelled at him for chasing Zach. Well, I started walking over to their street when she was walking toward my street. We met in the middle and she started yelling about how she's tired of Tanner bullying her son and for Tanner to pick on someone his own size. Zach is very small and about a head and a half shorter than Tanner. Zach is known to taunt Tanner and then run. So Tanner chases him saying he's gonna beat him up. Whew! Now, for the REAL reason I'm writing today for opinions, help, etc. Yesterday morning at the bus stop Zach was teasing Tanner about being fat to that 6 yr old. Tanner started chasing Zach and Zach ran home and his dad went to the bus stop. Tanner said he put his face real close to his telling Tanner he better leave Zach alone and even used the "F" word. Tanner told his dad and I about this last night which enraged me. One thing the dad said was ,"If you don't understand, I'll make you understand". To me, that is a threat. Well, this dad walks all the time, so my hubby went out to see if he could see him. He ended up walking all the way to his house but noone was home. My husband was livid. He is going to confront this man, but not at his house - he's gonna "catch" him out walking. This man is supposedly disabled, does not work for some reason. Zach is the youngest of 4 children. The oldest daughter is a senior in high school, pregnant, married and they live with her mom and dad. Has anyone had another parent yell at their child like this and how did you handle it? Or, please give me your opinion on how you would handle this.

As we all know, kids will be kids, but I'm getting tired of these parents viewing my child as a bully. Tanner is not one to come crying to me about things. He always takes care of it himself. Zach is a whiner and always runs home to mommy and daddy. If Tanner hits a child first, I feel that child should hit him back. But if another child hits Tanner first and then Tanner hits back, they run home.

Thanks for reading this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 1:22pm

Your son is a bully!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 1:52pm

You're the type of person who comes to the message boards making other posters wishing they never asked for opinions/help in the first place. How the HELL do you know what I'm teaching my son?!?!?!?!?!? Your son must be one of those whiners.

Just so you know, I would have been very upset that some kid kicked my son in the privates. I did not condone his behavior.

If Zach doesn't want my son chasing him, he better quit teasing him. PERIOD He taunts my son, runs from him, then goes to his parents getting my kid in trouble.

I feel sorry for the children you teach. YOU apparently don't listen to both sides of the story.

Today was the first time I posted here. I will not be posting here any longer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 2:15pm

So, you're gonna let someone like me run you off from a good board?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 2:25pm
You're still missing the point of my initial post. It wasn't about my son't behavior. It was about how to handle the dad's behavior towards my son. I wrote about some incidences that happened to let everyone know about what's been going on between the boys. My point is NO GROWN UP should talk to a 7 year old child the way that man did. And what would you do if a grown man got in you child's face, yelling at the top of his lungs, and using the "F" word? I don't care if his parents and I have had discussions about our boys before. That dad should have come to talk to me and Tanner's father.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Fri, 10-26-2007 - 2:36pm

You're right - I didn't address that point - As a parent and a teacher my reaction would be the same - and it wouldn't matter if it were my child or someone else child - my instinctual response would be to find the guy, hunt him down and ... well, I can't use that language here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 3:07pm

I think you and the other mother should be the only ones addressing this issue. The dads both sound like they might beat each other up, as if they were in 8th grade. Remember one very important point....you are the adults. The kids obviously aren't able to resolve this on their own; that's where adults come in. You are absolutely right to be upset about the father yelling at your son. You need to contact the mother, even if you need to write her a note and tape it to her front door. You need to ask her to sit down with you and find a way of teaching the boys how to behave around eachother. You need to make it clear to her that you wont tolerate her or her husband yelling at your son. They will need to bring their concerns to you; not your child. After all, it is your responsibility to teach him how to behave. I agree to some extent with the other mother who posted a response to you. It makes me sick to see kids bullying eachother. Please dont teach your child to hit and kick other kids; regardless of what they do or say. Kids depend on us to teach them the right way to act in society. If you can't get help from the other mother, contact the school.


Good Luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Mon, 10-29-2007 - 4:38pm

Well, I am a parent that will not confront the child who is being mean but the childs

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 1:32pm

Two things I would definitely do:

A.) I would definitely start waiting at the bus stop with the kids in the morning!!!!!!! With their history, these kids should not be together in an unsupervised setting. They are still very young.

B.) I would keep the dads apart, and I would *calmly* talk to the other mother and ask her to talk to you about problems with your son in the future, rather than confronting the son. Obviously if they are witnessing a situation in which a child is getting hurt, they need to step in and break it up, but it is not up to them to yell at or discipline your child. Especially when they are clearly only getting one side of the story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 9:30am

When Zach's mom told you to stop Tanner from bullying her son, what did you do to Tanner? I suspect that Zach's father approached Tanner because he thinks you won't do anything about it.

In our house, there is no hitting allowed. My son Nicholas (11) is big for his age, and gets picked on a lot and called fat, etc. But NEVER under any circumstances would I condone him hitting another child, especially one smaller than he is, for no reason.

Tanner cannot be physically chasing and intimidating kids because they call him fat or laugh at him for falling off a slide. Tanner is reacting with violence, and the other kid is behaving like a normal kid. You need to work with Tanner on his self-esteem.

Before you go off on the other Dad, think about the fact that he's probably just as angry at you for allowing your son to physically push this other kid around, as you are at him for yelling at Tanner. He may have dealt with it the wrong way, but it seems that Zach's mother made no impact on you in the street. You are justifying the bullying behaviour. You say that if Tanner hits a child, the other should hit back? Well my daughter is 6, and my son is 11, and he is big for his age and he doesn't even weigh 125 pounds, and he could kill his sister if he hit her hard enough. She is no match for him, like this Zach is no match for your son. Then you say that if a child hits Tanner they run away? Where are the examples of where Tanner is getting hit by kids that are running away?

Further, to call Zach a whiner for running home to tell his parents that he is scared for his physical safety is wrong. The child is six, and that is what he is supposed to do when he's being bullied. It would break my heart if Alyssa (6) was scared to be waiting at the bus stop. And I would be livid if some 125 pound girl kicked her between the legs for any reason whatsoever. If your son was 12, he could be arrested.

I wasn't there, and I only know what I'm reading in your post, but it really sounds like your son is a physical bully. Hope i'm not offending you, but your post is what it is.

Sarah

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 9:37am

Your son must be one of those whiners.>>>>

What do you mean by one of those "whiners?" Everything I've read, and everything the school teaches children is that if you are being bullied, you TELL someone. This is exactly why we have bullying problems. Parents cannot see what their children are. To say that a 6 year old child is a whiner because he is scared to death just doesn't make any sense.

If Zach doesn't want my son chasing him, he better quit teasing him. PERIOD>>>

See? You are encouraging Tanner to be violent. I don't know how many kids you have, but here's a news flash. Your son is going to be teased his whole life. All kids are at some time or another. I'm just imagining all the times I should have beat people up because they said something mean....LOL. My husband and family would be dead.

As far as Zach goes, you can't control what goes on in his house, and you can't control what his parents teach him. Deal with what you can control, and that is the violence that your son dishes out because he feels terrible about himself and can't take the heat. You say that kids that tell their parents are the whiners? Well it's a heck of a lot better to be a whiner than it is to be the kid that nobody likes and everyone is scared of, and I wouldn't want to have Tanner continue down that path.

Sarah

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