Are boys THAT much different than girls?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Are boys THAT much different than girls?
7
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 10:29am
my dh also blames our dd's anxiety i mentioned below on the boys in our neighborhood. the only kids her age to play with are boys. the things she comes up with i KNOW she doesn't learn from us or in our home. it's either at school (where she only play with girls) OR from these boys who seem to be on another planet! my dh claims that boys are just THAT different from girls. i only grew up with sisters & with us having our 3rd girl in March, i haven't been around boys much at all. but my dh adds that not all boys are as violent & aggressive & it depends on their parents. some of my dd's 'bad thoughts' we KNOW come from things those violent boys have said. plus with her being the only girl, they kinda TRY to gross & freak her out i think. SO... to avoid further stress in dd & my life, i've decided that she will no longer play with those boys. there is however 1 boy who is her "best friend" who is a very gentle sweet little boy that i will continue to let her play with. dh says i can't shelter her. OH but i CAN and I WILL. if typical boys play that way, that's one thing, but i don't have a boy so SHE'S NOT going to play that way!
whoa... i'm giving myself contractions... this is really stressing me out!
NO ONE told me that just b/c i do everything right, doesn't mean the world won't mess up my kids!!
thanks for reading.
kristie & hollie 5/24/99
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 11-29-2005 - 6:22pm

You know... I am trying not to be offended by your post. I don't think you meant to be offensive. But I have a boy whom I love dearly and he and his friends are just great little kids. I do think that there are some differences between boys and girls. Both boys and girls have their positives AND their negatives and while we can generalize them a little, we can never forget that each child is a precious individual.

I think it is important to encourage boys and girls to have friends of both genders. There is so much value in learning to get along with many different types of people. If you are worried about these particular boys, then why don't you invite them over to play at your house where you can supervise them more closely? If you should then decide that these individual boys are not appropriate playmates for your child then so be it. At least you will have given them a fair chance.

Take care,

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 12:00pm

i wasn't being offensive.... see my sentence below from my original post.

"but my dh adds that not all boys are as violent & aggressive & it depends on their parents".

kristie

Avatar for nlas99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 10:51pm

I find it funny that *you* think you are "doing everything right". Truth be told, we all screw up and make mistakes and the sooner you own up to that the easier your life and that of your DD's will be, LOL!

And also, doing everything right doesn't mean your DD will end up perfect and unblemished by the world. She will eventually be making her own choices in the world and they are not a reflection on you and how wonderfully you raised her, they are her choices. I think one of the best gifts we give our children is to teach them how to live in the world with people who don't think and act exactly way they do.

To answer your original question, yes, boys are different from girls. That's the way God made them and isn't it wonderful! Life would be pretty darn boring if everyone was the same.

Lynn

Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:40pm

Kristie,
Sure, boys are different from girls, but aren't all people different from all other people? Kids are individual people first, boys or girls second. I would be wary of passing on the message that most boys are "bad" while most girls are "good". I realize that your message didn't say that outright, but the title of your post combined with the wholehearted denigration of the "violent & aggressive" boys who "seem to be on another planet" suggests that you don't think very highly of the male gender. Yes, you do acknowledge the existence of one nice boy, and say that your "dh adds that not all boys are as violent & aggressive & it depends on their parents." I'm not sure what that means. Kind of makes it sound like boys are naturally inclined to violence, etc., but "good" parents might have some hope of controlling it?

You seem quite sure that your daughter's anxieties come largely from playing with these boys rather than other family or school issues. Certainly they might, and these boys in particular might not be good playmates for your daughter, but I guess I don't see any reason for you to generalize this from your original post, at least not to the exclusion of other problems. The only example of a "bad thought" the first post gives is the one about your daughter saying, ""i saw a girl who i didn't think was pretty." This sounds more like the clique-y, judgemental stuff that tends to happen more among girls. I have two boys (who are constantly playing with the two girls next door--hopefully they're not "messing them up"!), and I can't imagine my sons or any of their male friends even thinking about looks in this way. Maybe you could talk to her teacher to find out what kind of things the girls are doing/talking about at school? Or maybe your DD is simply feeling insecure about the baby coming and is trying to get your attention by saying all kinds of extreme things?

Just my 2 cents. Best of luck to you and your girls.

~Lynn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 7:56pm

I'm a lurker but I wanted to add in my .02. I have two children a 7 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. Are boys and girls THAT different? YES!! Mine sure are! Here are some differences I have noted: Boys play differently than girls--they are more physical. Girls are more emotional & whine more. Girls want to belong with the other girls--if another girl is wearing barrettes my daughter will want them too--my son doesn't notice things like that. Girls take offense easier--this person didn't play with me today, they must not be my friend, etc. while with my son its I have a new friend today but this other person is still my friend too. My son is more aggressive in general than my daughter is but piss her off and you'd better run! LOL! We've tried to teach them both to control their tempers and to not hit.

I wanted to tell you some great things about boys though that I've noticed in my son. He cares so much about other people (and animals)--every day I hear about someone in his class. One little girl broke her arm and he was quite concerned about her and wanted to know how her arm was going to be fixed. Everyday he looks for his little friend Sarah to say hi to her. He thinks things through and is extremely smart. He is caring and loving--he always played with the dolls, my daughter was never interested--he is very sensitive and caring. At the local childrens museum he found a broken parachute guy and started crying because he loved the toy! He is quiet and shy--not rude and obnoxious. He listens to his teacher and follows directions. Some girls at church made fun of him and he stopped talking to them--why did they need to do that? Just because he was different than they were??? :( He loves to smile, read and play! He loves spiderman, hotwheels and building sets. He also likes to play video games but we have to watch what he plays because more violent games like Super Smash Brothers makes him more aggressive. He is really competitive too so we have to watch the games where there is only one winner and not let him play to much so it upsets him. My daughter is not that aggressive or competitive.

There are many people out there who like to generalize--all boys are violent, rude, obnoxious, etc when I have seen girls who are just as bad. It has nothing really to do with parents--each child is different and unique with a different personality, but parents can help teach their children. Some parents take the boys will be boys approach and don't teach their little boys how to express anger in a more constructive way--counting to 10, hitting a pillow, etc. But I've seen girls who are just as aggressive too, so its not just boys.

If these boys in your neighborhood are not good playmates, then they aren't, it really isn't a gender issue, its a this kid is to much for my child issue.

I hope that my post sheds some light on the differences between boys/girls and why I love them both! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 6:56pm
I'm going to rte-read your post below before I post my reply. I just don't want you to think I am not answering your thread. =)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 7:18pm

I couldn't find you other post so I'll respond to this one based on what has already been said here. =)


I think it is always a dangerous thing to label any ONE particular circumstance as the culprit of any certain behaviors. Children digest things differently and they have a lot to take in. I'm sure hte things you are noticing are not ONLY from one particular cause.


That being said, I believe boys ARE different. Not bad or worse, just different.

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