A boy I babysit

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
A boy I babysit
8
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 5:55pm

Hi everyone!
I am brand new to this sort of thing but I am really reaching out in hopes that I can get some of my questions answered!!!
I know it is normal for kids to experiement but I want to know if it is normal that a 6 year old boy I baby sit told my son (who is 7) to stick there hands down there pants. I also want to know what to do because the little boy asked my son if he could touch his and vice versa. The kids were suppose to be reading to each other but as I went in to check on them I could sense something was going on. My son was open and honest about what happened and that he wanted to say no but didn't (but that is another issue :( )
I know I should confront the mom, but how? Should I end this boy from coming over anymore??
Please help, any comments or suggestions from other mothers would be greatly appreciated!

Avatar for nlas99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 8:55pm

I don't know if "confront" the other mom is the right word, but if you mean tell her what happened and that you thought she would want to know what happened, then yes I think you should mention it to her. (I always feel that to confront someone means to be adversarial.)

I think what happened is somewhat normal, but I would keep my eye on them. Next time that boy comes over I would keep the boys busy playing in the living room where you can keep an eye on them. If you think there is something going on at home, like abuse of some kind, you might have to report it to child welfare services.

Keep us informed.

Lynn

Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 12:13pm
Thank you so much for you reply! And yes I did mean more to tell the mom, not so much "confront" her! And the abuse thing was on my mind as well. I know he gets tossed around a lot from house to house as his mom is a single mom working and doing all she can do to make ends meet. She works nights, so the boy is usually here until the evening, but that particular night she had asked if he could stay a bit later.
They are always in my sight playing and being "normal" active boys, but for some reason that night I allowed them to sit in my sons room and read. I know now that I will have to keep them in my view AT ALL TIMES!!!
Thanks again for your response!!
I will let you know what happens when I tell the mom today!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 10:50am

Oh definitely have a friendly chat with the other mom, but don't sound accusatory. I don't think that there is any reason to blow up over it...yet. Make sure that you talk to your son about this, and make sure that the other little boy is aware that in your house, private parts are to be kept private, and keep a close watch on him for a little while.

Sarah

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Registered: 01-06-2007
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 11:00am
Yes thank you! That is excellent advice! I will keep you posted on what happens!
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 1:45pm

I know how akward it is to have this happen.

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Registered: 01-06-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 7:05pm

Thank you everyone for all your replys! It has really made me feel like I am not alone and like I dont have "weird" kids! I have tried all I can to take with my son about the importance of his private space and body. I think the next thing I need to address is his unwillingness to say "NO". He told me he wanted to but.... and I have noticed that he has a hard time saying what he really wants. It is mostly a fear of hurting peoples feelings because he has a big heart and is very sensitive.

Anyone have any ideas on that one??
I already bought 2 books for him and I to read and 2 for me on healthy ways to raise boys. I grew up with 2 younger sisters so having 2 boys is a new thing for me! I will keep you posted on if the books are any good or not. Does anyone have any good books they no of?

Oh, and I talked to the other mom today! I approached as one mom to another and just let her know what I saw and what my son told me. She said she would talk to her son!! It went well and she was appreciative that I told her! Thanks again, you all had such good thoughts and ideas on the whole deal!!!

Avatar for nlas99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 12:46pm

Thanks for the update! I'm glad it went so well for you with the other mom. I think in general parents appreciate the "head's up" so they can talk to their kids about things like, in this instance, privacy.

I think you could use your conversation with the little boy's mom as teaching moment for your son. How you were nervous talking to her about something that made you uncomfortable, but you did what was right and it worked out fine. It helped to build your confidence to do it again when needed. Your son could take this lesson from you and apply it to times when his friends might be doing something he knows he shouldn't, or disagrees with. That when you have confidence in your belief or decision other people just usually accept it and move on. Actually, most people are so absorbed in their own thoughts/actions that they don't give another thought to what you said, but that took me years to learn!!!

Have a great day!

Lynn

Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:53pm

Great idea!!!


I was just going to add that you amy just start with little comments rather than a whole conversation, too. You could say, "Well, honey, everybody wants things and sometimes we even want things we shouldn't have. That's normal. It is important to stop yourself so you stay safe. Its hard making good choices sometimes, isn't it?" And you can leave it

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