co-ed sleepover question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2007
co-ed sleepover question
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 5:05pm

Hello everyone,I am looking for some opinions, as I am completely clueless as what is the right thing to do.
My daughter turned 6 in December. She is in Kindergarten and has had a somewhat difficult time making friends, although she does have a few. She recently asked me if she could have a sleepover, to which she wants to invite her schoolmate.....*gulp*....Jason. Jason is a very well behaved little boy, but I am apprehensive about letting a little boy stay the night with my little girl.

On one hand, I think it would be ok, because I believe that at this age, there is no sexual attraction between kids, it is strictly friendship. I think that if I say no because he is a boy, that may deprive her of something (not sure what) and that it could make her start thinking about reasons that it is not ok.

On the other hand, I am not sure if this is ok to do. I do not know this boy or his mom very well, and I do not know what he has been exposed to. Also, if I let Jason spend the night, I wonder if that will raise problems when she is in 5th or 6th grade and wants to have a boy stay the night and I say no.

I really am lost as to what to do. Jason and my daughter have always been good friends at school, and she really has a fondness for him because he has never been mean to her or made fun of her, and he stands up for her (and anyone else that gets picked on). So what is the right thing to do? Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2004
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 6:54pm

I think if were me and my DS asked to have a girl spend the night, that would be hard. I think I would have to say no. For the simple fact of the point you brought up about DD getting older and asking, I think it is easier to make it a rule now than back track later. I would have to agree I think at this age they are just friends, if you did have the sleep over I would make the rule that they have to sleep in separate rooms that way to insure nothing would happen, kids have times of innocent exploration that can be for sure. Thats a hard one, let me know what you decide.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 9:02am

Growing up in grade school I used to sleep in the same room as a neighbor boy. Granted, our parents were best friends and we would watch him when he went out of town. His sister also was in the room. Nothing happened. We were in seperate beds.

It is wierd, but maybe get to know the family better. Do you have another sibling who can stay in the same room?



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Avatar for nlas99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 1:22pm

IMO, boy-girl sleepovers are a no-no, doesn't matter what the age. It sets up a bad precedent. If b/g sleepovers are allowed now, when do you put a stop to it? and what will you give as your reason. IMO, b/g sleepovers are for when you are married. Period.

I would, instead, invite the boy over for dinner, play some games, watch a movie and have him home by 9 or 10 p.m.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 4:24pm

I agree that at this age there really isn't any kind of dangerous "attraction" to one another.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 11:44am


GIRL let me tell you! I had a similar situation accure just recently and my daughter is also in kindergarten and is 6 as well! The slumber party was being held at The Boys and Girls club which was highly supervised as well which nothing bad happened thank goodness!

My concern though is that you think at their age they dont have sexual attractions, which is possibly true but they are still sexually curious and let me tell you I never thought that either. Plus you dont really know his upbringing, his parents that in itself would draw a red flag.

I guess I am more aware of this and disturbed than most but that is because my daughter and a little boy at school yesturday were inappropriatly touching eachother. I dont know where she is picking this up at. First there is no man in my house that she would see this behavior. My boyfriend and I are very private with all of our actions. We dont even kiss in front of my daughter. She is not allowed to watch these things on tv nor is she even allowed to watch disney at night. So NOW you know why I feel the way I DO!

If you care to chat I would love to. My daughter too doesn't have too many friends here either so I know what your going through!