Guilty mom Ramble

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Guilty mom Ramble
7
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 10:27pm

I think that this Mommy is losing her mind. Seriously. I just want my kids to do ANYTHING without it being a struggle. I have gotten to the point where I have zero tolerance for anything. They are driving me nuts.

Today, I put in a movie for all of us to watch but the girls can't just sit and watch a movie they have to constantly be fidgeting. Sitting on their heads, pedling their legs in the air. Getting on the sofa...getting back down on the floor. So, we get through the movie and I think that we will try a tea party tonight (we have an old silver set and I serve cocoa in it for them) but instead of a nice time, they immediately start fighting over the cookies I've put out. I tell them to go get ready for their baths (basically take off their clothes and put them in the hamper). I realize that several minutes have gone by and they are not in the bathroom. I go into their room and they are in there with every toy out on the floor even though I told them to get it all picked up for the night.

I find myself getting more and more frustrated and then not wanting to spend time with them because they drive me crazy. Then I feel guilty because I don't want to spend time with them. It's a vicious cycle. I know that everyone is going to say that I need time for myself but because my husband works such weird hours (mostly afternoons and nights) he is hardly here to relieve me. What is wrong with me? I thought that your children were supposed to bring joy in your life? Mine bring dirty dishes and laundry and legos to step on in the dark. How do I get the joy back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 6:31pm
Nothing is wrong with you, unless something is very wrong with me and most of my friends who are all feeling the same as you are. I can't wait to get my kids home from school, I miss them and cook the food they like, and then even in the ride back home they are yelling at each other, demanding things from me and just driving me nuts.
I have a friend and she is just as honest about this as I am. I love my kids but sometimes it just gets so hard. Her DH has been in Iraq for almost three years, with some breaks and she is alone with 3 kids and yet sometimes I feel like she is doing it so much better than I am, and my DH is working a lot but he is still home at night.
Maybe you can find a support group or some other activity for yourself while they are in school.
I just got a part time job, not for the money but to take my mind away from always thinking about my kids, but with your DH working so much that would be really hard for you, so maybe just finding some activity for yourself might help you relax. I ride horses and that really helps me.
Best of luck,
Ana
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Tue, 11-22-2005 - 4:26pm

I, too, can totally relate! It drives me CRAZY when I have something special planned and my girls don't act like they appreciate it!

I have found the best way to save my sanity is to take away the privilege after one warning. (In a matter of fact way.) It will keep you from getting totally frustrated (actually it will make you feel more calm,) and it will send the message that their behavior is unacceptable. It will be less likely to happen again. Then, you can go on and do something you enjoy...like reading quietly or whatever. You will feel a better sense of control, too, if you discipline consistently...even when you don't want to.

Good luck!

Jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 11-17-2005 - 1:00pm

OMG!!! i don't remember posting this but i must have!! you've described my life!!!
i could cry with joy at the fact that i'm NOT alone!! i have 2 girls ages 6 & 3 with another girl due in march. i've wondered SO many times, WHEN WILL THE JOY COME BACK???

kristie w/ hollie (6) & macy (3)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 10:44pm

Uh yeah, I am so there with ya!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 4:16pm

You just posted my life story! My hubby works shift work and is rarely home. When he is he's wiped out and of little use tot he function of the household. It is draining and stressful, to say the least. Here's what I do to keep Janet who she always has been, and also ways I keep Janet the proud and ever-learning mommy I am. It's not always easy but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.


First of all I get involved withthe community. Nothing major but maybe assisting at the library during school hours or helping out at the school. Anything that helps you maintain self worth and validity is a great start. That way you don't feel like you are living ONLY to take care of other people. I personally help out in things where I can learn new thigns and build on my existing skills. It

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Fri, 11-11-2005 - 1:18pm

I don't think any parent here has escaped feeling just like you do at some point. I think that as parents we all need to recognize that these early years of our young families can just be HARD. We don't have the same relationship with our spouses, we do not really get to dictate exactly how our day will go and we go about doing the same mundane tasks over and over again - a lot of hard work with little to no appreciation. It is no wonder we find ourselves grumpy.

What helps me is to try to keep my sense of humor and to make parenting fun. Of course I am not Pollyanna, but I have decided on a few courses of action that I pull out of my hat when I feel like I am ever so agonizingly close to losing it. A fellow community board mom shared with me that when she feels like losing it, she simply does... in a cartoonish sort of way. I have tried it and it totally works (but you have to save it for a time when you really need it, because it will dull with repetition!). Simply raise your voice a couple of octaves, so that your pitch is up there with Minnie Mouse, and say, "You guys are driving me C-R-A-Z-Y! Do you want to see Mommy go CRAZY??" Then stamp your feet, pull your hair and go running around the house, yelling, "Arrrrghhhhh!" Then wilt down in front of your children and say in a pitiful voice, "Only a hug will help me..." Reach out beseechingly to the little angels and beg... You have to make this funny - not scary, of course. It usually works just fine with my kids. Sometimes I get the hugs and "Oh poor Mommy, we will rub your back!" And sometimes they turn evil and grin wickedly and tickle me, but we always end up laughing. After a good laughfest, you can stand up brush your hands off, and say, "Okay! I feel better! Now, let's get... done!" (whatever you were trying to accomplish before you went crazy)

I think it also helps to really recognize what situations send you over the edge and then plan a strategy, in advance, for dealing with them. For me it was the end of the day routine when we were all tired. That period of time where I must get dinner made, served, the kitchen cleaned and the kids bathed and in bed is really the hardest time of the day for me. When my son was three and my daughter was about 18 months old, my husband was working really long days and we nearly never saw him. I had to really think about our evening routine, and be willing to make some unconventional changes to make it work. But if you attack these problem times with the same attitude that an executive uses to solve problems within a business, you can make things run more smoothly. I think it also helps to realize that it really isn't EVERYTHING that is driving you crazy - just certain consistant things. And if you can change those few things, everything else seems better.

Hope this helps a little,

Susan

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Registered: 05-02-2005
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 11:56pm
I totally understand how you are feeling. My 3 yr old is running circles around a pillow as I sit here typing. I have the luxury of escaping a few nights a week though. It really does sounds like you need to take some time for yourself. Even if it means finding a friend to watch your kids. I have a close friend/neighbor that I trade babysitting with so neither of us have to put out money. Most Mom's will totally sympathize with your plight, see what you can do about tracking one down. I tell you, even just going to the store by myself is a treat. Make a plan to go get a haircut or a massage, or just window shopping. I went thrift store shopping by myself today. It was great. Kids are much easier to deal with when you feel like you've been taken care of.
My girls drive me nuts also. You are not a bad mom if you don't spend every waking minute with them. Mine are very good at entertaining themselves. I just find things to do to drown them out. Read a magazine, work on a scrapbook, play a game online...it's perfectly okay to take time for yourself to do things you like to do. When I need time, I put them in the tub, or fill up the sink for them to play with. Water seems to soothe my savage beasts. If they make a mess, then they make a mess. It is so worth if for me. I also have a huge batch of homemade playdough. I get it out for them to play with when they are driving me nuts. They will sit forever and play with that stuff, while I sit and read or play a game. If all else fails we're here to give you hugs.
Take care of you ;)