The Heathers (rant)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
The Heathers (rant)
13
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 10:39am

Remember the movie The Heathers?
That's what dd's teacher calls the girls in her class who have this catty little clique going on. For crying out loud, these kids are 6 years old, it's 1/2 day kindy... dd already dislikes going to school & has bad dreams. This is RIDICULOUS!

I really like her teacher (he's the favorite in the whole district, actually), and have faith that he's doing all he can about it (he's separating the girls in question, encouraging -rather forcefully sometimes, lol- the class to act as a "whole group", even scolding sometimes. He has talked to parents...sheesh! He said in his 28 years of teaching, he has never seen anything like this!
I only know one of the parents of the girls in question, and frankly, it's not a real reach to see where the one girl's behavior is coming from. So I don't see the point in trying to enlighten her mom....

Meanwhile, dd isn't part of the "brown hair club" (she's the only blonde girl in the class), or the "Cheetah girls" (the girls who go to aftercare)... I have tried to let her know that these aren't real clubs, she's not being left out of anything, they're just "clubs" that the girls made up....that differences are just differences, there's no "better" and "worse", and differences are certainly not good reasons to leave others out.....and that she doesn't want to be part of an exclusionary clique anyway... but how do you convince a small kid of that?
There are plenty of other girls in the class being affected by this too, but that doesn't console her; I'm encouraging her to play with the nicer kids, that's not helping.... and then there's the thing about having all the right stuff hanging from your backpack zipper, and the trendy clothes.... she's SIX YEARS OLD, and miserable already!

I'm actually toying with (not too seriously yet) the idea of homeschooling. But I know I don't have what it takes to do that....
Sure, these girls might be separated into different classes next year, but it seems they're the sort to just form new class cliques, you know? And if a teacher I really believe in can't curb this, I fear what next year (with a different teacher) might bring.

AAARGH!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 11:08am

This is so sad!! I feel so bad for your DD, but know this sort of stuff is alive and thriving in public school as well as private -- our Christian school as well. :o( I think you need to have a conference with the teacher and principal together and enrourage this teacher to do more to discourage these cliques and labels in the classroom. It is not easy, but it can be done.

This year is setting the tone and attitude of these children toward learning and school for many years to come. NO CHILD should be having nightmares about going to school.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} and prayers for you and your precious child.

Kathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:20pm
i blame their parents. have you read "Mean Girls Grown Up" or "Queen Bees & Wannabee's"?
these lil' Heathers have moms who are just like them & let them get away with that snotty crap. it's hard to believe that girls start this young, but it's b/c of their moms. girls can be "popular" and well-liked even if they reject the "in" crowd. i was one of those girls who prevailed & had alot of friends & was well liked, and i was nice to EVERYONE. i will teach my dd's the same thing. POPULAR doesn't always mean nice, but it CAN!
when a particular girl gets snotty with my dd, i tell my dd "jordan is a sad little girl".
its true.
kh
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 2:40pm

I actually just started reading Queen Bees & Wannabes upon her teacher's recommendation - looking pretty good so far, hope I'll end up "enlightened", so I don't have to go into that class & kick some prepubescent BUTT! LOL.

It's so hard seeing this from the parent side, you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 5:12pm

What would you think about inviting one of these little "Heathers" over for a playdate at your house? You know, divide and conquer! :)

I agree it is sad, but if she has to go to school with these kids, then it might be important for her socially to develop an acceptable 'tie-in' with the group. She doesn't have to become a mean little snob, but maybe she could develop a little side friendship with one of the girls that would help her out.

This may not be popular advice, but think about it. Those little "Heathers" could probably learn a lot from your little girl's kind example.

Last year my son went through something sort of similar - not as extreme. But I decided to just invite the most popular kid - the one with the strongest personality, who was the clear leader of the 'pack' - over for several playdates in a row. It totally worked. He and my son are friends now. My son will never be as aggressive or strong natured as this other little boy (which is fine with me - it is just my son's personality), but now he has the respect of a kid who, for whatever reason, holds a huge influence over the other kids. No problem!

Susan

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Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 01-04-2006 - 10:41pm
People always form cliques, good or bad. It is a fact that birds of a feather flock together. I volunteer at my kids' schools often and am a scout leader, and have seen a lot of this. Like I tell my now 11 yo dd, "do you wnat to be part of the snotty group?" Why do you seek friends like that? There is a merit to the divide and conquer tactic though. Ny playing with your dd, one by one they can see what a great kid you have. I will encourage your dd to join groups, youth group, scouts, 4-H, drama, soccer, what ever, as long as there are other kids that share a similar intrest and good vitrues of respect, sportsmanship and freindship!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005
Thu, 01-05-2006 - 12:16pm

i know, it is SO painful to see your child left out. there was a time earlier in the year when i thought i'd have to take a little 7yo snot into the bathroom & show her who's "popular". but then when i saw her, i thought you know, she's just a kid & kids are that way. hopefully these girls' parents will teach them some values someday.

kh

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 11:53am
Susan, honey, I think you may be right!
I suspect my mother may have done something similar when I was a skinny little kid with thick glasses & a patch over one eye - there was one girl in the cool girls clique who had come over to play a few times when we were in grammar school; in middle school, she was one of the few who wasn't mean to me!
Talked to dh about this, and we'll try it.
Thanks so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 1:39pm

Are you kidding me?? :)

You were a skinny little kid with thick glasses and a patch over one eye????

I was a FAT little kid with thick glasses and a patch over one eye!!!!!!! Oh my gosh - too bad we didn't go to the same school! I could have used a buddy! :)

Did I mention that I have unruly red hair??? Had I been born in the eighteenth century I would have been burned at the stake. Luckily I was only tortured and tormented on a daily basis at school!

It actually is my own painful school memories that are causing me to encourage my kids to be friendly to all the different groups of kids at school - even the snobby "Heathers." My own parents used to tell me, "Oh you don't want to be like them - you are better then that." Well maybe I didn't want to be like them, but it sure would have been easier if I had been LIKED by them... :)

Take care,

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 3:31pm
LOL Susan!
This is drawing a very comical image in my head! Which eye was patched? Are you near or far sighted? I was a -21 (nearsighted) with my right eye covered. Boniest kid you ever saw!
I'm seeing a Laurel & Hardy-type sketch happening up there in my head! ROFL
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 3:54pm

Oh... let's see.

I had surgery on my right eye, so I think the patch must have been on my left eye in order to force me to use that eye. ??? I can't remember.

What I do remember is buying eye glasses one year, that I was mortified to learn said 'Battle Star Galatica' on the sides! I never saw that lovely little bit of signage until after they had been made and I was stuck with them!

That was a baaaad year... :)

Susan

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