HELP! 6y/o daughter.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
HELP! 6y/o daughter.....
5
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 10:07pm
I'm new here but i couldn't find anywhere else that could help my problem. My 6yo daughter, Amie, went as Snow White (i know, cliche` halloween costume for girls) to her
friend's halloween slumber party and i thought everything was fine until the girl's
mother called, asking me if i knew about Amie not wearing panties underneath of her gown?
And that she was flashing everyone her "tootie"(as she likes to call it.) And was in the
spare bedroom, laying on the bed with her gown up past her chest, playing with herself..
..........
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 1:34pm

You said she was six, right? Do you think that she knows better than to do this? Has the issue come up before?

How I would handle the situation depends on a couple of things. One - are you worried that she could be 'being touched' somewhere in her life? Two - do you really think she knew this was inappropriate and was just trying on some shocking behavior? Three - Could this just be innocent exploration and she really didn't know that the behavior was not okay?

If you think she might be exposed to some inappropriate behavior in her life, then I would start quietly investigating that possibility.

If you think she just happened to, on that night, discover her privates, then it is time for a talk about why we call them 'privates.' They are private. No big deal, but if you must look at them or touch them, please go do it in the bathroom. If you have any questions, I will happy to answer them for you. That kind of thing.

If you think she was just trying to be shocking, then I would be as un-shocking with her as possible. I would probably say in a sad voice, "Well, I guess you just aren't ready for sleepovers yet. That is so sad. We will try another sleepover when I don't have to worry about you acting inappropriately at other people's houses." Then let a couple of invitations pass by with a sad, "Well.... I am still a little worried that you might behave inappropriately. Not this time, Sweetie..." Just be calm, truly sad, NOT sarcastic, ruffle her hair, give her a kiss and go on about your day. In fact, since sleepovers are a rare treat, I would probably arrange with another mother to invite her for a sleepover next weekend, which you and that mother know ahead of time that you will sadly decline.

But at this age, there are some kids who know not to do this and there are some who just haven't learned yet. (Those who do NOT have older siblings, for example! Heh, heh, heh! :) ) You just have to figure out which category she falls in to.

Oh, and I think I would ask her to apologize to the mother who had invited her over. If she is too embarrassed to say sorry in person, have her write a note and mail it.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 1:57pm

I totally agree w/ everything Susan posted. :o)

Have you found out any more info from dd?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 5:25pm

I can imagine your discomfort when you heard this. Welcome to the board; I hope we can offer you some support.


Has she ever done anything like this at home? Have you noticed her interest in her "tootie" as she bathed or changed clothes? The reason I ask is because it would be rather odd for her to start this out of the blue.


About the actual situation....I would defintely talk to her about what happened and how it was inappropriate. I use that word so my kids don't feel shamed or gulity. I would say that if there is a time that she wants to go without undies it would be at home or with pants on. I really wouldn't give her a "reason" per say; just the rule. I think sometimes there isn't a reason that they can understand.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 10:45pm

Hello,

Thank you all for your replies. Her and I had a sit-down and she said that she does it
all the time in bed at night, why isn't it okay to do it any other time? Well, long
story short, she knows now just to do it in privacy and as for the 'No panties under the
halloween costume,' it was dare by her one of her friends....

Oye Vey...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 7:13am
I'm glad you feel better. =) Did you have a talk about "dares"? You might want to fight off future dares with one. *wink*

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