My 6 yo STABBED at school---WWYD

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Registered: 09-14-2005
My 6 yo STABBED at school---WWYD
4
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 5:00pm

Hi, I'm going to copy and paste what I wrote on my expecting club board, if you don't mind. I would just like to hear opinions from other 6 year old parents...

Yes, my 6 year old kindergartener got stabbed with scissors on tuesday morning (it's taken me this long to wrap my mind around it enough to write about it), now I will say up front, skin was not broken, but only because they were blunt edge kindergarden type sissors. but to properly let you know the full story, I need to give you background. We moved from DC to central PA about 8 months ago, we did this to give our children a safe and quiet upbringing, DC while being a safe city by most (maybe skewed) statistics there were gangs moving into our little suburban neighborhood, not the way we wanted to raise our kids. when we got here we found out that there was a boy noah's age right down the street, and that he would be in the same classroom as Noah. We were excited, so we had a few play dates. The more I got to know this child, the more I noticed that he doesn't know how to play without acting out violently in some way. example--they would decide to play matchbox cars, within five seconds of starting, this boy would start punching my son in the stomach, and/or throwing cars at him (but he would be doing it in a way, that made me believe that he thought this way part of the play time). So I started limiting playtime with them. School started, and this other little boy was having real, MAJOR problems making friends, but it was because he would make these horrible faces at everyone. Meanwhile, my son, the little social butterfly gets in trouble at school for socializing too much (I'm telling you, I really believe that there is not an instant in the day when my son is not talking, he never gets his work done at school, because he's always chatting away with someone). my son started to have some really good friends, but my heart did actually go out to this little boy, who still, by christmas, had not made any friends. So I thought I would try it again. We had him over, and a game of nerf basketball toss became violent, and my son ended up pushed into the fireplace (it was not burning at the time), I broke, that was it, I called his mom and told her that I was bringing him home, and told her the story, then she said "but I still have more errands to run" um I'm not a baby sitter, and your son acted out violently, he's coming home NOW! From that point on, my son would get punched in the stomach, poked, pushed, headbutted, and everyting from this kid. He was moved away from my son on the school bus, because 9 times out of 10,. my son would end up crying, because this child would hurt him. but whenever there is a substitute bus driver, this boy still sits next to noah, and noah FREAKS OUT (the bus driver had lots of health problems this year, so there was a sub A LOT). Then they got put on the same t-ball team. and I was going to take the Zen approach, because afterall, my husband got picked as coach, so he'll have control. Well this little boy has kicked my husband on several occasions, kicked another assistant coach, thrown Rocks at other boys, pushed my son, spit in my son's face, the list goes on and on. but still, in all honesty, the kid just looks like he's playing when he does it, smiling and laughing, it's odd. My son became really good friends with a little girl down the street, well apparently this other little boy wanted to MARRY this girl, so his mother called me to TRY to pursuade me to not let my son and this other little girl play anymore, because her son wants to marry her, and thats why he had been hitting other kids and such at school (now my son in no way bragged about being friends with this girl, because they actually hide thier friendship in school because of the boy girl thing, too funny), you can imagine what I said to her. Also, the kids parents don't seem to discipline him at all, his mom just keeps saying that "boys will be boys" and shrugging it off as if it's nothing. In fact, his three year old sister and repetedly KICKED my 2 (and he JUST turned 2) year old son off of the slide, and this mother DOES NOT REACT.

So back to the story at hand. This tuesday, my husband was volunteering in the classroom (usually my day to volunteer, but my dr told me that it's time to stop since I'm already having contractions), well this boy casually grabbed sissors, went up and stabbed my son in the arm, THEN went up to my husband and kicked him. The parents immediately tried to blame my son (meanwhile, and the teacher told me this, my son did nothing, he was working on his morning paper making minimal sounds, which is a feat for my son so he must have been concentrating on his work), then they tried to blame the teacher. So anyway, he was suspended for the rest of the day (now this is half day kindergarden, so basically he was suspended for an hour and a half), and when they got home, his dad took him outside for a bike ride (I know because I live down the street, and I was sitting at my kitchen bar, on the phone with the principle, and saw them out my kitchen window riding down the street, OMG I wanted to go out and freak out on them, I was already in complete tears), AND he was at T-ball that night. and he casually came up to my son, like nothing happened, and was like "hey Noah, sorry for stabbing you today" like, hey, sorry I sat in your seat, or sorry you tripped over my foot, like it was NOTHING. The parents are avoiding us (if that would have been me, I would have been talking to the other parents apologizing to the point that it's pathetic, and letting them know that the problem is being dealt with). Not only that, my son would not have been at t-ball that night, OR on a bike ride. My husband tried to get this other kid moved to another team, but the commissioner wouldn't let him. I mean this woman called to tell me that my son was playing with her son's future wife and it was not okay, and called to tell me that my son said "heck" and "Holy Cow" on the bus, but she can't step up to this. OMG.

I also feel like the school didn't do enough. Now I have to drive my child to and from school, because I don't want him near this kid. and he was only suspended for 1 half day, AND he's still allowed to participate in field day tomorrow. So at any rate, we have an appointment wtih the superintendant tomorrow. but I'm still having problem wrapping my mind around all of this. The principle told me that my son is a really great kid, he was the first kindergardener to actually go up to 2nd and 3rd graders and become friends with them, he's outgoing, and everyone likes him, she said she really likes him too, they think that the other little boy is jealous, but I think it's more than that, I think he has a serious problem and no one is addressing it. There is a little refugee girl from Liberia that came last month. Well he wrote in his kid writing "I hit (girls name). I hit her real hard" (this child is educationally gifted, he reads on a third grade level), then the next day came and and punched the girl twice in the face. The kid is twisted.

I mean, since the kid didn't break skin on my son, but could have, had he had real sissors, but also in light of the fact that this kid has been torrorizing my son for a number of months, what do we do, he's already been punished, before the incident, we actually wrote a letter to the school asking that they never be in the same room anymore, we've complained about the stuff on the bus a number of times, so it should all be documented. but what do we seek from all of this, I just don't know. force them to psycologically test him? make their rules more stingent? make the school admit their mistake in dealing with the situation? and maybe it's my pregnant self, but I just keep crying. we moved here to be safe, and this is happening, why isn't anyone helping us. Other parents agree, we've had a wonderful show of support from other parents. Parents have actually come up to us, without us even telling them what happened and express their rage for what happened, and how mad they are at the school district for not taking this kid seriously. If this kid has a disorder in some way, I would be more likely to accept this, also, if his parents had come and talked to us after the incident, I would feel better, but they are acting like it's nothing. What happened to 0 tolerance on violence, it's certainly not at my school.

Please, I really need advice on this. What would you do?

Thanks, Abby

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:04pm

Oh my gosh. Well, I would do a couple of things.

First, I would talk directly to this little boy. I would wait until I see him at the bus stop or somewhere, and I would go up to him, get down on his level and say firmly but calmly, "Billy, over and over again I have seen you hurt other children. Over and over again I have seen you hurt MY children. Because of this, you are no longer allowed to talk to them, play with them or sit next to them. Do you understand me? I cannot allow you to hurt my kids and I will not allow it. Maybe later, if I notice that you are being kind and considerate and gentle with other kids, I will let you play together again. But not now. I am too worried that you will hurt them. I am going to tell your mother and father about this rule."

Then I would write a detailed letter to the parents, spelling out calmly why you have decided that all ties with their child must be severed. I would not, in this letter, make judgements about their parenting. Simply list facts. "On this date, your son pushed my daughter off the slide. On this day your son stabbed my son with a pair of scissors. etc, etc. I am truly concerned for my children's safety and for this reason have told your son that he is not to speak to, play with, or sit next to my son. I will be notifying the teacher by copy of this letter of this decision."

Then I would cc this letter to the school prinicipal, his teacher and the superintindent. Finally, I would call Child Protective Services. I would tell them that you have never seen this child actually being abused; however, his behavior is very suspicious to you of a child who has been possibly abused.

This sounds so harsh, I know, but the situation you have described to us is just unreal. I think you have gone the understanding route, now you need to firmly set some boundaries.

Good luck,

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-26-2006 - 2:14pm

OMG! I am so sorry that you are going through this. How terrible...for you and your son!! I would get everyone together at school in front of school counselors and principal and teacher. We'd talk about what happened, at which point I would list (as well as submit a fully documented paper) incidents that occured. I would demand something to be done IN school so that this no longer happens. At that point, you've aired the laundry and it's up tp the school to do the reporting. They are mandated to if they see something. PLUS, you have back up when you can't be around.


Just a question...where is the teacher when this kid is hitting and kicking you and your husband?! It sounds like he is jealous of your relationship with your son. We had that in Puerto Rico, too. He was such a bully and, I think, jealous because our family was

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Avatar for cdollar
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-30-2006 - 7:58pm

When my son was in KG there was a little girl in his class who stabbed another girl with scissors. She got suspended and then never came back to school. I don't know if they actually kicked her out or if her parents decided not to bring her back or what.

I would not be satisfied with a suspension that only amounted to an hour and I'd have been furious to see the child out bike riding and playing ball that same night. These parents would be getting an earfull from me and I'd be keeping my child away from the boy.

Maybe talk with the principal about getting both families, the principal/dean and the teacher together to talk about things?




Edited 5/30/2006 8:00 pm ET by cdollar

Carissa
~ momma to bookworm Keithen (2/1/99), artist 

Avatar for inmommyworld
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 4:18pm

Hello--what an awful situation. This must be so frustrating, especially when no one ssems to be doing anything about it.

My idea--what about going to the police? I know this may seem off the wall or extreme to some of you, but no one else is reacting to it. I know that they won't arrest the child, BUT this to me is extremely serious and something has to be done NOW. This has gone way too far, and it seems like each incident gets worse. Think of what can happen in the future if it isn't taken care of.

I would go down to the police station, talk to someone, they will probably make a report and go to the childs home, talk to the parents and the child. At least the parents will know you mean business and will not tolerate this. I'm sure a uniformed policeman will scare the little boy into being good. Why should your child go to school in fear of this child?

We had a similar situation in our neighborhood. A 4th or 5th grader stole my son's birthday money out of his bank. My son was 6 at the time, he didn't even notice it. I emptied the boys pockets on hos way out the door and told him he is no longer allowed to play at my home. I also decided not to tell the parents, thinking he was embarassed enough. Later in the day, the kid drove his bike by, mouthing off to me. I walked right down to his house to talk to his mom. She stood in the doorway, with her phone to her ear still, cigarette in hand, the boy behind her. He continued to be rude and disrespectful to me as I was explaing this to his mom (calmly). She could have cared less!!!! So, that summer, the child would swear at my children, me, my husband. Come on our property, still try to play with our kids. I eventually called the police and they said I could file a report for the stealing. Thankfully the people ended up moving, which solved the problem.

Anyhow, good luck to you.

Lisa