I am a stay at home mom.
It does sound like you need to be a bit tougher.
Mommy to a Princess
Sounds like your husband needs to have a talk with your son, pronto! Your husband also should make of point of asking you about what you did during the day and playing it up, in front of your son. Does your son give the attitude when Dad is around? Cause if he does, Dad needs to step in and nip it in the bud and tell him that he better treat you right or else! (No real need to fill in the what else, boys tend to get the idea when Dad says that!) Maybe your son also needs more chores to do - preferably assigned by his Dad, with him saying something about it is time for him to help you more around the house now that he is older.
I hope that you figure this out - it is hard when they behave that way and it is probably all for attention from you or his Dad.
Writing_Mama THANK YOU!!!
My son did tell me once this was not my house because I don't pay the bills. I stopped the car, looked in the back seat and said...
"Daddy can only afford the house and some of the bills, I pay bills, groceries & all fun stuff we do (I work from home). Plus, daddy can only make the money he does because I am at home with you. Without me you would have dirty clothes, you would not be able to go to gymnastics, chess club, swim or anything else you may do. We work as a team and that is the only way we could live here and give you the things we do."
That worked, but, my son is lazy. I think this is a magical list of things to do & the best -- BEST -- part is how you 'pay' for a hard day. This suggestion nearly brought tears to my eyes. This is a beautiful idea. I love it. I'll do on a Saturday, weeknights go way too quick.
Reading your initial post was like going back in time a year ago for me. My youngest son is 8 and we are very close. A little over a year ago, he started acting very disrespectful towards me. Now it has progressed to most adults and most kids. His behaivor has gotten way out of control. He has been suspended 3 times already this year and it all boils down to disrespect. Recently things escalated to an alarming level and my dh and I made the toughest decision we've ever made. We checked him into the behavior health ward of a local hospital. There are no words to express how incredibly hard this has been for us. But, it has also been a help. It has shown me that things really were bad, we are learning how to deal with his behavior and we are becoming closer as a couple and as a family. Even though I know it is him that is choosing to misbehave, I know that it is my fault for letting him get away with it. It is my fault for not putting my foot down a year ago and saying that I wasn't going to put up with it. I have decided that things are going to be different. I love my children (I have 3) too much to let them turn out to be delinquents. I think my children are very sweet and have potential, I just need to give them some guidance. I know it is going to be really hard for a while, but I can do it and it will be worth it. As far as having your husband talk to your son, that will help. But, please don't do what I did and rely solely on that. Because having daddy talk to him and explain that he can't talk that way to you and that you do a lot only buys you time. Then pretty soon he will just wait for daddy to be gone before resuming the disrespectfulness. Been there.I know that when my son does come home, it will be up to me to make sure he knows that I love him too much to ever send him there again. It will be up to me (not daddy) to show him that he has to respect himself and others, including me. Because I know that if I don't use tough love, if I don't love him enough to do this, that he will be back. Or maybe next time it will be juvie. Or maybe jail. I have had a revelation that being a mom doesn't just mean giving hugs and fixing boo-boos. Especially in this day and age and especially with daddy and I working opposite shifts. I have to discipline too and I have to be consistant.Please don't make the same mistake I did. You may not think it is a big deal now, but it snowballs. And, trust me, you do not want to know what it feels like to admit your child to a hospital not knowing what is going to happen and when he is going to come home. My son missed out on a weekend full of fun while I had everyone asking me where he was. Of course everyone has been super supportive and have offered words of encouragement. And the nurses have been great (I think they are tired of me calling, but they're the ones that told me I could call anytime for updates) and everyone seems to think he'll be home for Christmas. But it still has not been fun and I encourage you to avoid it.And don't be afraid to ask for help. I always used to think that it was my job to be his mom and that if I asked for help it would reflect negatively against me. That is what I have come to realize is stinkin' thinkin'. Yeah, it's my job to be his mom, but if I need help with it, there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help.
I hope this helped. I know it helped me to type it out.Put your foot down. He'll respect you and love you for it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But someday.