New, with a SLEEPOVER question

Avatar for lilysmomi
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
New, with a SLEEPOVER question
12
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 5:55pm

Hi all! I'm new to this board, although not new to i-Village. A quick intro before my dilemma - My DH and I have been married 9years and we have a 6yo DD together. My DH also has a 14yo DD from a previous relationship. DD's birthday is in November and she's in Kindergarten. I'm really excited to find this board! I've been reading the other posts and responses here and this seems like a nice and informative place to be!

On to my question...

My 6yo DD, Lily, has never been on a sleepover. Is that abnormal?

The reason I'm asking is that Friday night I received a phone call from the father of one of Lily's classmates. He has an older DD (8yo I think) who was having a friend sleepover the following night and his younger DD (5yo and in Lily's Kindy class) wanted Lily to spend the night, too. I was really caught off guard as we were in the middle of dinner. I should mention that although Lily plays with this little girl at school, she has never had a playdate outside of school with her and that we have only met her parents a couple of times at school functions. Lily hasn't even slept over with other family members as my parents are not physically well enough to care for her (their words not ours) and my DH's family lives far away.

I explained to the father that Lily hasn't been on a sleepover before and that we weren't quite comfortable with that yet, but that we would LOVE for his DD to come for a playdate next week (they are off school for Martin Luther King Day). Well, the father seemed totally shocked that Lily had never been on a sleepover before. "Really, you're kidding?" he said. Then he asked ME to explain to his DD why Lily couldn't come, and he put her on the phone. I was shocked that he did that - I would NEVER ask another parent to do that. I felt just horrible telling that sweet little girl, in essence, exactly what I told her Daddy. She was so quiet and just said "okay.".

Anyway, now I'm left wondering if we are totally overprotective, neurotic parents. We don't know this family other than to say "Hello" at school functions. Lily has never been to their house. They seem like a nice famly and their DD is a sweet girl.

So, was I out of line nixing the sleepover? Have any of you dealt with this before? How did you handle it?

TIA!
Liz

Pages

Avatar for nlas99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 7:24pm

{{{{Then he asked ME to explain to his DD why Lily couldn't come, and he put her on the phone. I was shocked that he did that - I would NEVER ask another parent to do that. I felt just horrible telling that sweet little girl, in essence, exactly what I told her Daddy. She was so quiet and just said "okay.".}}}}

I would not let my DD sleep over at anyone's home where I did not know the parents very well, nor would I let her sleep over anyone's home especially if she hasn't even slept at a family member's home to get used to the idea. Secondly, that Dad is a freak and I would not let my DD sleep over there anyway after that stunt he just pulled. Is he afraid of looking like the "bad guy" to his DD just because a friend can't spend the night? What is his deal anyway?

I think I would invite the girl over for a few play dates so the girls can get to know each other better. If they get along, maybe you can invite her over for your DD's first sleepover, since the girl is obviously used to sleeping over and your DD isn't.

I'm with you. I don't think you are being "over" protective, I think you are being protective, you know your DD better than anyone, and that's what a good mom does.

Lynn

Lynn
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:24pm

My 6 yr old DD has never been to, nor hosted, a sleepover! My 8 yr old DD has never been to a sleepover either, although she has had a friend spend the night here twice (both just this past year). Neither of them have even spent the night at a relative's house alone! I think some families are more "into" sleepovers than others. My kids have never really pushed it which is FINE by me. I would never let my child sleep at another person's house unless I was personal friends with the parents too. Call me overprotective, but thats my job! ;o)

You did the right thing.

Donna

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 8:41pm

I agree with the others. You don't know this man and his response to your extremely reasonable explanation was just plain weird. It shot off all sorts of red flags with me!

My nearly seven year old son has never been on a sleep over. He still thinks it is a big deal to get to sleep in Grandma's room on the floor when we visit their house. (They live in another state.)

We have had one sleep over at our house with one boy, but truthfully it was kind of a babysitting deal - not a party.

While I would let my son attend a sleep over at the house of someone I knew well and think he is ready for that, I would not let him sleep over at the home of someone that I do NOT know. Especially under those circumstances.

You did the right thing. :)

Susan

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2000
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 10:09am
My dd has had a few sleepovers, from probably age 4 or so, but it's with family friends & with a cousin.
In the situation you give, even with our history of having done sleepovers, I wouldn't have said yes either, and I certainly question why the father handled it the way he did. Sounds like he has issues, not you.
Heck, she doesn't even go to playdates at the homes of children whose parents I don't know.
My job is to keep my kids safe & healthy. If that's neurotic, fine, I'm neurotic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2001
Wed, 01-11-2006 - 12:22pm

Hi Liz,


Travis is 6-1/2 and in 1st grade and

Photobucket
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 01-12-2006 - 8:19pm
That was wierd!!! My dd didn't go on sleepovers at friends until she wa 8. Ds hasn't been invited to friend's houses yet. Now, we swap kids in family all the time, and their cousins will be here for a few days, or they go there, but that is my family. My kdis also start going to resident camp at age 6, so sleeping over isn't a big deal. But, where they are and who they are with is HUGE with me!!

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!

Avatar for dzyg
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2000
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 9:49am

My 6yr old has never slept over at a friends house yet either. I certainly would not let her sleep over at anyones house that I didn't know very well. We did have one friend sleep over here one night, she is 7 and all went well. Brionna has never slept overnight anywhere without either me or dh there with her.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Photobucket
Avatar for lwitek01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 1:17pm

My girls are 6 and in 1st grade and have slept at my parents, DH's parents, My sis's w their cousins and DH's brothers with their cousin many times but never have slept at a friends house. To be honest they have never been asked either.

We have had 1 friend sleep here last summer and it went well and just in the past month or so the girls have been asking to have a sleep over party and to sleep at other's houses. Depending on who asks I will let them sleep over as I know most of the parents in their class but if I never met them other than a brief wave I would suggest we start with a playdate and then progress to a sleep over.

So no you weren't out of line and no your DD is not the only onw who has never slept over...

hang in there

Laura

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Avatar for lilysmomi
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 6:43pm

Thank you for your kind replies! I really appreciate them.

I had set myself up to hear that I was a little over-protective and probably needed to mellow out a little bit, so it was a great surprise to find out that there are many other parents out there who feel the same way my DH and I do. Not against sleepovers, but want to know the family first.

Thank you so much for your support and input!

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 3:43pm

My DS turned 7 in Dec and he just had his first sleepover a couple of weeks before his birthday.


Powered by CGISpy.com

Pages