She's still *looks* like my dd, but....
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|Wed, 11-30-2005 - 12:16am|
*New to the board*
I am a single mom of a 6 1/2 yo. I have been divorced for 5 years. DD and I have always been very close and we make a nice little family...which may be contributing to our current problems. She has always been a very sweet, polite and intelligent girl. For the first 3+ yrs of her life we lived with my parents and grandpa was daycare. He was also their small town's mayor and would tote her around with him on his "city" business. It's a bedroom community with a pretty high senior citizen population so she became very popular! In fact, I can't think of *anyone* who has met her and not loved or at least liked her a whole lot. I'm really not trying to brag...just painting a picture, if you will. LOL
Anyway, in Aug.04 my company transferred me out of state and we came to live with a friend of mine and her two children (1/2 time, other 1/2 with dad). Well, for reasons far too long and complicated to go into here, this short term living arrangement became permanent. It has been a struggle living with other people especially since roomie's kids (8yo girl, 6yo boy) are quite hard to tolerate sometimes. They are whiny and ill mannered and I have definitley seen some of it rub off on dd.
Ugh, I'll try and pick up the pace and shorten this thing!
I would say that in some ways I'm a strict mom and in others very loose. I try to strike a balance which has been very easy to do because, as I said, she's always been such a good girl but times are a changin'!
Some of her new behaviors: arguing, making me repeat myself over and over before something gets done, whiny, LOTS of visits to the nurses office this year, lots of complaints of illness, very negative about herself, playing "the victim" (ie, *everyone* made me feel bad today...), helplessness (tell her to get in pj's and get the response "but I don't know what to weeeaaarrrrrr". meanwhile there's a full 'pj' drawer right there!), you get the idea.
Is this age a normal boundary testing age? Could it really be mostly the enviornment we're living in? Am I not asking the right questions to find out what's happened to my sweet little peanut?
I'm trying hard to be understanding and empathetic to her yet feel as though I may be creating a bigger monster, however, I don't want to be cruel, either. I'm great with the stern voice and "the look" which has always worked but now I'm struggling to come up with real punishments. Outside of yelling. That's not a punishment, it's just yucky.
As I said at the beginning, she and I are very close and I have always treated her as my partner (like a teammate) when going thru life. She understands when mommy struggles financially that she needs to be patient about getting "extras" until things settle down and that I need us to be a team to get thru, ect.
Maybe I have not set enough parent/child boundaries?
I could go on and on....your turn, if you'd be so inclined. :-) I welcome any ideas on the "why's" as well as the "what to do about it"s.